I Never Promised You a Rose Garden
by xtiansugar
Summary: Sequel to Rugger Wives.
1. Prologue

Ianto knocked on Owen's door, taking a deep breath before letting himself in.

"Hey Ianto," Dr Harper looked up from his desk, "How are you? Did you need something?"

The Blues' Full back sighed.

"Yeah," he said unhappily, "I need you to test me."

"Test you for what?"

Ianto's eye-brows shot up.

"Oh, I see," Owen said.

He shifted the papers around on his desk, lifting them up and putting them down again as if searching for something. He lifted his eyes to the Welshman, still standing in the doorway. In the years since Owen had first started treating him for his OCD, Ianto had come on in leaps and bounds but he still found coming into the consulting room difficult. Owen Harper was a good doctor but his tidiness and organisation skills were second only to his bedside manner in things he was lacking in.

"I'm sorry," the doctor said, "but if you want a consultation you'll have to come in and sit down."

The other man nodded his head slowly and moved further in to the room. He took one look at the grubby, cushioned chair and gulped.

"I......" he swallowed.

"Wait there," Owen sighed, "and see if you can find my keyboard while I'm away."

The doctor returned a few minutes later carrying a hard plastic chair. He smiled happily when he saw that Ianto had sorted the papers on his desk into neat piles. He sat down and tapped at his newly uncovered keyboard.

"Ah, I thought so," he said, "you had a test last year, you shouldn't need another one so soon, not unless you or Jack....." he trailed off.

Ianto looked down in his lap, chewing on his bottom lip.

"Fucking Hell," Owen spat, "Jack's a fucking twat. Does Rhys know? He's going to fucking kill the bastard, you do realise that. You're sister will tear him limb for limb and I think she was just coming around to him as well. How could he do this to you, put you at risk......"

"Owen. Just stop a minute," Ianto cried, "it's not like that. Jack hasn't been cheating on me."

"Then why do you need a test," the doctor frowned.

Ianto sighed.

"Jack hasn't been playing around," he said, "I have."


	2. I Beg Your Pardon

Jack Harkness pinched the bridge of his nose and tried to pinpoint the exact moment when things had gotten this bad.

It had begun at the end of last season when Ianto had missed out on selections for the Welsh rugby squad for the third year running. When the final team was announced a few weeks later, there had been a great deal of speculation in the local press about homophobia in game, but that just served to make things worse, causing Ianto to be accused of poor sportsmanship and playing the gay card. Ianto had suffered his first serious bout of depression since his University days. Thankfully, the depression had soon lifted, but it seemed to Jack as if the Welshman had undergone a personality transplant when it was over. If he wasn't getting over excited about something these days, he was yelling, a lot, and mostly in Welsh.

A simple argument over whose turn it was to empty the dishwasher had escalated from "why are you so messy," through "whose house is it anyway" to "I wish I'd never met you," and then Jack had thrown oil on the whole damn conflagration by making a stupid comment, a comment which had left his mouth before his brain had registered what he was saying. What said remark was he couldn't accurately recall, only that it had begun with the words, "you people...."

"Y, You people," Ianto had stuttered, "you...people. What the fuck is that supposed to mean. The British, Welshmen, rugby players,....or," and here his voice had dropped to a low, angry growl, "is it just gay men you object to so much."

Jack had sighed and ran both hands through his hair. Actually, he had been referring to Ianto's tortuous inability to say what he meant, a trait he seemed to share with most of his British compatriots. Okay, if pressed Jack would have no problem admitting that insulting the Brits was a bit rich considering he was mostly British himself, having spent the first eight years of his life in Scotland, but Ianto had chosen to interpret Jack's words as a slur against his sexual preferences. Jack's bisexuality had been a huge bugbear in their relationship from day one, and now the American couldn't decide if he could muster up the energy to care enough to put Ianto right. Not that he would have been able to even if he'd wanted to since the Welshman had stormed out the house half an hour ago, slamming the door behind him.

What was it they always said, "The first seven years are the worst." Only it had never been like this with John, not in the first seven years and certainly not in the last. In fact if it wasn't for "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," Jack would never have left America and he'd still be with his former partner now. It wasn't that he loved Ianto less, just the opposite in fact. This thing with Ianto, went way beyond anything he'd ever had with John. The highs were much higher and the lows, well the lows were devastating, and this latest low had been going on for so long that Jack was beginning to think of it as less of a bad patch and more a parting of the ways.

Jack groaned and dropped on to the sofa, grabbing a fistful of hair in each hand. This wasn't the first time Ianto had walked out on him in the middle of an argument and if this was like those other times, the Welshman wouldn't be back before morning. Jack wasn't sure where he went when he didn't come home but he supposed it would be one of the clubs he claimed to love so much. The kind of club that didn't kick out until the early hours of the morning, the kind that made Jack feel too old. Oh hell, he was too old, he thought to himself, hadn't that been the other half of the problem. Jack was too old....too old and not gay enough. What the hell was a 43 year old man doing with a 26 year old boy anyway? It had been one heck of a mid-life crisis.

Charlie, the Golden Labrador he'd adopted with Ianto when the Welshman had first moved in, had taken up residence under the sofa when the yelling had started and was now growling mournfully. Jack's own beloved dog, Cherry had had to be put down the year before.

The American slipped off the sofa on to his hand and knees, crawling around to face the dog.

"Don't worry boy," he soothed, "Mommy and Daddy still love you." He hitched a short, humourless laugh. "Just not so sure we love each other anymore," he sighed.

He cocked his head to one side as if listening to something.

"Ya know what, boy. You're right. I'm not going to sit around waiting for him to come home? How about I take you for your walk then I think I'll hit the town."

* * *

Jack pushed open the door of the bar. He wasn't really sure why he'd chosen this particular establishment, probably nostalgia he thought. He and Ianto were regulars here, or at least they used to be back in the days when they still went on dates. The bar, though growing in popularity was small enough for regular patrons to be known to the staff and although it was primarily a gay bar, it had a reputation for a laid-back, tolerant atmosphere and attracted people of all sexual persuasions. When Ianto had brought him here the first time, the Welshman had apologised for bringing him to the place where he'd met Jay, but Jack had just laughed and told him not to be silly. He'd been confident of his place in Ianto's heart back then and knew that even when his younger lover had been engaged to Jay, it had been him and not the brash, Australian who had owned all of Ianto's heart.

The young, black man who was keeping bar, glanced nervously about the room as soon as he spotted Jack.

"Um, hi, haven't seen you in a while," he said.

"Hi Mickey," Jack answered, "No. I've been busy. How ya doing, how are your studies."

Mickey Smith was a London boy, orphaned at an early age and brought up by his Gran on an estate where most boys aspired to be either drug dealers or bank robbers. When his Gran died and his girlfriend left him for another man, Mickey decided to buck the trend by applying for University. He was currently working part time in the bar to support himself while he studied Computer Science at Cardiff Uni. The kid was straight but confident enough in his own sexuality to handle the regular come ons from the patrons and he was popular with most of the regulars.

"What can I get you?" Mickey asked, "by the way, sorry about you and Ianto."

"Ianto?" Jack replied, "what about me and Ianto?"

"Um," the barman's eyes seemed to dart over Jack's shoulder before flicking back to his face, "I just thought....."

Jack narrowed his eyes at him,

"Thought what?"

"Look, Jack," the barman held up his hands in surrender, "I don't want any trouble. I just assumed you weren't with Ianto anymore. I must have made a mistake, I'm sorry. Now what will you have."

Jack didn't reply but narrowed his eyes even further, glaring at Mickey suspiciously. Mickey held out for as long as he could but then sighed, nodding his head towards the back of the crowded pub. The American turned his body in the direction the barman was indicating. His heart dropped. His Ianto, the man who until recently he had thought of as the love of his life, was locked in a passionate embrace with another man.

"Sorry," Mickey apologised, "I honestly thought you knew."

"How long?"

"Jack......"

"I said how long?"

Mickey sighed.

"About 4 weeks."

"Same guy?"

Mickey nodded once.

"I'm sorry."

"Forget it. Look, Mickey. I'm gonna head off. I'd appreciate it if you don't tell Ianto I was here."

"Um, that won't be a problem actually and best sit tight for a minute or two.....he just left."

* * *

Jack woke early the next morning, and as expected he woke alone. After months of rows and high drama it was a relief in some ways. Or at least it would be once he'd made sure he was still clean. He cursed himself for his stupidity in trusting his younger lover enough to forego condoms. He should have known better.

By the time he heard Ianto's key in the door, Jack was showered and dressed and had a pot of coffee on the go.

"There's coffee in the pot," he barked.

"Jack, I...."

"Yeah, Ianto. Don't bother," he snarled. "All I want to know is were you safe?"

"Sorry, what?" Ianto looked startled.

"I said, were you safe? It's not a difficult question. Did you put a hat on it, were you dressed for the occasion, did you put something on the end of it? It's important, I need to know."

Ianto gulped, he stared at Jack, wide eyed like a rabbit caught in head lights.

"Do you know what?" Jack sneered, "Forget it. I probably won't believe you anyway. I'm making an appointment with my doctor today. I suggest you go and see Owen if you think you need to."

"Jack, please. Listen a minute."

Jack held up his index finger and wiggled it in front of Ianto's face.

"Nuh, huh!" he said, "I'm done listening to you. We're through. I'm not going to throw you out, fuck knows why but I still care about you. I'm going to work now, please move your stuff into the spare room while I'm out, you can stay there until you find somewhere else."

With that he picked up his messenger bag from the kitchen counter and walked out.


	3. There's Got to be a Little Rain Sometime

Andy Davison, a Research Assistant at Cardiff University's Maritime Unit took a sip of the coffee he'd bought from the vending machine outside his office. He pulled a face, wincing at the insipid, brown liquid. Usually he wouldn't go near the machine, not since his boss Jack Harkness started sharing the thermos he brought from home with him, but the American was late that morning and Andy had resorted to desperate measures for his caffeine fix.

"Knock, Knock!"

He looked up and smiled at Toshiko Sato, the Department's Network Manager and a good friend to both him and his boss.

"Jack around?" she asked.

"No, he's not in yet."

"Who's not in?" Jack's head appeared above Toshiko's poking around the door.

"You," Andy replied.

The American pushed the door fully open and slipped past Tosh, beckoning for her to follow.

"I haven't been in since 1983," he grinned.

Andy gave him a disapproving look, "You're late," he stated.

"Okay, Andy. Let's go through this one more time. Me, big bad, belligerent boss, you, lowly underling."

"Hmmmm." The Research Assistant didn't sound convinced, "No coffee today?" he asked.

"No," Jack said grimly, "not today."

His usual jovial demeanour slipped, but only momentarily.

"Anyway," he beamed at the Japanese woman, "what can I do for you this fine morning, Miss Sato?"

She dipped her head.

"Um, I just came to see how you are."

"Ah," his eyes flashed angrily, "I see news travels fast."

"Don't be like that, Jack. Ianto rang me earlier, he's very upset. He doesn't want to lose you."

"Really," he snapped, "maybe he should have thought of that before he had an affair."

"An affair?" Tosh scoffed, "it was hardly an affair."

"So," the American scowled, "you know about that too."

She looked a little shamefaced.

"He's my friend," she murmured.

"I thought we were friends too. How long?"

"What?"

"How long have you known?"

"Look, don't you think you might be missing something here, Jack?"

"Oh yeah, I was. For a long time I was missing something but not anymore. I'm thinking clearly for the first time in years."

She hitched a short breath, blowing it out hard through her nose.

"I just came to see if you're okay but I can see you're not in the mood."

He sighed.

"It's fine Tosh, really" he said, "Couples split up, lines get drawn, friends take sides and Ianto is your best friend after all."

"I'm trying not to take sides, Jack."

"Nevertheless, here you are, taking his side. Now, if you don't mind we've got work to do."

He picked up a file from Andy's desk, turning his back on her and making a show of reading it. As soon as he heard her stiletto heels clicking away down the corridor, he let out a breath and placed the folder back on the desk.

"So," Andy said, "Might there be coffee tomorrow?"

Jack wasn't offended that his assistant appeared to be more concerned for his morning beverage than for the wellbeing of his boss and friend. He knew this was Andy's way of asking if his split with Ianto was permanent. He laughed out loud but it sounded bitter.

"No," he said, "there'll be no more coffee."

Andy reached across the desk and squeezed his arm and without saying anything further, the Welshman turned his attention back to the documents he'd been uploading before the interruption. Jack was grateful for the other man's discretion, the last thing he needed right now was a tear filled heart to heart. He made his way over to his own desk, stretching his hands and cracking the knuckles before starting his daily routine.

Sometime during the afternoon, the Head of Department, John Smith called in. Up until yesterday Jack had felt eternally grateful to the eccentric Englishman who he'd met on the plane coming over. It was his offer of a job in Cardiff which had lead to the recently broken hearted American finding love again with a gorgeous Welshman. But now Jack wondered how different his life might have been if he'd made it all the way to Scotland as he'd intended. He might have settled near his daughter, Mellissa and could be spending time everyday with her and his grandson Stephen. Maybe he'd move now, he thought.

"Just passing," John said, "Thought I'd pop in to see how the Liverpool Bay excavation was going."

Jack groaned.

"Not you as well, Doc?"

Andy never understood why Jack called their boss, Doc. No one else did and as far as Andy was aware the man had never achieved a doctorate, of medicine or of anything else.

"Ah, yes," John mumbled, "never was much good at...... Miss Sato seems to think..................Well anyhoo, how are you?"

"Fine, John. Really, I'm fine"

"Well um, chin up, old man," John cleared his throat, "Um, oh, let's do lunch, call my secretary, fix something up."

"I will Doc. Thanks."

* * *

After work Jack called in to his doctor's surgery, emerging sometime later with a throbbing headache and a raging temper. A 20 minute lecture from Doogie Howser MD on the dangers of unprotected sex wasn't his idea of a fun evening.

He threw himself into the driving seat of his beloved Pontiac and let his head droop on to the steering wheel. He groaned as he sat back, rubbing his hands over his face in an attempt to calm down. His doctor had glared disapprovingly at him as he had taken a blood sample, explaining that he'd need to take another test in three months time before he could give him the all clear. Jack wondered how much longer it would be before he trusted someone again, if he ever did.

He turned the key in the ignition and drove home, the rain pelting down on his windscreen doing little to improve his mood. By the time he pulled up outside his house, he was thoroughly pissed off and dreading the confrontation he knew was coming.

He found Ianto sitting at the kitchen table nursing a cup of coffee. His eyes were red-rimmed and sore as he stared into his mug, seemingly avoiding Jack's gaze.

"I'm sorry," he murmured, "I made a mistake."

"No," Jack looked coldly at him, "I made a mistake. I trusted you."

Ianto looked up then and Jack was struck by how little was left of the man he had once loved with all his heart. The silence stretched between them, both men trying to work out if there was anything to say that would make it better. Ianto looked away first.

"Is there any way," he trembled, C - Could you forgive me?"

Jack thought how easy it would be to say yes. To just go back to the way things were. But then he thought of all the months of pointless arguments followed by mumbled apologies. How many more months would stretch by before the next crisis. How many more endless nights lying next to a stranger, all the time side stepping the issue until they finally broke in two.

"I don't know," he admitted at last, "Maybe. If you can tell me I overreacted going to my doctor today, that I don't need to worry?"

Ianto gripped the coffee mug tighter, pulling it into his chest, his silence speaking the words he couldn't say out loud.

Jack swallowed back the bile in his throat. He wanted to scream and yell at him. He wanted to explain what it was like as a teenager in the 80's when AIDS was still referred to as the 'Gay Plague,' when treatment was non-existent and everyone knew someone who had succumbed. In the end all he could do was ask why?

"I...." the Welshman looked confused, "I don't know!"

Jack clenched his fists by his side and gritted his teeth.

"You don't know. Fuck man, what kind of an answer is that, you don't fucking know."

"HE WANTED ME!"

"I wanted you."

"No, no you didn't. No-one did. No-one does, no-one ever has, everyone leaves. I fucking hate you."

He picked up his mug and threw it at Jack, narrowly missing the American's head.

"And I hate this," Jack glared at him, throwing his arms in the air in disgust.

"What?"

"This....The yelling, the tantrums, the feeling sorry for yourself. I'm sick of it Ianto. I look at you and I don't even know who you are anymore. The Ianto I know would never do something so stupid. Did I ever know you at all, was it all an act."

"I wasn't acting."

"Then you've changed and I'm not sure I can love someone like you."

Ianto took a sharp intake of breath, his eyes widening a little before narrowing.

"Well, I'm sorry," he screamed, "I'm sorry for being such a huge disappointment and I'm sorry for feeling so fucking miserable all the time!"

He leaned forward , resting his head on his arms on the table. His body shook but whether from anger or from silent sobbing, Jack couldn't tell.

The American felt numb. He knew he should feel something, he just didn't know what it was anymore. He thought again of how easy it would be to say he was sorry, he didn't mean it, of course he could forgive him. Another painful silence stretched between them, an aching chasm that couldn't be brooked.

"Look, I've been thinking," he said eventually, "the spare bedroom – maybe it's not such a good idea."

Ianto's head shot up, his expression almost hopeful.

"I mean," Jack quickly clarified, "maybe your sister.....or Tosh."

"Oh," Ianto whimpered. His eyes filled with tears and the corners of his mouth turned downwards. He nodded his agreement.

"Of course, once you're settled" Jack touched him briefly on the shoulder, "you can take Charlie. He was always more your dog than mine anyway. In the meantime if you want to see him, or take him for a walk, just call first, yeah?"

Ianto nodded again and slowly slipped off the stool, keeping his eyes downcast as he sidled past the American and up the stairs.

Jack made himself a coffee, leaning against the counter and crossing his legs as he held the cup against his chest. He clenched his jaw hard and stared at the floor, refusing to cry as he heard Ianto moving about upstairs. The Welshman came down a few minutes later, an overnight bag slung over his shoulder.

"I'll come back in the morning after practice for the rest," he said, "when you're at work."

Jack continued to stare at the floor, afraid that if he looked at him, his resolve would break and he'd beg him to stay.

"Just post the key through the letterbox when you're done."

He poured his coffee away and rinsed the cup out, turning it upside down on the draining board. He grasped the edge of the sink hard, his fingers turning white. He didn't let go until he heard the front door click shut.


	4. Along with the Sunshine

At 6pm, the day after Ianto left, Jack came home from work to a cold, empty house.

He also found a bulky envelope waiting for him on his doormat. He bent down and picked it up, turning it over in his hands. He ran his fingers over his name, carefully picked out in Ianto's copperplate script. Like everything else about the man, Ianto's handwriting was neat and precise.

He made himself a coffee and sat down on a kitchen chair, tearing open the envelope and emptying the contents onto the table. Ianto's keys, still attached to the keyring Jack had bought him when he had moved in, made a clattering sound as they fell on to the hard, wooden surface. The keyring wasn't a big thing, Jack thought, it wasn't supposed to have any special meaning, just a fob in the shape of a coffee bean, but it had made him think of Ianto when he first saw it and it stung that he hadn't wanted to keep it. He peered into the envelope, unsure what he was hoping for, an apology maybe, or an explanation for his former lover's behaviour, or even some proof that the last four years hadn't been a complete waste of time. His chest tightened when the envelope came up empty. Angrily, he contemplated the lack of any parting words from the other man. Ianto was good with words. As long as Jack had known him, he'd kept his daily diary, recording his thoughts and feelings in poetic form. The more Jack thought about it, the angrier he got. Their time together hadn't even warranted a hastily written, "It's been good, yeah?"

Sighing, he got up and threw the fridge door open, wondering if it was worth bothering with dinner.

* * *

On the Friday, Jack had an earth shattering moment.

It happened when it came to him all of a sudden in the middle of a supermarket aisle that his lover wasn't coming back. Of course, he knew in his head before then, he'd known since the day the Welshman had left, but it took until the following Friday for his heart to catch up with his brain.

He had decided to go shopping after work that day. He'd thought perhaps it was time to restock his shelves and start eating properly again but in the end he'd left without any groceries. He'd come to an abrupt halt in the middle of the store, gazing uncomprehendingly at the contents of his trolley, trying to remember when he had filled it with all of Ianto's favourite things. He was rooted to the spot, unable to move until another shopper had snapped at him for blocking the aisle. All at once, he couldn't stand it anymore and he bolted, his vision blurring as he stumbled out of the shop. He left the half full trolley still blocking the aisle, the curses reigning down on him from the irate shopper still ringing in his ears. He sat in the car, biting his knuckles, trying and failing to hold back his tears.

* * *

On the Sunday night, more than a week after Ianto left, Jack drank himself to sleep.

Another trip to the supermarket had ended in a similarly fruitless search for something proper to eat. After wandering the aisles for 20 minutes, he had decided he really couldn't be bothered and instead of buying food, he'd grabbed a bottle of whiskey and left. On arriving home he put the bottle on the coffee table and stared at it. He watched the clock, telling himself that if he could wait until the clock passed 7.30, it would be proof enough that he wasn't craving alcoholic bliss. His stomach growled so he went into the kitchen and finding a still in date pot noodle in the back of the cupboard, he poured boiling water on it and took it back into the lounge along with a glass tumbler. He shovelled the sloppy noodles down his throat without tasting them then put the empty carton back down on the coffee table. He looked at the clock. It was 6:45. Close enough, Jack thought, twisting the lid off the bottle and pouring himself a generous measure.

The following day, Andy gave him the same disapproving look he'd given him the week before.

"What?" Jack snapped.

"Nothing."

"Good." The American growled as he sat down at his desk.

"It's just..." Andy began, "I don't want a repeat of last time."

"Don't worry; you won't need to cover for me again."

"I don't care about that. I know you're my boss but I think we're friends too. I don't want you to go downhill like you did when you and Ianto split before."

Jack sighed.

"I'm sorry," he said, "and thank you. It means a lot to me, really. Especially since all our friends seem have taken his side. None of them are talking to me. Not even Tosh, in fact she blanked me the other day."

"I don't think they're taking sides, Jack."

"Then why hasn't one of them called to ask how I am?"

Andy shook his head,

"I don't know," he said, "Look, how about we go out for a drink after work tonight. Just one mind you," he wagged his finger at the older man, "And then maybe we could grab a take away. When was the last time you ate anything?"

* * *

At 4.30am on the Wednesday morning, the week after Ianto left, Jack woke with a start from a nightmare....

....a nightmare he hadn't had since......

He groaned, turning on to his back to stare at the ceiling. "_Go on, say it,"_ he thought to himself, "_since Ianto moved in." _This time, one or two of the hideous creatures that stalked him in his dreams had faces and they were the faces of the men who had died fighting alongside him in the Gulf. When he had first met John, he'd still been broken by Desert Storm. In fact, it had been another seven years before his PTSD was diagnosed.

He turned over onto his side again, curling up and hugging his former lover's pillow tightly, waiting for sleep to overcome him again, hoping it would come before he had to start another day.

* * *

On the Friday morning, the week after Ianto left, Jack thought his ipod shuffle alarm had it in for him.

He switched it off, resisting the urge to pick the damn thing up and throw it against the wall. It wasn't as if many of the songs he'd dowloaded over the years were about being dumped, but it seemed every morning his mp3 player picked a new one to pull him from his slumber. He didn't needed to be reminded how fucking miserable his life was right now and Basehunter belting out "Now You're Gone," over a rhythmic beat really wasn't helping.

He crawled out of bed and scratched his head, yawning heavily as he dragged himself into the shower to start the day.

* * *

On Saturday, two weeks after Ianto left, Jack found Charlie hiding under the sofa again.

He coaxed him out with a doggy treat and cooed soothingly at him while tickling him behind the ear. It hurt more than he cared to admit that Ianto hadn't even attempted to see the Labrador dog that had been Jack's moving in gift to his younger lover. The American had intended to buy a puppy but when Ianto found out, he'd convinced him to give a home to an unwanted pet instead and they'd found Charlie in the Dog's Trust pound a few weeks later. They'd had him for two years and until two weeks ago, Jack would have said Ianto loved him like a baby. He pulled the dog on to his lap and buried his face in his fur. Unlike his old dog, Cherry, Charlie needed a lot of care and attention and Jack was beginning to realise that he couldn't take care of him without help. He spent too many hours at work and with no one home during the day, his pet was spending too much time alone. It broke his heart to consider it, but Jack wondered if he might have to take him back to the pound.

"Come on," he sighed, "let's go get your lead, time for your walk."

* * *

On the Monday of the third week after Ianto left, Jack flirted with John's new secretary.

Thinking it was time he arranged that lunch with his boss, Jack left his desk and wandered up to John's office. Stepping through the door, he did a double take, taking in the red haired girl sitting behind the desk. He took a couple of steps back out the door, reading the name plate again to make sure he was in the right office. Stepping back inside he grinned at her,

"Captain Jack Harkness," he beamed, "and you are."

The woman didn't bother looking up from her keyboard to reply.

"Not interested," she retorted.

"Ooh, feisty. I like you."

Her fingers paused over the keys and she peered at him. After a moment or two she relented and shook her head, flashing him an indulgent smile.

"Donna Noble," she introduced herself, holding out her hand, "I'm Mr Smith's new secretary."

"Lucky, Mr Smith," Jack grinned. Taking the hand in his, he lifted it to his lips and kissed the back of it.

She laughed and pulled away, giving his upper arm a playful punch.

"Get away with you, you smarmy bastard," she said, "some of us have got work to do."

* * *

Three weeks and two days after Ianto left, Jack was considering asking Donna Noble out on a date.

If he was being honest with himself, she wasn't his type but she was fiery and passionate and funny and he couldn't help but like her. In many ways she was the exact opposite of Ianto. Not that Ianto wasn't passionate and funny because he was, it's just that whereas the young Welshman was quiet and painstakingly measured, Donna often said the first thing that came into her head and rarely thought things through. Ianto was a complex, complicated character and getting to know him had been like peeling an onion, each layer brought a new and surprising aspect of his personality. With Donna it was very much a case of what you see is what you get, all up front and nothing hidden.

Jack wondered if her complete contrast to his former lover was part, if not all of the attraction.

* * *

At midnight on the Sunday night, three weeks and four days after Ianto left Jack was surprised by a knock on his door.

He had been about to go to bed when the knock came. He opened the door a crack, wary of who might be calling on him at that time of night.

"Owen," he exclaimed, opening the door fully, "What are you doing here, what's happened?"

"Can I come in, Jack?"

"Has something happened to Ianto?"

"Please, let me in, we need to talk. I wanted to let you know what's been going on before you hear it from anyone else."


	5. You Gotta Give

Five minutes after Jack let him in, Owen found himself still sitting on the American's sofa, watching as the man in question paced up and down in the living room. He counted one, two, three steps before the older man turned around and glared at him. He opened his mouth to say something then closed it again as Jack picked up his pacing once more.

"Sit down," Owen pleaded with him, "I can't think straight with you wearing a hole in the carpet."

Jack came to a stop and glowered at him angrily.

"Just tell me," he stormed, "I want to know what's happened to Ianto," he gulped, sucking in a lungful of air, "Is he....."

"No, shit no! No, he's not. And he's not in any immediate danger either."

The American let out the breath, puffing out his cheeks as he crumpled onto the sofa.

"Then why are you knocking on my door in the middle of night?" he asked, "what could be so urgent that it couldn't wait until morning?"

"Like I said, I didn't want you to find out about it from someone else, it's going to be all over the local news tomorrow."

"What is Owen? What are you talking about?"

The younger man leaned forward in his chair and rubbed his hands over his face, drawing Jack's attention to something he should have noticed when he'd first opened the door. The doctor looked physically and emotionally drained.

"I'm sorry," he said, "I should have offered you something to drink, coffee or tea perhaps?"

"Don't suppose you've got anything stronger?" Owen laughed humourlessly.

"Wait there," Jack said.

He left the room, returning a few minutes later with the remnants of his bottle of whisky. He poured them each a finger and watched as Owen downed his in one. He made to pour another, but the younger man shook his head and sat back.

"He's been arrested," he blurted out.

Jack's eyes widened.

"Arrested? Fuck –What for?"

"For fighting in a bar. He wasn't seriously hurt but he has some minor injuries, a broken arm and a couple of bruised ribs. He was resisting arrest apparently."

"Resisting arrest? That doesn't sound like Ianto."

"No it doesn't," Owen looked at the older man, his expression conveying a message which Jack didn't quite get, "but then he's not been himself lately has he?"

Jack looked away, hanging his head.

"No," he whispered, looking up again with water eyes, "I don't suppose he has."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel bad. Sometimes those closest are the last to notice. You shouldn't blame yourself."

"I know. I don't blame myself."

"Oh good," the doctor sounded surprised, "I mean you shouldn't, it's just...."

"I blame you."

"Me?" Owen retorted, "How is it my fault?"

"You should have known he was going to have a meltdown. You're his doctor, you should have got him some help, but oh no, not you," Jack stormed angrily, "not the great Dr Harper. You were too arrogant to ask for help. You wanted to save him yourself, didn't you? You should have referred him to a psychiatrist."

"I DID!"

"You should have........Huh? What?"

"I said I did, Ianto's been seeing a psychiatrist for months."

Jack sat back deflated.

"Oh. I I'm sorry," he stammered, "I didn't know. He never said."

"He didn't want you to know. I told him he should tell you but he wouldn't listen."

"Fuck," Jack cursed, "why does he keep doing that. Keeping things from me, not letting me in."

"He was scared of losing you but he wasn't thinking rationally. In the end, not telling you was what pushed you away," Owen hesitated, "there's something else you should know," he said, "Ianto's also been charged with possession."

"What?"

Owen turned away from the American, rubbed his hands over his face again and sighed heavily.

"Possession," he repeated.

"Possession of what?"

The doctor turned back to look at him, raising his eye-brows.

"Oh," Jack breathed.

"I don't think he's an addict, it's more that he's been self medicating. Using drugs and alcohol to alleviate the symptoms.

"Symptoms of what? What's wrong with him?"

The younger man shook his head.

"I can't say too much, Jack. I'm his doctor, it's confidential."

"Then can you at least tell me where is he now? He's not still in police custody is he, he'd hate that. He can't stand being shut in."

"No," Owen replied, "He's not in police custody. He's in hospital."

"Hospital?" Jack frowned, "I thought you said he wasn't seriously injured."

Owen gave him another pointed look.

"It's not a medical ward." He smiled tightly.

"Oh."

"I'm going to see the Club chairman in the morning to see if we can arrange a private facility for him but at the moment he's on the psych ward at the Royal."

"What's wrong with him." Jack pleaded, "Please, I need to know."

"I can't, I'm sorry." The young doctor stood up, "I should go. I've all ready said too much."

Jack grabbed his wrist,

"No, Wait. You said you can't tell me, what if I worked it out for myself."

Owen hesitated, holding the older man's gaze for a moment or two before he sighed and sat down again.

"I could be disciplined," he said.

"I won't tell anyone."

The doctor looked away, not saying anything and Jack took it as an invitation to continue. The more he thought about it, the more he realised something hadn't been right with Ianto for months. He wanted to kick his own arse to Timbuktu and back for not realising it before. Maybe if he had, things might have turned out very differently. He pursed his lips.

"He was depressed a few months back, I mean really depressed. Did you know that?" He shook his head at himself, "What am I saying," he went on, answering his own question, "of course you knew that." He ran a hand through his hair and crinkled his brow. "When it was better, it was like someone had flipped a switch. He was moody, irritable, yelling all the time, like he was two different people, more than two actually. One minute he was complaining how miserable he was, the next he was upbeat and making plans, then he was screaming and yelling at me for nothing." Jack looked at Owen, his brow furrowed further, "is he....is he schizophrenic?"

Owen rolled his eyes.

"You're not even trying Jack. What you're describing sounds more like dissociative identity disorder or split personality and that's extremely rare, so rare some practitioners don't believe it even exists. No, think about it, one minute he's depressed the next he's.........?" he made circling motions with his hand indicating for the other man to finish the sentence.

The American shook his head.

"Hyper?" he theorised.

"And another word for hyper is?"

"Over excited, jumpy, agitated..."

Owen lost his patience.

"For god's sake, manic, Jack it's manic. Ianto is manic."

"Manic? "you're saying Ianto's bi polar?"

Owen shrugged,

"I can neither deny nor confirm it," he deadpanned.

"Fuck," Jack swore. He leaned forward in his seat, grabbing a fistful of hair in each hand and rested his elbows on his knees, "fuck, fuck, fuck," he repeated.

"Mania isn't always all 'Watch me, I can fly and look at the pretty colours,'" the doctor explained, "Sometimes it is like that, and if it had been you might have recognised it sooner, but Ianto was more...over stimulated. It's like having every one of your nerve endings firing at the same time, it can make you incredibly jumpy and twitchy but to anyone who doesn't know what to look for it can seem like someone just being cranky or irritable or irrational."

Jack pulled at his hair more tightly and groaned.

"I actually said that to him," he said, "more than once, I yelled at him and said he was being irrational."

He looked up again. His eyes were glistening and Owen wasn't surprised to see tears on his cheeks.

"If you're manic you tend to be impulsive," he went on, "you have to be because your thoughts are all over the place. You have no time to think anything through properly because as soon as you start to formulate a plan, another thought pops in your head. So you act on impulse. You see something in a shop you want, you take it. You..."

Jack gave a strangled sob, "you see someone you like in a club......." he interrupted, letting the sentence hang. Owen gave him a tight smile and gave his shoulder a squeeze.

"I'm sorry," he sympathised, "It's possible he had a heightened sex drive and if you two were arguing all the time, well let's just say with all the thoughts popping around in his head it would have felt like a desperate urge to him. Like he literally _had_ to get out and get laid. I wanted to tell you. I tried to get him to tell you but he just wouldn't listen. There was nothing I could do, you understand that don't you?"

Jack nodded,

"Yeah," he whispered. He rested his head in his hands again and groaned but didn't say anything else.

"According to Ianto's psychiatrist, he was rapid cycling at the time," Owen continued, "instead of having long periods of depression or mania, his moods were shifting day by day. We're still working on getting him stabilised, but he's resisting and I don't think he's been taking his meds. Now we've got him in hospital though we'll probably section him which will mean we'll be able to medicate him without his consent."

"Owen, what should I do, I mean what can I do to help?"

"That's up to you, I wouldn't make any long term plans just yet but he needs his friends around him right now. If you think you could be a friend to him, as his doctor, I'd appreciate it."

The American nodded once more,

"Yeah, I can do that," he said. "I've fucked up badly yet again though haven't I? I don't think I can be with him now, not like before. He needs stability and we're too volatile when we're together, but I promise I'll be there for him as long as he needs me."

"Well, like I said, don't make any decisions just yet. After I've been to see the chairman tomorrow, I'm gonna go visit him, do you want me to swing by here and pick you up first."

"Yeah, thanks Owen."

"Okay," the doctor paused, "But you need to prepare yourself. He's.....he's really not himself and he was deteriorating fast before this anyway. As I said, he's been self medicating and people were beginning to notice. Aled was going to cut him but I managed to convince him to let me give him some medical leave instead. Until about five days ago I'd been seeing him every day but then he just disappeared off the radar. He didn't turn up for his appointment and when I went looking for him, I found out he'd been lying to all of us. He told me he'd been staying with his sister but she said he was staying with Rhys and Gwen and Rhys said he'd told him he was staying at Tosh's. I know that isn't true 'cause...well," Owen cleared his throat, "I've been spending quite a bit of time there myself lately."

"So where the hell has he been staying."

"I dunno, sleeping in his car? Going home with strangers? It wouldn't be the first time he's slept rough, did you know that?"

Jack felt a familiar tightening in his chest,

"No," he shook his head sadly, "he never told me."

"I was still trying to find him when I got a call from the hospital. I usually do a bit of locum work in the A & E department when the season is finished, and one of the doctors there recognised him and gave me a call. By the time I got down there they'd sedated him but I could see he was in a bad way. My pal said he'd been incoherent, talking rapidly about nothing and not really making any sense," he touched the American lightly on the arm, "He also said it didn't look as if Ianto was talking to himself...it was more as if he was talking to somebody else, somebody only he could see or hear."

"He was hallucinating?"

"It would appear so, yes. Whether it's auditory or visual hallucinations, I'm not sure."

Jack gulped.

"Will he...Owen, will he ever get better?"

"Yes, Jack. He will. I'm sure of it. Once people with bi polar get under control they can live perfectly productive lives. He may still have episodes but they'll be less severe and he'll have more time between episodes."

"Thank god."

"And now, I've really got to go. I'll see you in the morning," he looked at his watch, "Or should I say later today."

By the time Jack let Owen out, it was past one o'clock. Not sure if he'd be able to sleep, he poured himself another whisky. He nursed it, close to his chest as he stared into space. He wanted to scream and shout and yell like a baby but at what or who he didn't know. He couldn't get the image of Ianto, his beautiful Welshman living on the street; and all the time Jack had been wallowing in his own selfish pity party, Ianto had been out there, confused and alone. Standing up, he kicked the leg of the coffee table hard enough for the whisky bottle to topple over and spill the rest of its contents on to the floor. His first thought was of how Ianto would kill him for making a mess. He kicked the table again and this time the glass fell off and smashed on the hard wood floor. Without looking back, Jack left it and went to bed.

He slept fitfully. When he woke in the morning his head was splitting and he felt sick. He crawled out of bed and pulled his jeans over his boxers. He went downstairs, turned on the coffee machine and switched on the TV in the kitchen, watching the news while he waited for the coffee to brew. By the time the presenter announced it was time to "find out what's happening where you're waking up this morning," the coffee was ready. He poured himself a mug and sat at the table to see if there was anything about Ianto in the bulletin. It turned out to be the lead story.

"_Gay rugby player, Ianto Jones,"_ the local newscaster began. Jack hitched a laugh at that. Ianto always hated it when people referred to his sexuality when it wasn't relevant. He could almost hear his voice now, Welsh accent thickening in the way it always did when he was annoyed, _no one ever says David Beckham, straight footballer do they?_

He brought his attention back to the TV as the report continued.

"_arrested last night following an incident in a pub in Cardiff City Centre. We're not sure at present what the charges are but an unconfirmed source at the pub claimed the Blues' Full Back was violent and may have been in possession of a controlled substance. Mr Jones is a former Pride of Cardiff, Sports Personality of the Year and apart from an incident a few years ago involving another team mate, his record on and off the pitch is exemplary but he has spoken openly in the past about his mental health issues. No one was available for comment at the Blues this morning but the club Chairman is expected to make a statement later today. We'll bring you further details when we have them."_

Five minutes later, Jack's landline rang.

"Jack Harkness," he said, picking up the receiver.

"Jack's it John Smith. Erm, have you seen the news."

"Yeah Doc, it's okay, I have. And Ianto's doctor told me about it last night."

"Doctor? Is he okay?"

"Physically, yeah?"

"Ah. Is there anything I can do?"

"Well, I was going to visit him this morning."

"Of course, Jack. Take all the time you need."

"Thanks, Doc. I'll ring you later and let you know what's happening."

"Bye Jack, and look after yourself."

"I will, John. Thanks."

After clearing up the mess in the living room, Jack went upstairs, showered and put on clean clothes. Then he went back down to the kitchen, made himself some toast and took it through to the living room, settling down to watch the BBC News Channel while he waited for Owen.

A few minutes after 10 am, Jack answered a knock on the door, grabbing his keys and wallet form the hall stand on the way out.

"I've got Tosh in the car with me," Owen told him.

"Oh," Jack answered, "is she still mad at me?"

The young doctor shook his head,

"You've got it wrong, you know. She was never mad at you. Ianto made her promise not to tell you anything. Not that she knew it all, but she knew more than you and she was afraid if she talked to you she wouldn't be able to hold it in."

As they approached the car which was parked a little way up the street, the passenger side door opened and Tosh rushed out to greet them. She gave Jack a tight hug as he wrapped his arms around her, kissing the top of her head.

"I'm sorry," he said, "you tried to tell me, that morning in my office but I didn't want to listen. I was too hurt and angry."

"It's okay, Jack. I'm sorry too. You know I wanted to tell you."

"Come on, you two," Owen said, climbing in the car, "Let's go."

Jack climbed in the back,

"Does he need anything," he asked, "Pyjamas or toiletries?"

"No. I spoke to Rhiannon this morning. She's going to swing by the shops on the way in and pick up what he needs. No one knows where his car is or all his stuff but no doubt it will turn up eventually. When it does it might give us an idea where he's been these last few days."

At the hospital, Owen used his pass to park in the staff car park. He gently suggested that Tosh and Jack should wait outside the ward for a minute or two while he went in to see how thing were. He returned after about 15 minutes to find them murmuring softly to each other.

"I've seen him," he said, "and I've spoken to his nurse. He's awake and he's okay but......."

"but what?" Tosh asked.

"It's not unusual for people to react this way after a trauma. His mind has shut down. He's not exactly catatonic but I wouldn't expect too much."

Jack felt Tosh's hand in his and he gave it a squeeze as they pushed open the swing doors and followed Owen on to the ward.


	6. Still Waters Run Deep

As Jack and Toshiko followed Owen into Ianto's room, the Welshman appeared not to notice them. He was sitting cross legged on the bed, humming softly to himself. One of his arms was wrapped in a bright pink plaster cast and hung loosely in his lap, while the other rested on his knee as he cradled his head with it. Jack smiled at the colour of the cast and wondered if it had been Ianto's own choice or some plaster technicians idea of a joke.

He let go of Tosh's hand and moved further into the room. He moved slowly, wary of startling the younger man. He glanced nervously at Owen and when the doctor nodded he sat down on the bed. He reached out and gently lifted Ianto's good arm, taking the hand in his. Ianto immediately stopped humming. He raised his head and frowned, something flashed briefly across his features but it was gone as quickly as it appeared and he slowly pulled his arm back again. He pulled his knees up to his chin, wrapped his arms around them and started rocking backwards and forwards.

Tosh sat on the chair by the bed and placed her hand on Ianto's back, between the shoulder blades. He stopped rocking but didn't look up.

She whispered, "Ianto?"

He muttered something in response but she didn't hear what it was. There was a moment or two of silence because no one could think of anything to say, then the young Welshman started murmuring quietly to himself. He spoke so quickly and so quietly that they were only able to catch part of what he said.

"You dreaming, Ianto?" he asked himself, "Heads in the clouds Ianto........................Gay boy, Ianto, taking it up the arse?"

Jack listened in horror as the younger man's mutterings grew more and more offensive. He hoped the young Welshman wasn't repeating insults he'd had hurled at him in the past but he suspected that's exactly what was happening.

"................bum fucking, arse bandit Ianto........"

Tosh gave a startled cry and looked at Owen, silently asking him to do something. He shrugged,

"He doesn't know what he's saying." He said.

"Shirtlifting, cock sucker, Ianto?"

Jack could stand no more.

"Ianto, stop!" he yelled.

The effect was instantaneous. Ianto took a huge intake of breath and shot up, standing on the bed and letting out a piteous yelp. He backed up, wobbling precariously, until he was hugging the wall.

"Be careful," Tosh warned, "you'll fall."

Without taking his eyes of Jack, Ianto screamed. He begged for help, shouting and yelling at the top of his voice. Owen ran to the door and called for a nurse.

"Maybe you should go," he told Jack, "There's a cafeteria downstairs, why don't you go and get yourself a coffee. I'll come and get you when we've calmed him down."

Jack reached out towards Ianto but the younger man cringed and whimpered a little as he tried to get away.

"Just go," Owen said

The American sighed and buried his head in his hands. He rubbed his eyes with the heel of his palm, then looked up again.

"I'm sorry, Ianto," he said, "so sorry."

With that, he turned and bolted out of the room.

He bought himself a coffee in the cafeteria and let it grow cold as he stared at nothing in particular. He had no idea how much time had passed before Owen joined him.

"Hey."

The doctor sat down and slouched in the seat, letting his head flop back. He pinched the bridge of his nose and let out a tired sigh.

"How is he?" Jack asked.

"He's fine. He calmed down after you left."

"Why do you think he reacted like that towards me."

Owen sat up straight.

"I don't know," he said, "but you shouldn't take it personally. He was probably hallucinating, it may have nothing to do with you at all."

Jack held his head in his hands, "and why is he suddenly so much worse?" he wondered, "You said he was diagnosed months ago but he wasn't like this then."

"I'm no expert," Owen replied, "but maybe before now he was suffering from hypomania, a sort of less severe version. It's possible he's had some kind of trauma that pushed him into full blown mania. Perhaps that's why he went missing."

Jack took a deep breath and let it out with a sigh.

"It's all my fault," he said, "if I hadn't kicked him out........"

"It wasn't your fault. You weren't to know and anyway hindsight is a wonderful thing. If it's anyone's fault it's mine. I should have told you sooner or I should at least have made sure he was safe and not taken his word for it he was with his sister."

Jack sighed again.

"Fuck, this is such a mess."

"Yeah, it is but don't worry, it will get better." Owen stood up. "Come back upstairs and see for yourself he's okay, and then I think we should all go home and let him get some rest."

**TWTWTWTWTW**

Jack's routine was little short of hectic over the next few weeks.

Every day he tried to eat something healthy for lunch so he could just grab a sandwich after work and travel straight to the hospital for evening visiting. Owen had managed to find Ianto a bed in a private psychiatric facility on the outskirts of the city. It was surrounded by pleasant gardens and if the weather was nice and Ianto was well enough, Jack would often times take him for a stroll around the grounds. Sometimes it was just the two of them and Jack liked those times the best but sometimes there would be one of Ianto's other friends there too. His sister usually visited during the day and was gone by the time Jack got there and the American was beginning to suspect she was avoiding him.

Ianto didn't seem to remember the incident where he'd reacted so violently towards Jack and he was rarely irritable anymore. Jack could anticipate his moods and had learned early on how to deal with each of them. Most days the Welshman took almost childlike glee in everything from fruit to flushing the toilet and light switches. Worriedly though, he wasn't responding at all to treatment.

Jack pulled his car into the large car park in front of the hospital building. He offered up a prayer of thanks to Owen for finding this place and to the Blues chairman for continuing to pay the fees. Having spent most of his life in America, where there was no National Health, he was a great believer in the British principle of equal access to healthcare for all, but he was relieved Ianto had been committed to a facility such as this. A place with pleasant surroundings and excellent facilities; a five star hotel compared to Cardiff Royal.

He entered the building, acknowledged the woman behind the reception desk with a smile and a nod and then made his way up the stairs to Ianto's ward. He passed a nurses' station and spoke a greeting to the nurses there before going into the Welshman's room. Finding it empty he came out again and walked along the corridor to the day room. He smiled at a few of the patients he recognised and then left, running into Marc, the mental health nurse allocated to look after Ianto.

"Have you checked under the bed?" the nurse grinned, "Apparently aliens are invading again."

"Ah, thanks." Jack replied.

He went back into the room and knelt down on all fours in front of the bed.

"Hey you," he said.

Ianto's eyes widened, he placed a finger to his lips and cocked his head to one side. After about 10 seconds Jack opened his mouth to say something else but the Welshman took the finger from his lips and held the hand palm up. He waited a breath before turning the hand over and giving the fingers a couple of quick flicks towards himself. Jack sighed, grabbed the pillows from the bed and crawled under it. He placed the pillows under Ianto's head and lay down next to him, crossing his feet at the ankles.

"So who are we hiding from?" he asked.

**TWTWTWTWTW**

Sometime later, Jack found Ianto pacing and muttering to himself. The younger man stopped abruptly, his face lighting up when he saw Jack. He gave the American a heart stopping smile.

"Jack," he squealed happily, "Oh, I've got to tell you something."

"What have you got to tell me," Jack chuckled.

Without missing a beat or losing his happy grin the other man replied,

"I've no idea, I can't remember."

Jack laughed out loud and sat on the bed while Ianto's eyes flicked to the side as he tried to access the memory. His grin turned into a frown and he started to mutter and bang his head with the heel of his palm.

"C'mon, you idiot, what have you got to tell, Jack. Think Ianto, think."

Recognising the signs, Jack looked around for something to distract Ianto with, hoping to prevent a whole scale meltdown. In all likelihood the younger man wanted to tell him something inconsequential like what he'd had for lunch or why the water always went down the plug hole the same way, but if Jack couldn't divert his attention, he wouldn't stop until he was a screaming wreck.

He put the bag of grapes he'd brought with him down on the bedside table. He knew bringing grapes to a hospital was a cliché but the younger man had developed an insane love of them. _Okay, _he thought, _bad choice of words, but Ianto had grown inordinately fond of them._

"Oooh, grapes."

The Welshman grabbed the bag and emptied the contents on to the bed. He gathered up all the loose ones, about 20 in all and stuffed the whole lot in his mouth. He grinned around them and most of the juice ran down his chin. Jack couldn't help himself; he placed a hand on the Welshman's cheek, extending his thumb to wipe the juice away then, waiting for Ianto to swallow, he kissed him soundly on the lips. When he pulled away, he ruffled the younger man's hair affectionately.

**TWTWTWTWTWTW**

"What have you got there?" Jack asked.

Ianto jumped and looked up guiltily. He drew his hand tighter around whatever it was and held it against his chest.

"Nuthing."

Jack peered at him and put on a stern voice.

"Show me," he said.

The younger man hung his head and pouted but slowly opened his palm to reveal a smooth, round pebble, probably picked up from one of the gravel paths in the grounds.

"What is it?" Jack asked.

He made to take it from him, but Ianto quickly closed his hand over it and pulled away.

"Don't!" he barked.

"Why, what is it?"

"It's the machine," he replied.

"The machine? What does it do?"

"Talks to me, puts the voice in my head."

"What does it say?"

"It wants to give me things. Anything I want. Only it's sneaky, it wants something in return, something big and......" he looked away, "I'm scared it wants too much."

"Why don't you give it to me, I'll take it away for you?"

"No!"

Ianto looked at the American with horror.

"Once you touch it, it's got you," he said, "It'll talk to you too, put the voice in your head, and once that happens you can never put it down. It won't stop until it gets what it wants."

He started to cry and Jack put an arm around his shoulders.

"Hey, hey hush," he soothed, "I'll sort it."

He lifted the other man's chin and gave him a kiss on the lips.

"You trust me?" he asked.

Ianto nodded. Jack looked around and spotting an empty grape bag on the bedside table, he picked it up and held it open.

"Just drop it in there and then I won't need to touch it."

The younger man looked doubtfully at the bag. He opened his hand and looked at the pebble, then looked at the bag again. Slowly at first, and then all of a sudden he dropped the stone into the bag.

He beamed.

"There you are," Jack chuckled, "I told you, I'd sort it. Now, What did you ask it for?"

Ianto gulped and raised his eyes to meet the older man's.

"You," he breathed.

As Jack met his gaze, he felt as if his heart was going to burst. He didn't speak for a long time and when he did he had come to a decision.

"You already had me," he said eventually, "you don't need any silly machine for that."

**TWTWTWTWTW**

"Jack, Jack, Jack," Ianto yelped, "Let's do it, Jack. Let's do the thing."

Jack sighed. Of all Ianto's moods wide eyed enthusiasm was the most exhausting.

"What thing?" he asked.

"What thing? What thing? What thing? The thing, Jack. The thing."

Jack shrugged and shook his head.

"Oh, never mind," Ianto said, "dance with me."

He grabbed Jack by the waist and twirled him around with such wild abandon it made the American dizzy.

"Stop," he laughed, "you're giving me a headache."

Ianto let him go but continued the dance alone, twirling around the room until his circuit took him close to the bed then collapsing backwards on to it, gasping for breath and giggling uncontrollably. Jack looked on sadly. In other circumstances it might have been refreshing to see the younger man lose all his inhibitions like this, but Jack knew it was just the mania and this Ianto was as far removed from the real Ianto as it was possible to get. The Welshman sat up, climbing on his knees and bouncing up and down.

"We should do it, Jack. We should do the thing."

"We've established that," Jack replied, "now we just need to establish what the thing is."

"The thing, Jack. The thing."

Jack groaned. He knew from experience this could go on all night.

"You know, the thing." Ianto continued, "The thing where there's cake, and music and dancing and champagne and cake."

"You want to have a party?"

"Yes," the Welshman's face lit up. "No," he frowned, "I mean yes." His face lit up again.

"Which is it?" Jack asked.

Ianto jumped to a standing position and started to leap up and down on the bed.

"Yes, only there's more. There's cake and there's toasts and there's speeches and people saying nice things about you, and you have to invite people you hate, and one of you wears a white dress," he paused and stopped jumping, "only we won't do that last part," he said. He started jumping up and down again, "and there's cake," he finished happily.

Jack's mouth dropped open. He gaped at Ianto in surprise.

"You, you wanna get married," he stammered.

Ianto added a half turn to each jump.

"Yeah, Jack, Yeah. Let's do that, let's get married."

Jack staggered back into the chair by the bed. He buried his face in his hands. After a while, aware that Ianto was still leaping on the bed and in danger of hurting himself, he pulled himself together and sighed heavily before looking up, running his hands through his hair as he lifted his head.

"Come down off the bed and I'll think about it," he said.

**TWTWTWTWTW**

"Don't come any closer," Ianto yelled.

Jack stepped tentatively into the room to find him standing by the bed, two fingers pointing at his temple like a gun.

"Okaay," he said, taking another step forward.

"Stop or I'll shoot?"

Jack stopped dead and held up his hands.

"Okay, Okay but why don't you put the gun down, Ianto. We can talk about this?"

"No. Get back."

"c'mon, you don't want to do this, do you? Just give me the gun."

He took another step forward.

Ianto yelled "Bang". His head ricocheted to one side and he fell to his knees. The American rushed forward and caught him, gently lowering him to the ground. He lay him down on the floor, one leg stretched out and the other bent at the knee, his head resting in Jack's lap. The young Welshman closed his eyes and took some shallow breaths in and out. Jack shook him,

"Stay with me, Ianto."

His eyes flickered open.

"I love you," he whispered.

The older man shook his head, desperately.

"Don't."

Ianto took a deep shuddering breath, and then let his head fall to one side, his tongue lolling out. Jack knew this was just a silly game Ianto's disordered mind had constructed, but he felt a swell of emotion bubbling up in his chest. His heart thudded and he closed his eyes, feeling hot tears build up behind his eyelids.

From his position in the doorway, Rhys Williams shook his head at the scene before him.

"Shot himself again, has he?" he tutted.

Ianto cracked open one eye

"What the fuck is 'don't' supposed to mean?"

**TWTWTWTWTW**

Marc rolled his eyes at his patient and chuckled,

"All I'm saying, Ianto is your flirting is wasted on me. Even if I weren't straight, I'm way out of your league. Anyway, what about that gorgeous American of yours."

"Gorgeous is he? I thought you said you were straight."

"I am, but everyone thinks your American is gorgeous. It's all the nurses can talk about. Even matron's smitten." He took a box of pills from the drugs trolley and pushed one of the white capsules from the blister pack into a small, plastic cup. "Now here take your meds, you horny bastard," he grinned.

Ianto took the cup. He lifted it to his lips, threw his head back and swallowed.

"Let me see," Marc said.

Ianto opened his mouth as wide as it would go and stuck out his tongue.

"And underneath," the nurse said.

Ianto guiltily spat the tablet out into his palm and grinned.

"Can't blame a guy for trying," he said.

He put it back in his mouth and swallowed, then stuck out his tongue again but this time flipping it up to show the underside as well.

"Good boy," the nurse chuckled, before taking the cup back.

As soon as Marc left the room Ianto balked and spat the capsule into his palm. Controlling his gag reflex was just one of Ianto's many transferable skills and he giggled happily to himself as he went into the bathroom, dropped the tablet into the toilet and flushed.


	7. If Sweet Talking You

Jack made a grab for his phone before its vibrating ring sent it flying off the edge of his desk. He frowned when he saw the caller id.

"Ianto?" he asked, worriedly, "what is it?"

"Jack, Oh my god." Ianto's voice rose an octave, the final syllable coming out in a sort of strangled whisper. Jack got the distinct impression he was hiding from someone.

"What is it?" The American asked again, swallowing down his own panic.

"You gotta help me Jack. They're coming for me."

"Who is? Who's coming?"

"They're sticking me, Jack. They're sticking me with needles."

When the phone went dead, Jack assumed Ianto had cut the call. He tried not to let his imagination runaway with him as he flipped through the phone's address book to find the number of the hospital.

"Is everything okay?" Andy asked.

The older man shrugged not trusting himself to speak yet. He pressed the call button and waited, drumming his fingers impatiently on the desk.

"Ward 3," he snapped when the call was connected.

He waited again, picking up his anxious drumming until he was put through to the ward.

"Can I speak to Marc please," he asked.

"I'm sorry Marc won't be in until later," a voice replied.

"Then can I speak to whoever is looking after Ianto Jones this shift. It's urgent."

"Certainly, can I ask who is calling?"

"Jack Harkness."

"Ah. In that case, I'm sorry Mr Harkness but I'm not at liberty to discuss Mr Jones's care with you."

"I beg your pardon,"

"I said, sir..."

"I heard what you said," Jack snarled angrily, "I want to know what you mean by that. It's not the 1950's anymore, ya know."

"If you're implying what I think you are implying," the voice replied tartly, "I can assure you that gender has nothing whatsoever to do with this."

"Then what's the problem. I've been at the hospital every night and this is the first time anyone has refused to discuss Ianto's care with me."

"I am very aware of that sir, but that was before the hospital was in full possession of all the facts."

"What facts, what the hell are you talking about?"

There was a short pause at the other end of the line before the owner of the voice continued.

"I'm very sorry but if you require any further information you will need to speak to our legal department. Would you like the number?"

Jack made a low growling sound in the back of his throat.

"You know what forget it," he snapped, "You just better hope you can justify this, because if you can't I am going to sue the ass of your whole damn hospital."

He ended the call and threw up his arms with a loud growl.

Andy looked at him with concern.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"I've no idea, Andy," Jack replied, pressing the speed dial for Owen, "but I'm sure as hell going to find out."

"Dr Harper" Owen answered the phone on the first ring.

The American immediately began to recite what had happened, his worry making him yell a little. When he'd finished the story, the doctor tried to calm him down.

"It's probably just a misunderstanding," he said, "give me five minutes and I'll see what I can find out."

Fifteen minutes later, Jack's phone rang again.

"Jack, we need to talk," Owen told him, "but not over the phone, can I come over?"

TWTWTWTW

Owen poked his head around the office door. He sighed when he saw that Jack was pacing anxiously and Andy looked more than a little relieved to see him.

"What the fuck is going on." The American growled, not giving him a chance to catch his breath or say hello.

He nodded a greeting at Andy who took the hint and excused himself to go for coffee.

"You need to sit down, Jack," Owen said, "and please try to stay calm. This is no place for us to have a shouting match."

"Sorry," Jack took a deep breath. "I'm sorry," he repeated. He pulled up a chair and sat on the edge of his desk, facing it.

"Firstly, you need to know Ianto is fine," Owen began, sitting down in the chair, "he's just in a bit of a panic because the hospital has switched him from oral meds to injections."

"They can do that," Jack wondered, "inject him against his will?"

"He was sectioned," Owen shrugged, "they can do whatever they think is necessary to get him well."

"And if he point blank refuses."

"Like I said, they'll do whatever they think is necessary."

"You mean they'll hold him down and force him don't you? Fuck," the older man cursed, "why the hell wouldn't they tell me? I could have been there. I could keep him calm at least."

Owen stayed quiet.

"There something else isn't there?" Jack guessed

"Yeah," the doctor replied, "it's his sister, she's applied for power of attorney."

"That's not unexpected but what's that got to do with me?"

Owen took a deep breath and pushed it out. He closed his eyes and rubbed the point just above the bridge of his nose. He sighed again and then looked up.

"She's taken out an injunction against you." he murmured.

Jack reeled, his mouth falling open.

"She's done what..." he shouted.

Owen winced,

"Don't yell at me, Jack. I'm sure she's doing what she thinks is right. She thinks she's protecting him."

"Protecting him from what, from me? What the fuck does she think I'm going to do to him? What does the injunction say?"

"That you're not allowed to go within 50 feet of him or to contact him in any way."

"She can't do that, can she?"

"According to the court she can. It appears she's gone through all the legal channels. She feels that given you weren't even together when this happened, he isn't really rational enough at the moment to make an informed decision about his future with you, She claims you're pressuring him."

Jack stood up, walked around the desk and sat down in his chair. He put his head in his hands.

"I wasn't pressuring him," he pouted, "We're just friends."

"Really?" Owen raised one eye-brow, "friends or friends with benefits?" he asked.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean. He's in hospital. What am I going to do, screw him in the linen cupboard?"

"No," Owen snapped back, "but you have been kissing quite a lot lately, and I'm not talking about a friendly peck on the cheek am I?"

Jack looked up sharply and glared at the doctor.

"What?" Owen continued, "you haven't exactly been discreet, plus Ianto talks. Most of it doesn't make sense but you get enough of the gist to see what's been going on."

"What's been going on? You make it sound like I'm taking advantage of him," Jack stood up, placing both his palms on the desk and looming over the younger man, staring him down. "What the hell are you accusing me of here? Am I not allowed to kiss the people I care about now?"

Owen met his gaze without wavering,

"I don't know," he replied, "Do you kiss all your friends that way?"

Jack sat back deflated.

"I love him," he stated simply.

"You're sure about that are you? It's not just this version of him, with all his childlike innocence and wide eyed devotion. Because pretty soon, that's going to change, and he's going to go back to the annoying, shitty little Welshman he always was."

Jack grinned.

"Ahhh, but he's my shitty, little Welshman...." Jack's face took on a faraway look, "and not that little as it happens." He sighed dreamily.

Owen shuddered.

"Oh, fuck. I so wish you hadn't said that. Now I'm going to have that image stuck in my head all day."

Jack laughed.

"If we can be serious for a moment," Owen went on, giving him a sidelong look, "Ianto is going to be back with all his deep seated neuroses and messy contradictions, only this time you're going to be adding a bloodstream full of lithium into the mix. He might put on weight, he could get a bit spotty, he's not going to be able to drink any alcohol at all and he might even go off sex for a while."

Jack thumped the desk.

"Dammit, Owen. Is that what you all think of me? You really think I'm so shallow that all I care about is how Ianto looks or how great he is in the sack."

"You can't deny it, Jack. Those things are important to you. You're a physical kind of guy and you can't help surrounding yourself with young and good looking people who adore you. After all, how long did it take you to throw off Ianto the minute he stopped being the adoring little puppy dog you expected him to be."

The older man's eyes flashed dangerously.

"That's not fair, and you know it. He was seeing someone else for fuck's sake."

"Was that the reason you chucked him, Jack or was that just the excuse, admit it, you were relieved when you caught him out. Things were tough, and as we all know, when the going gets tough, Jack Harkness gets going."

"Now that really isn't fair. I was with John for fifteen years for a start."

"Yeah? And why did you leave him?" Owen raised an eye-brow, "things got tough, eh. Only being Jack Harkness you couldn't just move across town. Oh no, you had to skip continents on the poor guy."

Jack rested his head in his hands again, grabbing a fistful of hair in each hand and tugging. Fuck it, he thought, Owen was right and he couldn't deny it anymore, only.........

He lifted his head.

"Owen, look at me."

The doctor looked at him and frowned, shaking his head.

Jack sighed.

"I don't do the false modesty thing," he said, "I get enough attention from men and women to know I'm vaguely attractive, but..." he paused, "Look, what I'm about to tell you does not leave this room"

"Okay."

"The thing is, Owen. I'm 43 years old....."

The doctor did a mock gasp of shock and barked out a laugh.

"Much as that revelation astounds me," he chuckled, "I wasn't aware it was a secret. I'm pretty sure Tosh knows, and Gwen and Rhys probably have inkling."

Jack rolled his eyes.

"That's not the secret," he said, "As I was saying I'm 43 years old and Ianto is 26."

Owen frowned and shook his head again.

"So?" he asked.

"So.....," Jack looked away and took a deep breath before turning his gaze back on the doctor, "So I'm not foolish enough to think he's still going to want me in, oh I don't know,20 years when he's still in his fourties and I'm pushing retirement age, with grey hair and a beer gut and with my bits not working properly."

"Oh. My. God," Owen smirked. "Under that brash, arrogant, cocksure exterior lies a slightly insecure, sensitive guy with abandonment issues. Don't worry, your secret is safe with me."

"Gee thanks."

"Have you talked to Ianto about this?"

"No, I can't."

"You know, maybe you should," Owen replied, "when we've got all this straightened out. He might surprise you. Oh and by the way," he stood up and walked over to the door, "when the time comes I can probably prescribe something for that."

"For what?" Jack frowned.

"Erectile dysfunction." the other man smirked.

Jack picked up the stapler off his desk, and threw it at the younger man. The doctor ducked out the door and the stapler made a clattering noise as it bounced off the door frame. Jack could hear him still laughing as he walked away down the corridor.

Later that day, Jack reached in his desk drawer and took out an A4 pad. _Screw the injunction_, he thought. He lifted the pen off his desk and chewed on it thoughtfully for a few moments before starting to write.

"_Ianto, _

_I may not be able to see you for a while and if that happens I wanted you to know..."_

He growled in frustration, raked a hand through his hair and ripped the sheet from the pad, scrunching it up in a ball and throwing it in the waste paper basket under his desk. He took a deep breath and started again,

_Ianto,_

_I love you, I've loved you since the very first moment you fell into my lap and I'll love you until the day I die if you let me._

_By the time you get this letter, we may not have seen each other for a few weeks. I want you to know that it wasn't because I wanted to stay away. In fact, if I could, I'd spend every minute of every day there with you. I hope Owen and Tosh and Gwen and Rhys have been able to convince you of that, even if they are not able to tell you why I had to stay away. Just know, it wasn't my decision and I am doing everything I can to find my way back to you._

_All those weeks ago when Owen first told me that you weren't well, a lot of things slotted in to place. Things I should have seen, things I missed because I didn't want to see them or because I was too wrapped up in feeling sorry for myself. I wish I could come up with a better excuse but I don't have one. I failed you, Ianto. I wasn't there for you when you needed me and I will always regret that. _

_At first, I told Owen that I wanted us to be just friends. I didn't want to hurt you again. However, I have changed my mind about that and I don't want to be your friend anymore. I want more than that, much more. I want you to hold me at night when I wake up from a nightmare, I want to snuggle up on the sofa and watch TV with you, I want to wake up late on Saturday mornings and bring you breakfast in bed. In short Ianto, I want it all._

_I am going to give this letter to Gwen or Tosh and if I can't see you, I will ask them to give it to you when they think you are ready. I want you know, whatever you hear from anyone else or whatever you might think, I don't care about the past, I want you back in my life where you belong. _

_I miss you so much. It sounds funny to say that because as I am writing this I only saw you last night, but I mean I miss you, the real you. I miss your clever wit, the way you roll your eyes when I do something stupid, the way you can make your eyes smile even when the rest of you is serious, I miss date nights and duvet days and just being with you. If simply wishing something could make it happen I'd go back six months and do it all differently. I'd do whatever you needed and be whatever you needed me to be. I'm not going to pretend it was all my fault. You said some hurtful things, I said some hurtful things back. You did some things that I thought were unforgivable at the time but I was wrong about that too. I forgive you, Ianto. I hope you can forgive me too._

_Please know that even though I can't be with you, you are always in my thoughts and in my heart, now and forever,_

_Yours always_

_Jack_

_PS: I'm thinking of road testing a few pet names for you – how does Hug Muffin grab you?_

Three weeks later, Tosh came into his office one morning and dropped something on his desk. Jack's grin could have lit up the entire office block when he saw his name in Ianto's neat handwriting on the front of the envelope.


	8. could make it come true

_Jack_

_I love you too. _

_I'm not su__re__ why you can't come and see me but everyone keeps telling me that you'd come if you could. Everyone except Rhiannon that is. She refuses to talk about you. She keeps giving Johnny these odd looks whenever I mention your name. I feel like yelling at her. I may be crazy but I'm not blind. Maybe it's just me? Maybe I'm imagining it, maybe I'm hallucinating, maybe I've hallucinated you. (Oh, be right back!)_

_Sorry, I had a moment there, had to go shout Marc and ask him if you really existed. He said, and I quote,  
_

_"Ianto, number one, stop shouting, this is not Cardiff Royal, this is an exclusive facility for the mentally incapacitated. We expect a better class of loony here."_

_Ha, Ha. No he didn't, I'm lying. What he actually said is that of course you exist and I should stop being so silly. He asked me when was the last time I had an hallucination which I thought was a bit of a stupid question for a Mental Health Professional. I mean, if I knew it was an hallucination, it wouldn't be one would it? He said I shouldn't worry anyway because it's schizophrenics who have hallucinations. I'm bi polar and we have delusions, apparently there's a difference. I said how do I know I'm not a schizophrenic having an hallucination that I'm bi polar but he said that wouldn't be an hallucination that would be a delusion, then he told me to stop making a fuss and go back to bed. I'd report him to matron but she hates me, unless that's a delusion in which case she really likes me.  
_

_All this talk of delusions has got me thinking though, how will I know what is real and what was just in my head. My thoughts are so mixed up right now. For one thing I'm not really sure how I ended up here. It's like that feeling you get when you wake up from a really vivid dream, when you're still not sure if it was a dream or if it actually happened. Marc says I should stop thinking about it for now and just enjoy the rest. He says when my mind is ready, it will all become clear. _

_To be honest, most of your letter doesn't make sense to me. I don't know what you are forgiving me for and why do I need to forgive you? I know we were going through a rough patch, but I thought we'd work things out eventually. I just want you to know that I miss all those things too. I hope we can see each other soon.  
_

_Tosh has told me not to tell anyone else that you have written to me, so I won't._

_Yours always_

_Ianto_

_PS: Never call me Hug Muffin in public...or in private, or anywhere at all. In fact, I'm going to wipe it from my memory and pretend I never read it._

TWTWTWTW

_Ianto,_

_I'm sorry if my letter upset you, I don't want you to worry about any of it, okay? All I ask is that when the time comes__ you bear in mind__ what I've said, I forgive you and I want a fresh start. I don't want either of us to dwell on the past anymore. What matters is the here and now, and in the here and now I want you. It would make me so happy if you wanted me too, but if you don't, if you decide you want something or someone else, then I'll try to be happy that you are happy. _

_Please keep taking your meds and do what Marc and the doctors tell you so you can be well soon.  
_

_Thinking of you always_

_Jack_

_PS: Not keen on Hug Muffin? How about Pookie, Baby Bear, Tiger Pants, Squishy or Yannikins._

TWTWTWTW

_Dear Jack_

_I'm being a good boy now and doing everything Marc says. I'll let you in to a little secret, I wasn't taking my meds before. __ I can't explain why, maybe it was because I didn't want to deal with everything and I was putting it off for as long as possible but everyone here is very happy with me now. Marc says if I keep this up I could even have my iphone back and then we would be able to text and call each other.  
_

_I'm still a bit groggy but I'm starting to remember bits and pieces. I remember we had a big fight and I left didn't I? I don't remember what the fight was about but I remember packing. All the time I was in the bedroom throwing things into a bag, I kept thinking you'd come upstairs and say it was all a big mistake._

_I've been thinking about Charlie lately too. I can't believe I forgot about him. Have you been able to manage him on your own because I know he can be a handful. Please don't tell me you gave him up. I'll understand if you had to, but I'll miss him.  
_

_In your last letter you said I might want someone else. That seems a strange thing to say. Why would I want anyone else. I've always wanted you. I've never felt this way about anyone before. Sometimes it scares me just how much I want you.  
_

_I love you and I miss you more each day,_

_Ianto_

_PS: No, definitely no, maybe, when hell freezes over and Yannikins? seriously have you got a death wish or something?_

TWTWTWTW

_Dear Tiger Pants (Well you did say maybe)_

_My boss, John asked after you today. He says when you come out of hospital I can take some personal time. It won't be long as we are understaffed, but I thought if you felt well enough maybe we could go away for a few days. I'd love to show you where I grew up in Scotland but that would mean we'd have to visit Melissa and I don't think you would be up to that yet. Maybe next year.  
_

_Charlie is fine. I almost did give him away, Ianto, not because I don't care for him as much as you do but because I felt I couldn't give him the attention he needed, but in the end I couldn't do it. He kept looking at me with those eyes, like he knew what I was thinking so I advertised for a dog sitte__r__ instead and I struck gold. She's a medical student called Martha and she only lives a few doors away in a ground floor flat. She takes him for walks du__ring the day and even__ kept him overnight when I was visiting the hospital. I have told her all about you and she's dying to meet you. You will really like her I'm sure. I think you two could be good __fr__iends.  
_

_I was thinking about that day when we went for a picnic in the Beacons. I think it was our second date. We took Cherry and you kept throwing a stick for her but she always was a lazy so and so. She'd just look at the stick, then look at you as if she was saying, "you threw it, you go and fetch it." I laughed so much, I almost sno__rted__ coffee out my nose. Those were happy days, yet always tinged with sadness when I think how I nearly lost you because of my own stupidity. If I hadn't lied to you about how old I was, if I'd just told you about Melissa and Stephen, I can't help wondering how different things might have been. When I first met you, I thought I could have a bit of fun for a few weeks with a hot, young boyfriend. I thought as soon as you lea__rned the t__ruth, that I was an almost 40 yea__r old and soon to be g__randdad, you wouldn't want me anymo__re__. In the end,__ I couldn't let you go and know I hurt you badly. But that's all in the past and I said we weren't going to dwell on that.  
_

_I can't wait to see you again._

_All my love_

_Jack._

_TWTWTWTW_

_Oh God, Jack, _

_I remember. __I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry_. _How can you say you still _w_ant me after what I did. _

_I don't know what else to say. What can I do to put things right. There isn't anything is there? Why are you staying with me. Is it because I'm sick. Do you feel some kind of misguided responsibility towards me, because if that's what it is, I'm setting you free Jack. I'm not your problem anymore._

_Thanks for everything._

_Ianto_

_TWTWTWTW_

_Ianto_

_No, no, no, no, no. You do not get to say goodbye, not now, not like this. _

_Don't you understand. I don't care, I don't care about any of it. I love you. I just want us to be together. _

_I wish I could be there with you and hold you so you could look into my eyes and see that I'm telling the truth. _

_Please Ianto, don't do this. Let me in, let me help you._

_I love you_

_Jack_

_TWTWTWTW_

_Dear Jack_

_I'm sorry. I can't get my head around this. I keep going over and over everything and I go round and round in circles trying to work out what would be for the best. I want to be with you but I don't deserve you and I'm not good enough for you. Maybe we are not right for each other. We've hurt each other too many times and it's okay you saying we shouldn't dwell on the past but what if we are destined to make the same mistakes over and over again. _

_Maybe it would have made a difference if you had been here, if I could hold you and look into your eyes, but then you would have convinced me to go it your way, because that's what you always do. _

_I'm not saying goodbye, just give me some space for a couple of weeks to sort things out. I'll be in touch and if you still want me, maybe we could go out some time.  
_

_Please don't write back. _

_Ianto_


	9. I Would Give you the World

Andy glanced at the clock on the office wall and stretched out a kink in his back. He closed down his work station and began to prepare himself for the end of the day.

"Fancy a quick one, Jack?" he asked.

The American shrugged.

"Whatever," he sighed, unhappily.

"Don't sound too enthusiastic will you?"

"Sorry," Jack looked up from what he was doing and smiled wearily, "it's just, ya know...?"

"Yeah, I know," Andy replied sympathetically.

"Shall I ring Tosh and see if she wants to join us?"

Jack phoned the Japanese woman and a few minutes later she appeared in the doorway. She walked straight up to Jack and hugged him. He smiled and kissed the top of her head. Andy felt like an intruder and had to look away.

"I'll meet you downstairs," he said, heading out the door.

Tosh waited until the Welshman had left.

"How are you doing, Jack?" she asked.

"You mean for a man who's just been dumped?" he replied.

"You haven't been dumped," she said, "At least that's not how Ianto sees it. He's just got some things to work out."

"I know, but what do you think is going to happen when his sister is on his case all the time, putting it in his head that I'm no good for him. I should ring her up and congratulate her. Well done, Rhiannon, you've certainly won this round."

She sighed,

I don't think I've ever seen you this bitter," she said, "it's just not you."

He smiled at her, gloomily.

"I'm just so sick of...the whole thing. Sometimes I wish I'd never met that damn Welshman."

"Yes, but not all of the time?"

"No, not all of the time," he agreed, grinning.

"Don't give up on him," she said, "You might have lost the battle but you haven't lost the war yet. Now come on, stop feeling sorry for yourself, Andy will be wondering where we've got to."

TWTWTWTW

Marc stepped out from behind the nurses' station just in time to catch Ianto's sister on her way to find her brother

"Rhiannon," he said, "can I have a word?"

"Yes, what can I do for you?"

The nurse winced at her tone. He wasn't sure what it was but something about Rhiannon always made him feel like the hired help. It wasn't as if he didn't know where she'd come from. She had no business looking down her nose at him.

"Look, Mrs Davis," he said, "I don't know about Jack, you may be right about him but I've seen my fair share of abusive relationships in this job and you get to have a nose about these things. It's just possible you may have made a huge mistake and if you have, you better hope Ianto can forgive you for it. Either way, you're going to have to tell him what you did, and the longer you leave it the harder he is going to take it."

She looked as if she was going to say something but in the end she just nodded and went on her way.

When she caught up with Ianto, she found him playing chess with one of the other patients, an older guy who he'd become friendly with in the last few weeks. She strolled over and sat down in a chair by the table where they had set up. He glanced at her briefly but went straight back to the game without acknowledging her. She wasn't offended, knowing her brother took his chess very seriously, so she just sat back to wait. After what seemed like hours he finally made his move then grinned triumphantly. Never having learned the intricacies of the game, Rhiannon couldn't see what had happened, but she assumed his delight meant the other man had no chance of winning now. Sure enough, after only two more moves Ianto declared "checkmate" and the older man sighed and pushed back his chair.

"I will beat you one of these days," he chuckled.

"Yeah?" Ianto grinned, "You keep telling yourself that, old man."

He turned to his sister.

"You want to go for a walk or something?"

"Actually, can we just go to your room? There's something we need to talk about."

TWTWTWTW

Ianto stared at his sister, wide eyed and opened mouthed.

"YOU DID WHAT!" he yelled, "Fucking hell," he raked his fingers through his hair, "No wonder he hasn't been to see me. Shit, poor Jack and...oh god, he's never going to want to see me again now. And I told him..." he stopped short, taking a sharp intake of breath.

She narrowed her eyes at him.

"You told him what?"

"Nothing. Forget it."

"When did you tell him? Ianto, have you been in touch with Jack?"

"Bloody hell, Rhiannon, you can't help yourself can you? Will you just stay out of it?"

"Ianto," she pleaded, "listen to me, I just wanted to protect you. He was.."

"He was what?" he interrupted.

She looked away, staying silent.

"Come on," he continued, "seeing as how you know so much, what was he doing?"

"He was taking advantage of you. You didn't know what you were doing and he was all over you. All pushy and telling you how it was going to be."

His eyes flashed dangerously.

"Oh yes, rhiannon, 'cause god forbid anyone should take over your role."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"What do you think it means. You're the one who's always pushing me, telling me how it's going to be. Just like Dad when he was still alive. Don't do that Ianto, do this, why don't you find yourself a nice girl, Ianto?"

"That's not fair; I didn't know you were gay then."

"No but you never bothered to ask did you? It didn't occur to you to question why I'd never had a proper girlfriend at 23. You just pushed and pushed, on and on at me all the fucking time, until I couldn't stand it anymore. Even now you're not satisfied are you? You have to put your oar in, destroying any hope of me ever having a normal relationship. What is it with you and Jack?"

"He's too old for you for one thing."

"Yeah, and what was wrong with Jay, was he too fucking Australian. It doesn't matter who I pick you'll find fault, because what you really can't stand is me having someone else who isn't you."

"That's not true, I just want you to be happy," she whimpered.

"Happy?" he growled, "How the hell am I going to be happy now? Have you any idea what you've done, you stupid, fucking cow."

She gasped.

"Ianto, please..."

"Just get out, Rhi. Get out of my fucking life..."

He turned her back on her and stood by the window with his arms crossed tightly across his chest.

"Ianto..." she tried again.

He turned around and yelled at her,

"FUCK OFF!"

She ran out of the room sobbing. Ianto watched her go, feeling nothing but blind fury.

He waited five minutes letting his breathing return to normal. He left his room and walked over to the nurses' station. Seeing that it was empty he took a marker pen from the pencil pot on the desk and grabbed a sheet of paper from the printer. Using the marker pen he scrawled a message on the paper then took some surgical tape, tore off a strip with his teeth, and walked back over to the room, sticking the note on his door and slamming it shut behind him.

A short while later there was a tap on the door and it slowly opened.

"CAN'T YOU FUCKING READ?" Ianto yelled.

"Yes I can read," Marc admonished him, "and while I can appreciate the sentiment, I think a little more decorum is called for. There are a couple of very genteel old ladies further down the ward. You're lucky I took the notice down before either of them saw it. Matron would have had a field day."

He held up a medicine pot and raised one eye-brow questioningly,

"Am I going to have to start preparing the injections again?"

Ianto shook his head and held out his palm for the pill, which he swallowed obediently with a small amount of water.

"Show me?" Marc said.

Ianto rolled his eyes but stuck out his tongue, flipping it up a second later to show the underneath. He took another mouth full of water, just to prove he had swallowed.

"Now," Marc said," holding up the note, "what's this all about?"

Ianto sighed.

"Have you got any sisters?" he asked

"Four," the nurse chuckled.

Ianto winced.

"I've also got a wife and two daughters," Marc continued, "believe me there's nothing I don't know about how infuriatingly irrational they can be."

Ianto laughed humourlessly.

"I knew there was a reason I was gay."

"I take it she told you then?"

"You knew?"

"I'm sorry, my hands were tied. I mean, your Jack seems cool but it's not my call to make."

"She's a fucking spiteful cow and I hope I never see her again."

"Now you don't mean that, and anyway it might not be that simple."

"What do you mean?"

"How much do you remember about what happened, before you came here?" Marc asked.

"I remember being arrested."

"Do you remember what you were arrested for?"

Ianto looked away guiltily.

"I was..." he sighed and rubbed his hands over his face, "I was high...on coke. I'd only taken it a couple of times, it just...helped."

"You weren't just high. You were carrying." Marc told him.

"Shit, are they going to prosecute?"

"That's the thing, they already did. You were declared unfit to plead and given a two year supervision order. That means social workers and probation officers and a CPN. You probably don't remember but your social worker came to see you weeks ago. His name is Rory and he's not going to let you leave here until he knows you are going somewhere safe. He's met with your sister a few times and was happy for her to care for you but once he finds out you've fallen out with her, well he's going to want to start again. Wherever you decide to stay he'll want to check it out and talk to whoever you are going to be staying with."

"Fuck," Ianto swore, "that is so humiliating."

Marc put a hand on his shoulder.

"I know how private you are."

Ianto sighed again.

"I've got no fucking choice have I?"

"Not really," Marc dug in his pocket and pulled out a pda, "I've been meaning to give you this back anyway. Why don't you give her a call, and if you happen to call your fella while my back is turned...well, I'm not going to make a fuss."

Ianto took the phone.

"Thanks, Marc."

TWTWTWTW

"Cheer up, Jack," Andy sighed, "You're scaring off all the totty."

"Totty?" Tosh laughed, "have I stepped back into the 1950's?"

"It's all right for you two," Andy glared at her, "with your serious relationships," he made an air quotes gesture in front of his face, "and don't look like that Jack, you know as well as I do you and Ianto will get back together soon. No, it's my love life that's shitty."

Before Jack could reply he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He fished it out and looked at it, grinning happily when he saw who was calling.

"Told you," Andy mouthed.

Jack glared at him and stuck out his tongue before answering the phone.

"Ianto?"

There was a short pause before the other man responded.

"Hey, Jack."

"Ianto, it's so good to hear your voice."

"Where are you Jack, it's so noisy, I can barely hear you."

"I'm in the pub with Tosh and Andy. Wait a minute, I'll go outside," he flashed his two friends an apologetic look and made his way out the door, "is that better?" he continued as he stepped into the cool night air.

"Much. Thank you."

There was an awkward silence as both men struggled to fill it.

"Look, Jack. I know what Rhiannon did. I just wanted to apologise."

Jack's heart dropped a little.

"Is that the only reason you're calling?" he asked.

"N No. I mean, not unless you want it to be."

Jack let out a relieved breath and smiled.

"Oh god, Ianto I miss you. I miss so much sometimes I just think I'm gonna...die." Jack did a passable impression of Vivian Leigh in Gone with the Wind,

Ianto chuckled.

"Jack you're an idiot."

"I'm sorry I can't help it, I'm love drunk."

"No, you're just drunk." Ianto laughed.

The older man did a mock gasp.

"Ianto Jones I'll have you know I've only had one pint."

"Ah yes, but one pint of what?"

"Beer."

"What have I told you about calling it beer? We Brits like to be more specific about our alcoholic beverages."

"Fine. It was larger."

"Larger?" Ianto said distastefully, "My Dad used to say, 'Ianto, larger is a drink for women and puffs.'"

"Very wise man, your Dad."

"No he wasn't. He was a fucking penis."

"ooooh, I love it when you talk dirty."

"Jack we are not having phone sex."

"Spoilsport," Jack pouted.

They both laughed until Jack turned serious.

"How are you, Ianto. Really."

"I'm good. I should be getting out of here soon."

The American swallowed, nervously.

"You wanna come and live back with me?" he asked.

Ianto thought he would like that very much.

"I can't," he said out loud.

"Oh, okay."

"It's not because I don't want to, it's complicated."

"It's okay, really. I understand."

"No you don't."

"No, I don't but I'm trying."

"Yes you are," Ianto sighed, "very trying."

Jack laughed.

"Jack," Ianto said, hesitantly, "would you...would you like to go out sometime, with me I mean."

"I would love to go out with you."

The younger man grinned.

"Brilliant. I'll call you, yeah?"

"Yeah, oh and Ianto?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

There was another short pause before Ianto replied breathlessly,

"I love you too."

"I love you more."

"Jack, I'm gonna go now."

"Okay, bye."

"Bye"

"..."

"..."

"You're still there aren't you?" Ianto chuckled.

"So are you." Jack replied, defensively.

...

"No, you put the phone down."

"Okay, but I'm definitely doing it this time."

"You said that last time."

"Yes, but I mean it this time."

"Bye then."

"Okay then. Love you."

"Love you too, see ya soon."

"See you."

"..."

"I thought you said you were going."

"No, I'm pretty sure we said you were going."

"..."

"right, this time. We're agreed. I'm going first, yes?"

"Yes. Agreed."

"right, okay, bye then."

"Bye. I love you.

"I love you too, call me."

"I will, I'll call you soon."

"..."

"Oh, fuck."

"So, phone sex?"


	10. So Smile for a While

Ianto lay on his bed, staring unseeingly at the ceiling. He wasn't in the hospital anymore, but back in his childhood home, the home that Rhiannon now shared with her husband Johnny. If he squinted hard enough at the wall, he could still see the greasy marks left by the blutac he'd used to hang his posters. He chuckled when he remembered how his da had approved of the pictures of rugby players most of all, believing they signified Ianto's coming of age as a hard drinking, rugby loving Welshman. He never did learn that what his son was actually doing was wiling away many an hour wanking furiously over them. Ianto had been mortified when he joined the club and was introduced to one of his most persistent teenage fantasy. Luckily the man in question had retired at the end of Ianto's first season but until then, the young full back was often to be found spluttering and mumbling to himself whenever they'd been in the same room. It was no wonder most of his teammates thought he was slightly mad. _Well, __that and the fact he was slightly mad_, Ianto thought wryly to himself.

As he lay on his bed, reminiscing, he decided he had mixed feelings about being out of hospital. Of course he'd known he couldn't stay there forever, but it had been kind of nice not to have to face up to things. Eventually though, the time had come when he couldn't stay any longer. Real life was worming it's way back into his head, slowly but surely. The club chairman had been to see him and assured him of his place in the team as soon as he was well enough. It was the Chairman who had been the one to let slip about his missing car, and it hadn't taken Ianto long to work out that pretty much everything he owned had been in that car. But then Rhiannon had informed him that his bank account was still intact so all he'd lost was things, and things were easily replaced. He'd already been on a shopping trip with his social worker and bought clothes and other essential items. Ianto had had many social workers in the past, good and bad and on occasion downright evil, but it turned out Rory was one of the good guys. As well as helping him shop, he'd gotten that ridiculous injunction on Jack lifted which was why the young Welshman was now lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling and waiting nervously for his boyfriend to pick him up.

When the door bell rang he counted to three in an attempt to calm his nerves and stop himself from flying down the stairs and throwing himself at Jack. _Play it cool, _he thought. He let out a slow breath then rose to his feet and walked down the stairs. He opened the door and his resolve flew out the window when he saw Jack standing on the doorstep, hands deep in his pockets and a sheepish grin on his face. Ianto wasn't sure who moved first but somehow he found himself in Jack's arms, breathing in the scent of the older man's aftershave and holding on to him so tightly, as if he was afraid he'd disappear if he him let go.

"Hey," Jack said, kissing the top of his head, "you've cut your hair."

"Oh, yeah," Ianto replied, pulling away and doing a twirl, "what do you think?"

Jack ran his fingers over the short, stubbly hair that barely covered Ianto's scalp.

"It's..different," he said.

"I can grow it again." Ianto tried to sound casual but came across a little too eager to please.

"No don't," Jack said, "you like it and I'll get used to it."

"I don't exactly like it," Ianto shrugged, "it's more like I had an an argument with a pair of hair clippers."

Jack gave him a worried look but Ianto simply shrugged again.

"I guess I'll always be a bit impulsive now." he said.

Jack smiled a sad smile at him then kissed him briefly on the lips before asking if he was ready to go.

The Welshman grabbed a jacket from the hook in the hall and left the house, locking the door behind them.

"I hope you don't mind but I've brought someone with me." Jack told him.

"Oh, erm, okay," Ianto stammered. He thought back, trying to remember the last conversation he'd had with Jack. Was it him or the other man who had first mentioned the word date? He'd been certain it was Jack but had he misread the situation? You don't normally invite a third party along on a date. He kicked himself mentally for getting so excited about something which Jack saw as a casual enough occasion to invite a friend along.

When he reached his car, Jack opened the back door and Ianto beamed when he saw who the American had brought with him.

"Charlie," he yelled happily.

He gave Jack a huge smile as the dog bounded out the car and jumped up at his young master. Ianto bent down and tickled him behind the ear, bring their faces close enough for the dog to lick him.

"I've missed you too, boy," he chuckled.

"I hope you don't mind," Jack said, "I thought maybe we could do something casual, like go for a walk in the park and get a coffee or something to eat."

Ianto smiled, affectionately.

"That sounds perfect."

TWTWTWTW

Jack laughed as Charlie bounded across the park in pursuit of his favourite doggy toy. The dog wagged its tail excitedly as he hurried back carrying the toy in its mouth and dropping it at Ianto's feet. He started running around in little circles, looking up at his master expectantly.

"Alright," Ianto tutted sternly, "but this is definitely the last time."

He threw the toy again and Jack took hold of his hand, entwining their fingers together. He bought their joined hands to his lips and the young Welshman looked around nervously.

"No one can see us," Jack rolled his eyes.

"Sorry," Ianto said, shooting his lover an apologetic look. Jack got the feeling it wasn't his gender that was the issue but Ianto's built in aversion to any form of Public Displays of Affection. He didn't let go of the hand but let it swing loosely between them.

"How about a spot of late lunch," he said, "we could find one of those pavement cafes where we could take Charlie."

"Nah, I've got a better idea," Ianto said, "come on, I fancy a hot dog. There's a stand on the other side of the park."

TWTWTWTW

"You," Jack said, waving a chip in front of the Welshman's face, "are what's know as a cheap date."

Ianto leaned over the table and ate the chip right out of Jack's hand. He grinned as the American looked bemusedly at his now empty hand.

"If you wanted fries..." he pouted.

He was interrupted by a loud, girlish giggling from behind him. He turned around and saw there was a group of 5 or 6 teenage girls occupying the picnic table next to theirs.

"I'm sorry, can we help you?" he snarked.

A girl aged about 16 and wearing a pink hooded top, ignored him and spoke to Ianto.

"You're Ianto Jones," she giggled.

Jack rolled his eyes and Ianto blushed. You'd think by now he was used to getting recognised but he still found it embarrasing and teenage girls were worst of all. For some reason, more so since he came out. He nodded and without waiting for an invitation the girls stood up and joined them around the table. One of the girls fished out a pen and pad from her bag. Ianto asked her name and signed the paper "with love from, Ianto Jones" which set off another round of giggling.

"I hope you're feeling better," someone said.

Ianto looked startled.

"It says on the blues website you've been ill," the girl explained, "that's why you haven't been playing."

"Oh, yeah," Ianto relaxed, "much better, thank you."

"Is he you're boyfriend?" the girl in the pink hooded top asked shyly. The other girls giggled again.

"'Course he is, Cerys," one of her friends answered, "anyone can see they're in love."

Ianto blushed scarlet and Jack grinned at him. He stretched over the table and gave the younger man a kiss making the girls squeal.

"Sorry ladies," he said, standing up and taking Charlie's lead in one hand and pulling Ianto up with the other, "I think we're gonna take this somewhere more private."

As the teenagers wolf whistled and cat called after the two men, Jack lead Ianto away by the hand. They'd gone a few yards down the path before the American felt the younger man pull back. He stopped and turned around.

"What is it?"

"I just, that is, I don't think, it's not that I don't want to..."

"Shh," Jack rubbed his thumb over the back of Ianto's hand,"I didn't mean it, I only said that for their benefit. Come on, I'm gonna take you home."

TWTWTWTW

Ianto was still smiling when he walked through the door of his sister's house, his lips still tingling from the kisses that he and Jack had shared in the car before saying their goodbyes and promising to see each other again soon.

"There you are," Rhiannon scolded him.

Ianto just smiled, refusing to be drawn into conflict with her. He stepped into the living room and stopped short when he saw a red-headed man sitting on his sister's sofa and leering at him.

"There's someone here to see you," she said, "I ran in to him in the supermarket and he was asking after you. I told him he should pop round and see you and here is. You remember Adam don't you?"

Ianto kept his face impassively blank as his sister prattled on.

"'course he does, we we're inseparable once," the man rose from the chair and walked over to them. He placed a hand on the Welshman's shoulder and smiled, "remember Ianto."

Ianto didn't reply.

"Well, I'll go put the kettle on," Rhiannon smiled , "leave you to get reacquainted."

When she'd gone Ianto glared at the visitor

"What are you doing here?" he asked coldly.

"Now then, Ianto," the other man grinned maliciously, "is that anyway to treat your oldest friend."

"We we're never friends," Ianto spat.

"No we were much more than that, weren't we? Like I said, we we're inseparable once. Until you buggered off to university, that is, thinking you we're better than the rest of us. Now, imagine my surprise when I found out you we're living around here again. The great Ianto Jones, big local hero, only not so big now are you, living with your sister and her chavy husband. Not too good for the likes of me anymore are ya, Yanni. The way I hear it, you haven't been at all well lately, and you've been on the good stuff again, haven't you, you naughty boy," he waved a finger at Ianto, his grin growing when the Welshman's gaze flicked upwards. "Oh but they don't know about before do they," Adam chuckled, "your sister and your mates on the team. What about that fancy American sugar daddy of yours, does he know."

"He's not a sugar daddy, I earn more than he does," Ianto cursed himself for sounding like a petulant child.

Adam grinned.

"I don't like your hair by the way," He made a move with his hand towards Ianto's head, the action mimicking pushing back the hair that was no longer there. Ianto flinched and whimpered a little, pulling his head back before Adam cufffed his ear and tugged hard, his face darkening, "nothing to hold on to while I'm fucking your face." he sneered.

Ianto bowed his head, tucking his chin into his chest and raising his shoulders up, unconsciously making himself as small as possible.

"I'm not 17 any more," he murmured.

"No you're not," Adam agreed, hooking a finger under Ianto's chin so he could lift his face up and look into his eyes, "you were crap at giving blow jobs back then, wonder if you've improved any? Oh by the way, you'll come to me next time you want a fix."

"There won't be a next time."

Adam chuckled,

"Of course there won't. There never is," he laughed as if he'd said something incredibly funny and at that moment, Rhiannon pushed open the door carrying two mugs in one hand.

"Having fun, I see."

"Just remembering old times aren't we, Ianto." Adam replied.

Ianto said nothing.

"Thanks for the coffee, Rhi," the visitor smiled at her, standing up, "but I'm afraid I've got to go." He looked at the other man, who purposefully kept his gaze averted, "Oh but don't worry, Ianto. Now we've found each other, we're not going to lose touch again, are we? I'll see myself out. Good to see you again, Rhi."

As soon as he heard the door bang shut, Ianto felt like someone had cut his strings. He collapsed in on himself bringing his knees up and cradling his head in his arms. After a moment or two, he looked up to see that his sister was staring at him with a worried frown on her face.

"You have no idea what you have done do you?" he asked her.

Without waiting for a reply or saying another word, he stood up and left the room.


	11. I could promise you things

Jack stared at his phone in disbelief. He shook his head to himself, _this cannot be happening_, he thought, _not again so soon after the last time_. He checked his watch; they'd parted company not more than two hours ago in such high spirits. Ianto had seemed happy and Jack had been certain he'd have his beautiful Welshman back where he belonged before too long. What could possibly have gone wrong in less than two hours?

TWTWTWTW

_5 minutes befo_re:

Jack whistled happily as he stood in the kitchen, chopping up onions to put into the tomato sauce he intended serving with pasta for his evening meal. When his phone rang, he picked it up and answered with a chuckle.

"Hey, Ianto," he laughed, "what's up, missing me already?"

"'m sorry, Jack." Ianto's voice sounded ragged, like he'd been crying.

Jack felt sick.

"What is it, Ianto. What's up?"

"I didn't know, Jack. I swear to you, I didn't know. After 8 years, I thought it couldn't hurt me anymore but I was wrong, and now I've dragged Rhiannon into it, and you, and I didn't mean to and I'm sorry."

Ianto's speech came out in a rush of welsh vowels and half choked sobs.

"Ianto, please, slow down, you're not making any sense."

"I can't go through this again, and I have to protect Rhiannon. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

"IANTO! What the hell are you talking about, Ianto, answer me, Ianto!"

It took a second or two for Jack to realise he was yelling down an empty phone line. He stared at his phone in consternation wondering what might have happened to upset Ianto so badly. He pressed the call redial button, cursing out loud when he got the voicemail message. He scrolled through the numbers on his phone, checking for Rhiannon's and growling to himself when he realised he didn't have it. Fuck, he thought, why the hell didn't he have her number, what if there had been an emergency? He refused to let his mind acknowledge that this could be one, as he flew into the hallway to check in the little address book they kept on the hall table. He cursed again when he saw that Rhiannon's number wasn't there either. In fact none of the numbers in the book were in Ianto's handwriting. Jack should have known, the Welshman had an eidetic memory and had never written down an address or a telephone number in all the time Jack had known him. He looked around, seeking inspiration on what to do next and, spotting his car keys on the table he grabbed them, slipped his shoes on and ran out the door.

TWTWTWTWT

When he reached Rhiannon's house, he rang the door bell, not waiting for a reply before banging hard on the door.

By the time she answered it, he was frantic.

"Let me in, I want to see, Ianto," he yelled.

"You can't." She stood in the doorway and squared her jaw at him, "he's in bed."

"Look," Jack tried to stay calm, "he rang me, I just need to make sure he's okay."

Her gaze flicked up the stairs and Jack took advantage of the momentary distraction to push past her and in to the house.

"Hey, you can't..." she started.

Jack ignored her and pushed on, taking the stairs two at a time. Realising he didn't know which was Ianto's room he started yelling loudly, knocking on all the doors until the man appeared. He was bare-chested and wearing pyjama bottoms, his face pale and tearstained. Jack didn't pause but rushed forward, wrapping his arms around him, kissing his face and murmuring soothing words while his body shook with noiseless sobs.

On the bottom step, Rhiannon watched the scene play out for a moment before moving to follow Jack up the stairs. She was held back by a hand on her arm.

"Let them be," Johnny told her.

She glared at him, shook her arm free and turned away to climb the stairs. Before she'd got more than two steps however, Johnny yelled angrily.

"I SAID LEAVE IT!"

Rhiannon startled and turned towards him, her eyes wide with shock. Johnny almost never yelled, and to her memory he'd never yelled at her. She looked back up the stairs and sighed in defeat as she watched Jack slowly back Ianto into the room and shut the door behind them. She flopped down on the stair and held her head in her hands. She felt Johnny touch her shoulder and when he spoke again, his tone had softened somewhat.

"It's time to let go," he said.

TWTWTWTW

Jack continued to whisper soothing words into Ianto's ear as he backed him towards the bed. He kicked off his shoes and lay down on it, pulling the younger man down with him. He turned half on his side and half on his front, cradling Ianto's head in the crook of his elbow. He placed his free hand on the younger man's cheek, gently rubbing his thumb over the still visible tear tracts. He bent his head forward and kissed him, first on the lips, and then on the forehead, then pulled back to stare deep into his eyes.

"Now what's this all about?" he murmured, softly.

Ianto looked up at him, his gaze flickering between each of the older man's eyes. His bottom lip quivered.

"Everyone hates me here," He sounded so much younger than his 26 years.

"What, Johnny and Rhiannon? You think they hate you."

"No," Ianto explained, "Not Johnny and Rhi, I mean here, on this estate. They hate me, they always have. I never fitted in, and when I left they said it was because I thought I was better than them."

"You are better than them."

"No, no I'm not. You don't know."

"What don't I know?"

Ianto sighed, "It doesn't matter. There's nothing I can do, I'll never get out of here now anyway."

Jack lay on his back and pulled Ianto in to his side, tucking the younger man's head under his chin.

"What can I do?" he asked.

"There's nothing, there's nothing anyone can do."

"Please tell me what's wrong."

Ianto stayed quiet for a long time and Jack began to wonder if he'd fallen asleep.

"I had a visitor today," he said at last, "He was waiting for me after you dropped me off. I think Rhiannon invited him, but I can't blame her, she didn't know. I never told her, I never told anyone."

"What didn't you tell her?"

"His name is Adam Smith," Ianto went on, ignoring the question, "I suppose you could say he was my first boyfriend. I was fifteen, he was two years older and whatever it was we had, it was seriously twisted. It lasted almost three years until I went away to University. Before you he was my longest relationship."

"And yet you've never mentioned him before." Jack frowned.

"No, I guess I thought if I didn't acknowledge it, if I could just forget him, it would be like he'd never existed."

"Things where that bad between you?"

Ianto swallowed down a sob.

"I was bullied when I was younger," he said, "I suppose you know that all ready, but I never told you how bad it was. At school, everyday, the other kids would find new ways to torture me, and then when I came home the estate kids would beat me up and nick my trainers, or tie me to a tree with my pants around my ankles."

Jack rubbed Ianto's back, his hands going up and down from the small of his back to the spot between his shoulder blades.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"When Adam came on the scene though, everything changed." The Welshman went on, "He's the local hard case but everyone loves him around here. He was and I think still is, dealing. He was also running a protection racket and pimping a little on the side, but he's always looked after his own. If some old dear on the estate was having a problem with the local kids or a loan shark, he'd step in and sort it out. Sometimes I wonder if it was my da, if he asked him to stop the other kids from bullying me, but whatever it was, he suddenly started taking an interest in me sometime after my 15th birthday."

"You said...pimping?" Jack swallowed, "Ianto, did he ever..."

"No, he didn't. Not me. I was his, see; no one else was allowed to touch me. Of course, outside of our little gang, no one knew that we were actually fucking but when he took me under his wing, all the bullying stopped overnight. Nobody messed with you if you were part of Adam's gang and at first it was good. I felt like I belonged for the first time ever and he had a way of making you feel special," Ianto took in a breath and let it out in a sigh, "but after a few months" he said, "when it became clear what he wanted me for, it was too late, I was hooked."

"And what was it," Jack asked him, gently. "What did he want you for?"

"A punch bag, a whipping boy," Ianto showed no emotion, "He used to say I was his stress toy. That he needed someone to take everything out on. He said it gave him a high, making me feel the bad stuff, and the funny thing was; at first I loved it too. I loved that I could do that for him."

Jack stiffened. His emotions spiked and without realising it, he found he was taking short, sharp breaths and snorting them out through his nose.

Ianto whimpered a little.

"You're angry..." he sobbed.

"No!" Jack sat up, letting Ianto's head fall back on the pillow, "I mean yes, yes I'm angry but not at you." He took one of Ianto's hands in his own and sat cross legged, their joined hands resting in his lap. He softened his gaze and cupped Ianto's face with his free hand, "not at you, never at you. I love you."

"I love you too but you don't understand."

"What don't I understand?"

"That he's back, and he's looking at me that way again. Like he wants me. Like he'll do whatever it takes to have me. He'll threaten Rhiannon, and push me and there's something about him that makes you believe whatever he wants you to believe."

"But you're not a boy anymore."

"That's what I said. He said he knew that. He said I was crap at blow jobs back then and he wanted to know if I'd improved. He made it sound like he was going to be finding out soon."

For a second Jack's face clouded over but he forced down the bile that he could taste in the back of his throat. Now was not the time for anger, now was the time for making sure Ianto was safe. That was his priority. Later, there would be time enough for retribution...and then Jack was going to fucking kill Adam Smith.

"I promise you, Ianto," he said, "No one and I mean no one, is going to hurt you. You didn't have me back then."

Ianto searched Jack's face for any sign that the older man was bluffing. He shook his head.

"You don't know..."

"Yes I do," Jack interrupted him, "Now listen very carefully, If I'm going to help you, I need to know something. When you came out of hospital, why didn't you want to come home to me?"

Ianto looked away but when he looked back, Jack's gaze hadn't wavered.

"I've got a supervision order," he admitted with a sigh.

"I know."

"You do?" Ianto replied, sounding surprised.

"Yeah. It was in the local paper."

"Oh, why didn't you say something?"

"I dunno, I thought you didn't want to talk about it."

"Oh."

"Is that it, is that the only reason you didn't come home."

"Sort of. You see, a supervision order means a social worker has to know where you're living. They have to do reports and assessments on the people you are living with."

"And you thought I wouldn't want that."

"No that's not it, not exactly. I was just too embarrassed to ask."

Jack stroked Ianto's head and keeping his voice steady he spoke quietly and carefully.

"But what if I told you I don't care about any of that. What if I told you I don't care how many interfering busybodies poked their noses in our business or asked pointless questions about the '_nature of our relationship_,' as long as it means we can be together at the end of it."

Ianto gulped. He licked his lips.

"Then I'd like to come home," he said

"Good, then why don't you get dressed and pack your bags while I talk to Rhiannon."

Ianto nodded and stood up, pulling a suitcase from under the bed.

Jack watched for a moment as the younger man took a shirt out of the wardrobe and carefully folded it before dropping it in the case. The American chuckled a little, no matter how upset Ianto was, nothing would allow him to ruin a shirt by throwing it into the case haphazardly.

"One more thing, Ianto," he said, "No more secrets, yeah? From now on, we tell each other everything."

Ianto stopped what he was doing, he studied Jack carefully before replying.

"Yeah," he lied, "no more secrets."

Jack left the room and went downstairs, finding Rhiannon and Johnny talking quietly in the lounge, their heads bent together. When she spotted Jack, she stood up and glared at him, her face defiant.

"I'm leaving," Jack barked, before she could say anything, "and I'm taking him with me."

"You can't," she answered, "his social worker..."

"...will be more than happy I've got him out of here when they find out you invited an abusive ex boyfriend back in to his life."

"An abusive ex," she scoffed, "what are you talking about?" Her hand flew to her mouth as she contemplated the implications of what Jack was saying, remembering her brother's strange reaction to Adam's sudden appearance, "Oh," she sat down heavily on the couch. Johnny put his arm around her shoulders.

"Now, here's what's going to happen," Jack said sternly, "When Ianto comes down in a moment, you are going to tell him you are sorry, that you never meant for him to get hurt and you know now that the best place for him is with me, do I make myself clear?"

She fiddled with her hands in her lap, not responding.

"Answer ME Rhiannon!"

"That's enough, Jack." Johnny answered for her, "she knows she's done wrong and she'll do what you say."

"Good. And Rhiannon," Jack said, "when this is all over, me and you are going to have a little talk."

TWTWTWTW

Jack put Ianto's case down on the doorstep and keeping his arm firmly around the younger man's waist, he struggled to get out his keys and open the door. He grinned and moved his hand to the small of Ianto's back, guiding him over the threshold.

"You know," he said, turning the young Welshman around to face him, he licked his lips suggestively, "there's something I've really missed us doing together while you've been away."

"Jack, I..." Ianto spoke hesitantly.

Jack cut him off with a kiss. He pulled away and placed a finger against the younger man's lips.

"Shhh," he said, "You go get the duvet and pick out a film. I'll get the popcorn."


	12. Like Big Diamond Rings

Jack placed a bowl of popcorn on the coffee table and sat down on the sofa, moulding his body around Ianto's and pulling the duvet around both of them. He picked up the remote control unit and pressed play, settling down to watch the movie and groaning a moment later when he saw what the younger man had picked out.

"Seriously, Ianto" he grimaced. "Tinkerbell?"

"What can I say," the Welshman chuckled, "I'm a cliché."

"Well next time, I choose the movie."

"Fine, as long it's not another boring war movie."

"Casablanca is not a boring war movie. It's a classic love story."

Ianto flashed him a mischievous grin.

"You only like it 'cause it reminds you of when you were young, old man."

"You cheeky pup," Jack laughed, pretending to looked shocked.

He pounced on Ianto, tickling the younger man and causing him to squirm and yell out.

"Ahh, stop. Stop it."

"Not until you admit I'm not that old, you little whippersnapper."

Jack would have won the fight for certain, if it hadn't been for Charlie who decided to join in the fun. Taking Ianto's side, the dog jumped on the American's back and growled playfully, baring his teeth.

"Ow," Jack yelped, "get off me you stupid dog."

"Get him, Charlie," Ianto giggled, "Good boy, sic him."

"Okay, okay. I give in," Jack sat up and the dog slid off his back.

"Now," he leered, "what am I going to do with you, you naughty, Welshman?"

Ianto swallowed nervously.

"Um, let's just watch the film shall we," he said.

Jack sighed and flopped back down on the sofa. He put his arm around Ianto's shoulders and popped a handful of popcorn in his mouth. The movie was less than half way through when he realised Ianto had fallen asleep.

"Come on, Tinkerbell," he said, giving him a shake, "Time for bed."

"Huh," Ianto shifted, stretching his body and rubbing at his eyes. He hummed sleepily and smiled, his eyes seeking out Jack's. The two men gazed at each other for a moment until the younger frowned suddenly.

"Whaddid you call me?" he asked.

"Tinkerbell," Jack grinned, "It's my new pet name for you."

"I think I preferred Tiger Pants."

"Tough luck, Tink. Come on, up you get."

When they got upstairs the Welshman collapsed on to the bed, fully clothed, and curled up into a ball. Jack rolled his eyes and opened the suitcase they'd brought from Rhiannon's, fishing out a pair of pyjama bottoms which he threw at the huddled figure on the bed.

"There you go," he said.

He walked into the bathroom and washed up, cleaning his teeth and stripping down to his boxers. When he came back into the bedroom he saw that Ianto was undressed and had pulled the duvet over himself. He climbed in behind him, spooning his back.

"Hmmm," he signed contentedly, "love you, Tinkerbell."

"You'll be sorry you called me that in the morning," Ianto growled, drowsily, "when I'm more awake, I'm going to hit you."

"Of course you are, Tink. Of course you are."

TWTWTWTW

Ianto yawned and stretched. From the dim light shining through the crack in the curtains, he guessed it was still early. When he turned around he found that Jack was all ready awake and was looking back at him.

"Hi," he beamed.

He ran a finger over Jack's cheek but then pulled back his hand and slapped him across the head.

"Ow," Jack moaned, "what was that for?"

"I told you I was going to hit you."

"Oh yeah, you did, what time is it, Tinkerbell?"

Ianto rolled his eyes.

"Early," he said, "We should go back to sleep."

"Hmm, we should," Jack agreed.

He pulled Ianto towards him and pressed their mouths together, snaking his tongue out and pushing it against the Welshman's closed lips. Ianto stiffened and Jack sighed and moved away.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"It's okay,"

"No, really, I'm sorry," Jack insisted, "I shouldn't be pressuring you. Owen told me the drugs can affect your sex drive and it doesn't matter honestly, I can be patient, I can wait for you."

Even in the dim light, Jack could see that Ianto was blushing.

"You talked to Owen about our sex life."

"No, not exactly. Just in general."

"Anyway, it's not that. At least I don't think it is. Lithium doesn't affect everyone that way and believe me, I still feel incredibly horny. You've no idea how hard I'm finding it to keep from ripping those shorts off and ravishing you."

"then why...?"

"Because we haven't talked about it have we. I assume you got the all clear when I did, but we still need to discuss it. I don't intend ever doing anything that stupid again, but what if..."

"Shh," Jack held a finger against his lips, "you won't. I trust you."

"but what if I did. What if I hurt you and made you sick? I couldn't live with myself."

"So what are you saying," Jack asked, "do you want to start using protection again?"

Ianto nodded and Jack pulled him close, kissing the top off his head.

"Well, why didn't you say so? If that's what you want, it's okay with me."

"Thank you," Ianto snuggled in, resting his head on the older man's shoulder.

"ravish me, eh?" Jack scoffed.

"Oh, yeah."

The American cleared his throat.

"right, erm. As soon as I can move, I'm getting out of this bed and going to the drug store."

"Good."

"Love you."

"Hmm, I Love you too, and by the way it's chemist."

"Huh?"

"It's a chemist, not a drug store."

"Oh."

"It's proper English lesson one, Jack. You get your condoms from the chemist, water comes out of a tap, when you go to a restaurant, you ask for the bill not the check, the bathroom is where you get clean and not where you go to the toilet, you wear your vest under your shirt, not over it and the shop is where you get your groceries from, not where you get your car fixed."

"Mmmm, Whatever, go back to sleep, Tinkerbell."

"And stop calling me that." Ianto complained.

"Never," Jack laughed.

TWTWTWTW

Ianto wasn't sure if he'd slept again or just dozed but when he came back to full consciousness some time later, he knew instinctively before he opened his eyes, that the space behind him was empty. He turned around and spotted a note on the pillow which he picked up and read.

Hi, Tink

Don't worry about me; I'm just taking the dog for a walk.

I'll call in at the drug store, (I mean chemist) on my way home.

Keep the bed warm for me.

Love you

Jack.

Ianto wondered if he had time for a shower, but since he had no idea how long Jack had been gone, he decided there would be time enough afterwards. He swallowed, suddenly nervous at the thought of what they were going to do when the other man got back. He felt a familiar fluttering in his tummy and he had to work hard to keep his breathing steady. It wouldn't do to work himself up to such a state that he shot his load the moment Jack walked in through the door, which was a very real possibility given how long it had been since they'd been together in the biblical sense. He slipped off his pyjama bottoms and wrapped his hand tightly around the base of his cock, closing his eyes and trying to think unsexy thoughts. It almost worked, but he was still hard and wanting when he heard the front door slam about 15 minutes or so later.

Jack stopped short in the doorway, practically drooling over the sight that met him. Ianto was naked on the bed, the duvet kicked off exposing the whole of his body. He was resting his head on one hand while the other lazily stroked his erection. Jack took a minute to drink in the sight, his eyes drifted from Ianto's feet, all the way up his legs, pausing a little, when they reached the abdomen and finally coming to rest on the younger man's face. His breath caught in his throat and without uttering a single word, he tore off his clothes and leapt on the bed.

TWTWTWTW

"Wow, that was..."

"Yeah, Tinkerbell. Yeah. It was."

"Lost the power of...something or other."

"Coherent thought?"

"Yeah. That's the one."

Jack laughed and rested his head on the younger man's shoulder while Ianto kissed the top of his head.

"I love you," the Welshman hummed, contentedly.

"Love you, too." Jack sighed.

Ianto knew he should have been happy but there was something about the tone of Jack's voice which set his teeth on edge. He lifted his lover's face by hooking a finger under his chin and frowned at him.

"Okay, what's up?" he asked.

"It's nothing, forget it," Jack replied, "Do you think we'll have to call your social worker today."

"No, it's Sunday, there won't be anyone there, and stop changing the subject. What's wrong?"

Jack pulled away from him. He lay on his back and folded his arms under his head.

"It's nothing honestly it's just. After everything we've been through, all the heartache, I'm so happy and I wish," Jack paused, he turned his head to the side to look at Ianto, "I wish this could last forever," he finished.

Ianto searched the older man's eyes for some clue as to what he meant.

"you don't trust me," he murmured, "I said I wouldn't do anything stupid again, but you don't believe me do you?"

"No, no," Jack said. He turned back on his side and folded the younger man up in the duvet pulling him, duvet and all into his side, "that's not it, that's not it at all," he heaved a sigh, "It's you, Ianto...look at you."

"What?" Ianto shook his head.

"I'm just saying I don't expect this to last forever but I'll take everything you have to offer for now and I'll happily let you go when the time comes."

"I still don't understand,"

Jack kissed his lover on the cheek.

"It doesn't matter," he said, "forget it."

"No, Jack. You can't tell me you're going to leave me eventually and not tell me why. What's going on?"

"I'm not gonna leave you Ianto," he said, "you're the one who's going to leave. Look, I'm 17 years older than you. When you're my age, I'll be 60. Ten years after that you'll still be a relatively young man, and I'll be 70. What are you going to do when I'm old and senile and we can't make love anymore without the use of prescription drugs?"

Ianto felt relieved. This wasn't about him after all, he thought, this was something he could deal with. He smiled.

"What are you grinning at?" Jack asked him, annoyed, "I'm serious, what ya gonna do with me when I'm old?"

"Oh, I dunno," Ianto chuckled, "I thought I might put you in a home and go find myself some hot, young ass."

Jack sighed.

"Oh come on, I was joking," Ianto tried to assure him, "you know, I would never do that to you. How can you possible think there'll ever come a time when you're not enough for me? You're so full of life, it's like you've got an abundance of it," he scratched his head, "I know I'm not saying it very well, I'm not much of a talker, you know that, Jack. That's just me, but I love you and I'm never gonna leave you willing. I don't care if all your hair falls out, I wouldn't even care if you turned into a huge wrinkly head with no arms and legs. You're mine, Jack and you best get used to it because I'm not going anywhere."

He finished his speech with a "humph," turning away and crossing his arms across his chest.

Jack sat up. He rested his back against the headboard and looked down at his young lover. He placed his palm flat on the other man's chest and bent down to kiss his forehead.

"You mean it don't you?"

"Yeah, I mean it, you better believe it mister. You'll never get rid of me now. Even if you wanted to I won't let you go, I'll stalk you for the rest of your life."

Ianto tilted his head up and the two men gazed at each other longingly. For a moment, the Welshman was certain Jack was going to say something to him, but then he seemed to think better of it and gave him an awkward upside down kiss instead. When he pulled away, Ianto asked him.

"What we're you going to say."

The American's eyes glistened as he shook his head, not trusting himself to speak.

"Oh, what is it, Jack?" Ianto asked, "Please don't cry."

"It's okay," Jack sniffled, "These are happy tears."

"Oh," his lover beamed, "I love you so much," he said.

"Ianto," Jack started, "if, if I..." he gulped.

"What?"

"If I asked you to marry me would you say yes?"

Jack spoke in a rush, all his words running together. Ianto felt as if something was stuck his throat, making it difficult for him to breathe. He sucked in a lungful of air and his heart beat a fast tattoo against his chest. He ran his hand down the older man's arm and took hold of the hand. His eyelids fluttered a little as he looked up at him.

"If I said, I'd say yes, would you ask me," he breathed.

"Maybe."

"Then maybe I'd say yes."

Jack grinned.

"I mean," he said, "It's not as if we can't get it annulled if it doesn't work out."

Ianto rolled his eyes. He let go of the hand and gave Jack a slap.

"and you were doing so well too," he griped.

"Shit, you're right. I'm crap at this. It's not as if I've done it before."

Jack sat up straight, folding his knees underneath him so he was kneeling on the bed. He took hold of Ianto's hand, took a deep breath and opened his mouth to speak,

"YES, YES. Hell, yes," Ianto shrieked at the top of his voice. He leaped off the bed and grabbed Jack in a bear hug. "Now shut up and kiss me before I change my mind, you idiot."

TWTWTWTW

**A/N: In the next chapter, Jack confronts Adam and he****ars something he wishes he hadn't.**


	13. Love shouldn't be so Melancholy

When Jack walked into the kitchen later that morning, Ianto was making coffee; the young Welshman's phone was wedged between his ear and his shoulder and he acknowledged him with a smile as he continued with his one sided conversation.

"Yeah, maybe….No Gwen, I said maybe, I'll let you know….Yeah okay, I gotta go, Jack's here."

"Hey Gwen," Jack shouted.

"She says hey back," Ianto told him, "I'll call you later, Gwen…yeah thanks, you too, bye."

He put the phone down on the counter and Jack asked him what she wanted.

"She wants to know if Tosh and I can go over to hers next week for a girls' night in."

Jack sniggered.

"Um, Ianto."

"What?"

"Tosh and Gwen?"

"Yeah?"

"They are aware you're not a girl, right?"

Ianto sighed.

"Sometimes I wonder," he said.

"Well," Jack stood behind him and wrapped his arms around him, kissing the back of his neck, "if they saw you in bed..."

"Jack," Ianto scolded, "We are not having a threesome with Tosh or Gwen."

"Spoilsport," the older man pouted, "so, are you going?"

"Going where?"

"Gwen. Girls' night in?"

"I dunno."

"You should. You need to start getting out again. It will be good for you. Besides there's someone I need to go and see too."

Ianto peered over his shoulder at the American,

"You're not going to be too hard on her, are you?"

"How did you know who I meant?"

"I know you."

"Ah, I see. Well, I don't want to fight with her, I'm angry but I know she did what she did with the best of intentions. I just want to get it all out in the open so we can both be there for you, and if we can't be friends at least we can be civil to each other."

"Hmm," Ianto turned around and rested his head on the older man's shoulder. He sighed

"You okay?" Jack asked.

"Yeah, I just feel so insanely happy, okay bad choice of words but you know what I mean. I just can't shake the feeling that something bad is going to happen to ruin everything."

TWTWTWTW

Ianto cringed as Gwen and Tosh indulged in another round of girlish squealing.

"Was it down on one knee and everything," Gwen asked.

"Not exactly, he said would I say yes if he asked me to marry him."

The girls made aw faces at each other.

"Then he said we could always get divorced if it didn't work out."

Gwen let out a huge snort of laughter.

"Oh, that is the most romantic proposal I've ever heard," Tosh laughed.

"Fine, mock me," Ianto snarked, good naturedly, "I'll get my own back when Owen asks you anyway."

"Oh, please," the Japanese woman laughed, "don't even joke about such things."

"Oi," Ianto went on, doing a really bad impression of Owen's London accent, "Tosh, marry me before some other fit bird snaps me up."

Tosh's face turned serious all of a sudden and Ianto wondered if he had gone too far.

"I'm sorry," he said, "I've upset you now."

"Oh, no," Tosh assured him, patting him on the arm, "It's not that, I was just thinking how good it is to have you back."

"I'll second that," Gwen agreed, raising her glass, "to us and our shitty men," she toasted.

"Long may we sail in them," Ianto finished.

TWTWTWTW

Jack sat across from Rhiannon at her kitchen table, a mug of coffee cooling at his elbow. He took a sip, repressing a wince when he found out that only one of the Jones's siblings knew how to make great coffee.

"You have to believe me," Rhiannon spoke, "I never meant to hurt anyone."

Taking pity on her, Jack smiled.

"I know, you thought you were protecting him."

"I swear, if I thought for a second that Adam had hurt Ianto. I didn't even know they were together in that way."

"Ianto said no one did."

"I didn't even know Adam was gay."

"Not every guy who sleeps with other guys is gay, Rhiannon."

"Oh, I mean yeah of course. You're bi aren't you? Ianto told me once."

"Yeah, I'm bi but it's not just that. Some men will sleep with anything, it's not about fancying one gender more than the other, it's just about not giving a shit about who gets you off."

"That doesn't sound like Adam. I know he's a low life but he does a lot for this community. I doubt you've lived in a place like this so you don't know what's it's like but around here people turn a blind eye as long as you look after your own. Say what you like about Adam, he cares about the people on this estate."

"How can you still say that knowing what you know about him."

"I…" she faltered, "I don't know."

Jack sighed.

"You don't believe it, do you?"

"No, it's not that," she shook her head, "Ianto wouldn't lie about something like that, would he?"

Jack looked away, trying to stay calm.

When he turned back he gave her a hard stare.

"No, Rhiannon. He wouldn't."

TWTWTWTW

As it turned out, finding Adam hadn't proved as difficult as Jack might have imagined. He knew there was little point looking in the phonebook for Smith, A and he couldn't make enquiries on the estate without alerting Adam that someone was looking for him. However finding out where to find him had been a happy accident, brought about by meeting Andy's new girlfriend, Emma. Emma was a Special Constable and not bad looking, although a bit light in the brain's department in Jack's opinion. Dropping Adam Smith's name into the conversation bore results with a 10 minute rant about how every cop, from the chief constable to the lowest beat bobby knew who Adam Smith was. It seems the man was untouchable and somehow evaded capture even though he openly dealt drugs from the back room of a seedy pub on the Cromwell estate.

Jack knew he was taking a big risk. It wasn't so much he was afraid of what Adam could do to him. Jack was a military man, he'd fought in wars, and he'd faced certain death on more than one occasion. He also had something the US military had taken full advantage of, the ability to kill without hesitation when the situation called for it. He wasn't scared of Adam, he knew the type. As a commanding officer, he'd had men like him in his ranks. All mouth, no trousers as his old mum used to say. Get a bit shouty and they'd always fold.

What Jack _was_ afraid of, however, was being picked up by the police with a "not exactly legal" firearm tucked into the back of his jeans. However, the pros and cons of what he was about to do had been weighed up and the decision had been made. He'd planned it all out, "cased the joint" and now he was about to do this thing. The trick was to act as if you had every right to be there, to show no fear and to walk right into the lion's den without batting an eyelid. He sat at the bar, waiting for Adam's last customer to leave, then he walked down a dingy corridor to where he knew the back room was situated. Ignoring the two heavy set men sitting at a table in the corner, he strode nonchalantly over to Adam and sat down. Without saying a word, he pulled the gun out of the back of his jeans and slammed it down on the table. The two body guards made a move towards him but were stopped in their tracks by a look from Adam and a slight flick of his wrist.

"I take it you know who I am?" Jack said.

"Hmm, Let me see," Adam replied, smirking a little. Jack was surprised to discover he wasn't Welsh at all but a fellow Scot, "Strong jaw line, devilishly good looking, a certain boyish charm, American accent, Yeah I think I've got a good idea who you are?"

"Good. That's good. Saves me explaining why I'm here. Still, I suppose you're wondering why go to all the trouble of walking in here with a gun in my back pocket and then giving it up as soon as I sit down. Well, maybe I was intending to shoot you in the head, but then I eyed your two heavies over there and thought, what are the chances of me getting in a quick headshot before they took me down. Then again," Jack started patting all his pockets while he talked, frowning as if he wasn't sure what he was looking for, "maybe I was just lulling you into a false sense of security," he pulled out a ballpoint pen from his breast pocket, waving it about a little while he talked, "so that I could whip out some random object like say," he looked at the pen as if he was seeing it for the first time, "oh yeah, a pen," he grinned. "Have you got any idea how many different ways there are to kill a man with a ballpoint pen? It's fascinating really, you'd be amazed. My personal favourite is straight through the eye-ball, into the optical nerve so they bleed out into the brain, virtually no mess, well apart from having a ballpoint pen in the eye."

When Jack finished talking, Adam calmly took a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and took one out. He bounced it up and down on the table, turning it over a couple of times before sticking it in his mouth and lighting it.

He looked at Jack with narrowed eyes, as if thinking things over. Eventually he pointed at him with his cigarette,

"I like you," he said, "I could use a man like you."

Jack raised one eye-brow.

"No, perhaps not," Adam continued, "but because I like you, I'm going to be straight with you. I've been top dog around here since I was 16 years old and do you know how I've stayed at the top."

Jack shrugged.

"By picking my fights and truth is, Ianto's not worth the hassle. You can keep him."

"Ahh, shucks," Jack grinned, "And there was me with a whole speech worked out, I was gonna regale you with tales of interrogation in the modern military. You'd be surprised how much fun we could have with a bowl of water and a hand towel, Oh well."

He stood up and snatched the gun from the table, barely reacting to the sound of guns being cocked behind him. He smirked, slowly raised his hands and put the gun back in his jeans. He turned and was almost at the door when he heard Adam say something.

"Tell, me something Jack, is Ianto still doing the little boy lost act."

Jack stopped but didn't turn around.

"Because it is an act you do realise that don't you. Please tell me you didn't fall for it. Don't think for a second that he needs you to fight his battles for him, because that kid is as hard as nails and more than capable of looking after himself."

"I don't have to listen to this," Jack said, spinning around at last.

"No you don't but you should. Ianto likes to go for the Alpha male. And that's what we are, Jack, you and I, Alpha males. The little boy lost act is just his way of reeling us in."

"Ianto didn't go for you, you went for him."

"Oh, " Adam smirked, "Is that what he told you. Well, he always was a bit economical with the truth."

Jack wanted to turn around and leave but something kept him rooted to the spot.

"Ianto was a snotty nosed kid," Adam said, "I never even noticed him until the day he offered to suck my cock in return for putting the frighteners on some kids who were annoying him. Okay, I will admit to getting a bit handsy with him, but you've heard the term topping from the bottom, I'm sure and that boy had me trussed up like a Christmas turkey for three years."

"If he was that bad why did you want him back?"

"Cards on the table time," Adam said, "revenge. As I told you, I've been top dog around here for quite a while now and in all that time, only one person got one over on me and got away with it." He stood up, lifting his tee shirt and exposing an ugly scar under his ribcage on the left hand side, "bastard stabbed me in my sleep. Just missed my heart, as it was I lost my spleen. But then that boy is 7 kinds of sick and I consider myself lucky he didn't cut off my cock, so let me give you two bits of advice," Adam continued, "one Alpha male to another. Firstly, Ianto is a pathological liar, so never believe a word he tells you and secondly, and I can't stress this enough, on no account should you ever turn your back on him."

Jack showed no emotion apart from a slight flick of his eyes towards the two heavies at the bar. Then he was all business as he gave Adam his best intimidating glare.

"Stay away from him," he barked, "because unlike Ianto, I know how to stab someone and mean it."

He stormed out of the room and out of the pub, managing to make it to the alley way before stumbling against the wall and emptying the contents of his stomach behind a skip.

TWTWTWTW

Jack woke with a start, gasping back to semi consciousness. He felt a hand on his shoulder and his eyes suddenly snapped open, Adam's words coming unbidden to the front of his mind,

"_Neve_r _turn your back on him,"_

He shucked the hand off and dragged himself off to the bathroom, his bare feet slapping against the tiled floor. He held himself up with one palm flat against the wall while he pissed noisily into the toilet bowl. He ran his hands under the tap, before coughing into his fist and then climbing back into bed.

"Please," Ianto's voice was no more than a whimper and shook with unchecked emotion, "what did I do?"

Jack sighed. He turned around and was immediately aware of the tremors wracking the young Welshman's body. It had been five days since Adam's revelations and Jack had barely looked at his lover in that time.

"When did you last take your medication?" he asked.

Ianto stayed curled up on his side, with his back to the American and didn't reply.

"Ianto!" Jack shouted.

Ianto shot up and spun around in bed.

"What's the fucking point," he yelled. He raised his knees and rubbed at his eyes with balled up fists, "Aah, my fucking head is killing me."

Jack sat up and sat on the edge of the bed for a moment, holding his head in his hands. He sighed and then walked out of the room and down the stairs into the kitchen. He found Ianto's medication, took a glass out of the cupboard and filled it with water. By the time he got back to the bedroom, Ianto was sitting on the edge of his bed, his knees knocking together and his teeth chattering. Neither man spoke. Jack placed the glass down on the bedside table and took a pill out of the packet, holding it out to Ianto on the flat of his palm. With teary eyes and trembling fingers Ianto pick up the pill and popped it in his mouth while Jack handed him the glass of water. The younger man was shaking so badly that the glass tumbled out of his grip and landed in his lap. He showed no reaction apart from a slight frown as he looked at the wet patch on his pyjama bottoms.

It was at that point that Jack had a sudden and devastating epiphany, an epiphany which caused his heart to tremble and knocked his legs from under him. He slipped to the ground on his knees at his young lover's feet. Ianto blinked blankly at him as Jack staggered. The American's head spun, the sound of white noise filled his ears and over the top of it, Ianto's words, the words that he should have recalled from the start. He fell on his side and started to cry.

_Adam has a way of making you believe what he wants you to believe._


	14. But there's one thing I want you to know

Jack was startled by Ianto's hand on his shoulder. He sat up, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.

"You're wet," he said.

"Doesn't matter."

"Yes it does," Jack insisted, "Sit on the bed, I'll clean you up."

Ianto obeyed without question, giving the older man an expressionless, wide eyed stare as he was helped into clean pyjamas.

"Do you need more water?" Jack asked, "for your pill."

Ianto shook his head.

"I dry swallowed it," he replied

The American nodded. He sat down on the bed and stroked a hand over the short, spiky hair on top of Ianto's head. He let the hand rest on the back of the other man's neck for a moment before drawing their foreheads together.

"I messed up," he said, "it's all my fault."

"No, it's not."

Jack pulled back, his hand dropping to his side.

"Yes it is," he said, "I went to see Adam."

Ianto's eyes widened.

"What did he say?"

"It doesn't matter, I don't believe it now," Jack paused for a moment, "but I need to know, were you telling the truth when you said you had no more secrets."

The younger man didn't respond at first. He stared at the floor, a long moment of silence stretching between them. Eventually, without looking up, he gave a tiny, almost imperceptible shake of the head.

"Oh," Jack didn't know what else to say.

"I'm sorry," Ianto pleaded, "I was ashamed. You're angry now."

"No, I'm not. I'm disappointed. Sometimes I feel as if I've only scratched the surface with you. I know I wasn't exactly honest when we first got together but I tell you everything now."

Ianto lifted his head, looking at Jack with tear filled eyes. He gave his head another shake.

"I know but I...I can't"

"Why not? You don't need to be afraid anymore. No one can hurt you now and I won't judge you."

A single tear escaped from the corner of the Welshman's eye, running down his cheek until it was wiped away by the palm of his hand.

"It wasn't my da," he said, "it was me. I was the one who asked Adam to sort out the bullies. I told him I'd give him a blow job."

Jack cupped Ianto's face in the palm of his hands and kissed him briefly on the lips. When he pulled away he gave him a small, affectionate smile.

"You've no reason to feel ashamed," he said, "You were young, you had no one to turn to."

"I went a bit wild after that. I thought I was so clever, walking around the estate like I owned the place but I was a fool, and by the time I realised it, I was in too deep. I wasn't wrong when I said he didn't pimp me, he didn't but I pimped myself, I was just as much a rent boy as any of the kids who tout for business on street corners, and you wonder why I'm ashamed. I was so fucking ashamed I took drugs at one point, just to forget how shitty everything was. Then, just when I thought I couldn't take anymore, he cut me loose."

Jack chuckled humourlessly.

"Adam told me you stabbed him." he said.

"...and you believed him, I mean I know I've got a temper and I've done some stupid things in my time, but stab someone, I'm not sure I even could..."

"I know that now and I'm truly sorry. You were right about him, he has a way of making you believe things. I don't understand why he'd lie about something like that."

"because he can," Ianto shrugged.

The American gave him an apologetic look.

"So, Tinkerbell," he said, "you still want to marry me or what?"

Ianto didn't reply. He looked back at Jack with an expression the older man couldn't quite decipher. Jack frowned, his eyes roaming over his lover's face, searching for a clue as to what was wrong. After a while he sighed.

"There's something else isn't there?"

Ianto nodded slowly.

"I've never told anyone."

He lifted his feet on to the bed, pulling his knees up to his chest and resting his chin on them. Keeping his head low, he raised his eyes to meet Jack's.

When he spoke his voice was so quiet the American had to strain to hear it, "what do you suppose makes a 15 year old think it's normal to suck cocks to get what they want."

And just like that, something became horribly clear. Something about Ianto's actions as a troubled teenager suddenly made sense. Something Jack should have known all along because Ianto wasn't the first youngster to sell themselves. In fact they walked the streets of every major city in the world, and the American had read a statistic somewhere, sixty percent of them had something in common. He didn't speak because he couldn't think of anything to say.

"His name was Harry Saxon," Ianto continued, "he was my teacher and I was thirteen years old."

TWTWTWTW

Later that morning Jack made toast. He put it on a plate, sliding it across the table and pleading with Ianto to eat something.

"I should google him," Ianto said, ignoring the plate.

"Huh?"

"Saxon, I should google him, I need to know if he's still teaching."

Jack went to stand behind Ianto's chair and wrapped his arms around him. He didn't speak for moment, just holding him close and wordlessly offering support.

"Let me do it," he said, "you finish your breakfast."

He left the room and returned a few minutes later. He frowned at the still full plate of toast on the table but Ianto ignored the disapproving looks, asking him what he'd found out instead.

Jack's only response was a tight lipped smile.

"Oh," the Welshman dipped his head, "Where?"

"The High School. What do you want to do?"

"It's not what I want to do," Ianto sighed, "it's what I have to do."

More than anything, Jack wanted to tell him he didn't have to do anything he didn't want to, but they both knew that would be a lie.

"Okay," he conceded, "but let's get Owen to check you out first. You were pretty upset last night and I just want to make sure you're all right."

TWTWTW

Tosh stirred, stretching her arms out and yawning.

"Who was that," she asked.

"Jack," Owen told her, putting the phone back down on the bedside table, "He wants me to go and see Ianto."

"Ianto? Is everything okay?"

"Not sure, and I've no idea where he got the idea I do house calls from either."

Tosh smiled at him,

"But you'll go anyway?"

"Yeah," the doctor chuckled, "I don't know what it is about the big lug but he makes me want to be a better doctor, and no one has done that since..."

"It's okay, you can say her name, you know."

"No," he said, jumping out of bed, "no time to be maudlin. I've got a patient to see. I'll call you later and let you know he's okay."

TWTWTWT

"So...?" Jack hovered over Owen while the doctor checked Ianto's blood pressure, using the old fashioned method with a cuff and stethoscope.

"For fuck's sake, Jack," he let the air out the cuff, "I've lost count now. Look, why don't you go in the kitchen, I'll come get you when I'm done."

Jack sighed but left without further comment. The young doctor re-inflated the cuff and pressed his stethoscope against the crook of Ianto's elbow. After a few moments he took off the cuff and put the apparatus away in his bag.

"Physically you're a perfect specimen," he said, "so why don't you tell me why I'm really here?"

"I...um, forgot to take my meds."

"You...forgot?"

"I was a bit upset," Ianto squirmed.

Owen gave him a questioning look, then sighed at him.

"Right," he uttered, "So you had a row with the big headed, American git and thought you'd stop taken your meds to teach him a lesson"

Ianto shrugged,

"Sort of."

"Well, I don't care what happened, in future," Owen scolded him, "you do not stop taking your meds for anything, ever. You should be fine if this is a one off, but if you don't take them regularly you are risking a breakthrough episode, you could have a psychotic breakdown, you do understand how serious that is?"

Ianto looked down at his feet and nodded his head, avoiding the doctor's gaze.

"Good," Owen replied, "I'm going to go in the kitchen now. I could give you some excuse as to why you should stay here, but I'd rather just tell you the truth, which is I'm going to give the twat a bollocking, okay?"

He left the room without waiting for an answer, and stalked into the kitchen, sitting down at the table.

"What the fuck, happened," he growled, "I thought we'd agreed, no more fall outs and no more fucking dramas."

"I know, I was stupid, it won't happen again."

"It better not, Jack. I'm beginning to think his sister was right."

Jack looked up sharply.

"That's bull, Owen. You've no idea what you're talking about."

"Fine, but I'm warning you. Don't let me down again."

TWTWTWTW

Jack squeezed Ianto's hand as they stood in the lobby of the council's municipal offices, ignoring the surreptitious glances at their joined hands. When they got to the front of the queue he quietly asked for the Mental Health Social Work Team and was directed to the fourth floor. They took the lift and stepped out, immediately finding themselves in a large open plan office. The desk nearest the lift bore a sign with the instruction, "please sign in if you have an appointment." Jack opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by Ianto,

"If you say loving the officey feel, I'm going to hit you."

Jack chuckled.

"I was going to say, we have to sign in over there, but now that you mention it..."

Ianto rolled his eyes and strode over to the reception desk.

"Ianto Jones," he said, "I've got an appointment with Rory Williams."

The receptionist smiled and point to a door behind her to the left,

"Just wait in there," she said, "I'll let him know you're here."

The door led to a pleasantly decorated room, painted in a calming shade of blue, the only furniture comprising of a number of colour coordinated chairs arranged in a circle. The two men sat next to each other, Jack putting his arm over the back of Ianto's chair. After a few moments the door opened and Rory walked in. He shook hands with both of them and greeted them with a smile,

"I'm so sorry I couldn't come out to see you at home, Ianto. I'm snowed under this week. How are you both coping?"

"We're coping fine, now, thanks," the Welshman replied.

"So what can I do for you?"

Jack reached over and gave Ianto's knee a squeeze.

"We need your help with something." he said.

Rory listened, without interrupting as Ianto told his story. When he'd finished the Social Worker, leaned forward in his chair and touched Ianto's arm.

"I'm so sorry," he said, "do you want tea or coffee or anything."

"Water would be nice," Jack said, Ianto nodded.

"Okay, I'll be back in a second.

After about twenty minutes, Rory returned with two plastic cups full of water. He passed one to Jack and gave the other to Ianto.

"I hope you don't mind but I called one of my colleagues in the child protection unit," he said. "She ran the name through their database and it seems Mr Saxon has an entry. About five years ago another student made a complaint about him. There was an investigation but the student wasn't believed so although the complaint was left on record, Saxon went back to work with the full support of his headteacher."

"Oh," Ianto palmed his face, "if I'd come forward sooner he might have been believed," he looked up, his face pale and haggard looking, "so anything he's done in the last five years is my fault then."

"No," Rory insisted, "You are not to blame for any of it."

"What happens now," Jack asked

"That will depend on Ianto," Rory replied, "as soon as we're finished here I'll inform the school and he'll be suspended pending further investigations. After that we could deal with it internally, if he's found guilty he'll lose his licence to teach and be put on the sex offenders' register, he won't work with children again."

"But he won't be punished."

"No we'd have to forward the case to the Crown Prosecution Service for that, but are you sure you'd want that."

"Why wouldn't I?"

Rory sighed.

"Ianto, you won't be the prosecution's star witness. If the other boy still wants to come forward, that will certainly help the case but given your history, the defense are likely to try and discredit you. They'll say you're deluded because of your medical condition, they'll drag up anything in your past that might suggest you weren't totally innocent," his gaze flicked to Jack, "they'll suggest you've always had a thing for older men, implying you had a crush on this teacher, and with you being in the public eye, it will attract press interest, maybe even the nationals. Of course they'll be banned from reporting on the facts of the case or releasing your name until it's over, but that won't stop them giving enough details so everyone will have a good idea who you are anyway." Rory paused to give Ianto a moment to process this new information, "Why don't I leave you two alone for a minute to talk things through," he continued, "and if you're still sure when I come back, I'll call the police and start the ball rolling."

"You okay?" Jack asked after the social worker had left the room, "are you sure you want to go through with it."

"I'm sure," Ianto replied,"I can't hide in the shadows anymore and I don't want the rest of my life to be about him. What happened to me when I was 13 is responsible for so much that went wrong with my life, Adam, taking drugs, my OCD, probably even the bi polar disorder. Seeing him punished for it could be the first step to finally getting my life back on track."

Jack smiled at him.

"I love you," he said, "let's get married."

"I thought we'd already agreed that," Ianto laughed.

"No I mean lets get married now. Well, not now obviously but since we're in the municipal buildings why don't we nip along to the marriage room and book the next available date."

Ianto blinked at him, looking shocked."

"You're serious, aren't you?"

"Why not? We don't have to spend months planning it. We don't need flowers or bridesmaids dresses or place settings, just you, me, the registrar and whatever friends and family members want to join us."

The young Welshman's shocked face gradually morphed into a bright grin. Jack laughed.

He stood up and pulled Ianto up along with him, laughingly dancing him around his chair in a kind of mad waltz.

"Okay, this is not exactly what I was expecting when I came back."

Jack stopped dancing but didn't let Ianto go. He turned to face Rory in the doorway,

"I'm sorry," Ianto said, "I promise we know how serious this is, it's just..."

Jack interrupted him, gracing Rory with a face splitting grin.

"Ianto has just agreed to be my non-gender specific legalised life partner."

TWTWTWTW

Ianto stood back with his arms full of grocery bags, while Jack let them both into their house. The older man took the bags and lead the way into the kitchen. While Jack unpacked the shopping, Ianto flopped down on the kitchen table and groaned, holding his head in his hands,

"I can't believe we just did that."

"You haven't changed your mind have you," Jack asked.

"No, of course not, it's just, bloody hell, two weeks! When I agreed to book the next available date I didn't know they would have a cancellation."

Jack stopped what he was doing and looked at him.

"Are you sure about this, because if you're not just say the word..."

"No. I'm sure. I want to do this. The sooner the better, I'm just thinking how the hell are we going to do everything in two weeks."

"Tosh will help, and Gwen. Have you thought about who you want to stand up for you."

"Rhys, of course, what about you?"

"I thought I'd ask John."

Ianto's head shot up,

"J...John," he stammered,

"No, not John...silly, John, my boss."

"Oh," Ianto replied, "phew that's a relief. Not that I've anything against John, It's just I don't think I could stand being called eye-candy all day."

Jack laughed.

"He was jealous, you know. He knew how much I loved you and I guess even though the two of us were together for 15 years, I never felt the same way about him. I won't say I didn't love him but he wasn't you Ianto."

The younger man stood up and threw himself at Jack, crashing their lips together in a passionate kiss. When it finished, Jack grinned.

"So Tinkerbell, where are you taking me on honeymoon?" he asked.

"Honeymoon? I..I hadn't really thought about it. Do you want to go away?"

"Oh come on, Ianto. We have to have a honeymoon? It's traditional. How about Venice?"

"Hmmm, I don't know, Venice, it's a bit...wet."

"What about Spain then?"

"Too hot."

"Iceland?"

"Too cold."

"San francisco."

"Too far,"

"Paris?"

"Hmmm, Paris,"

"Great, I'll go book it."

"On second thoughts, not Paris. It's too French,"

Jack sighed.

"Is there anywhere in the world you like."

"Wales, I like Wales."

"Ianto we live in Wales. That's the whole point of going away. You know, that's why it's called, going away." Jack emphasised the last two words.

"But why would you want to go anywhere else, " Ianto insisted, "Wales has got everything you need, sea, sand..."

"...sheep!"

"Okay, it doesn't have to be wales, but why do we have to go abroad. Couldn't we just stay in the UK."

"Ianto Jones are you scared of flying?" Jack humphed, putting his hands on his hips.

"Oh, erm," Ianto blushed, "might be, a bit, maybe."

"Fine we'll stay in the UK then. This time. How about we leave it to fate, I'll go get the road map, you can open it at random and point somewhere. That's where we'll go."

TWTWTWTW

"C'mon, Ianto. Don't keep me in suspense, where are we going on honeymoon?"

"Slough."

"Ah."


	15. Share the Good Times

Gwen was late again. She hurried across the Plass, teetering dangerously on high heeled shoes, cursing her upbringing for not providing her with the important things in life, such as good deportment. Pygmalian she wasn't and there was only so much walking with a book on your head a girl could do, she just wasn't made for impractical shoes. Toshiko was the one for killer heels, she thought, always seeming so impossibly graceful even in 6 inch stilettos. She made it to the coffee shop without injury and found her two best friends waiting for her. She flopped down in a chair beside them with a clumsy half trip and graced them with a sincere apology.

"Do you want another?" she said, indicating their empty mugs.

"I'll go," Ianto grinned, "Wouldn't want you doing yourself an injury. Usual?"

"Yes please," she nodded. She watched him approach the barista, turning to Tosh as soon as she was sure he was out of earshot.

"How is he?" she asked.

"Surprisingly fine, but he doesn't want to talk about it. I'm not sure whether that's a good thing or not."

"It can't have been easy for him, all these years and he never told anyone. I mean, we all knew there was something."

"I suppose we did, I just never thought it would be something like that."

"We went to the same school you know," Gwen said, "we all did, me and Rhys, Rhiannon, Ianto. I remember Saxon, he was charismatic in a way but I always thought there was something off about him, I hope the other inmates give him a hard time when he goes to prison."

"If it ever gets that far,"

"What, you don't think he'll be found guilty?"

Tosh shook her head, "they haven't even charged him yet. Jack said he thinks they're going to try and push it under the carpet, retire the guy on a full pen...Ow."

She bent down to rub her ankle where Gwen had kicked it, looking up just in time to see Ianto put three mugs down on the table. She cleared her throat.

"So, erm. Gwen, where did you say you got those shoes from?"

"It's okay," he said, "I know you were talking about me."

The girls looked at each other guiltily, both willing the other to say something.

"Look, it's fine," he went on, "but can we not talk about it anymore."

Without another word, Gwen lifted her skinny latte from the table and took a sip. She put her foot on one of the spare chairs around the table and contemplated her shoe, moving her foot this way and that as she looked at it,

"Damn these shoes are ugly," she said, "Ianto I was with you when I bought these shoes, why the hell didn't you tell me they were ugly? It's a derogation of your duty as our GBF."

"GBF?" Ianto asked.

"Gay best friend," Tosh explained.

"Oh," Ianto rolled his eyes, "Why do you assume I know the first thing about women's shoes. I know nothing about women's shoes?"

"Yes but you've got great taste haven't you?"

"I've got great taste?" he scoffed, "As condescending gay euphemisms go, that's almost as bad as "he's very flamboyant" or "he's good to his mother."

"What's the point of having a gay best friend, if they don't tell you when you're about to buy ugly shoes?"

"Is that the only reason you're friends with me," Ianto joked, "for advice on shoes and handbags."

"Of course," Tosh told him, "What else is there?"

"Let's face it Ianto," Gwen added, "we don't keep you around for your rugged, manliness."

"Hey, I resent that. I'm just as manly as any of the guys on the squad."

"Of course you are," Tosh put her hand over his on the table, "It's just, you're the only one with a favourite Disney princess."

Gwen sniggered.

"So you and Jack," she asked, waving her finger in his direction "on or off this week."

He sent her a death glare,

"What is it with you two today? Jack and I are fine, thank you. In fact you better dust your hats off because we've set a date."

"Oooh, great, I love a good wedding, me" Gwen said, "When is it?"

"A week on Saturday."

Gwen spluttered in her coffee, which thankfully she managed to swallow rather than spit out all over the table.

"How on earth are we going to get everything ready in less than two weeks?" Tosh gasped.

"we?" Ianto asked.

"Of course, did you really think we were going to let you plan this wedding without us? So, what have you done so far?"

"We've booked the registry office."

There was a moment of silence while Tosh and Gwen waited for him to continue.

"and..." Tosh said, making circling motions with her hand.

"And...that's it," Ianto shrugged.

"Bloody hell, Ianto," Gwen exclaimed, "You're supposed to be the organised one. Where were you thinking of having the reception because you won't get anywhere at this late stage."

"I don't know, there's only going to be a handful of people, maybe we can just take everyone out for lunch afterwards."

"Have you written your vows yet, or chosen the rings, what about readings and music and what are you and Jack going to wear, and then there's flowers and a photographer?"

"Oh god, stop it" Ianto groaned, holding his head in his hands, "Bloody hell, what have I done?" he wailed.

"Don't panic," Tosh said, "We'll work something about between the three of us."

"Of course we will," Gwen touched him on the arm briefly before sitting back in her chair, "so," she went on, nonchalantly "I'm late."

"Yes, we know," Ianto replied, "we had to wait half an hour for you."

"No, I mean 'so...I'm late_.'" _She quirked an eye-brow at them.

Tosh looked at her with a surprised but delighted expression on her face. Ianto frowned.

"I don't understa...oh."

"Come on, you two," Tosh laughed, "drink up, we've got a wedding to plan and Gwen has to go pee on a stick."

TWTWTWT

Jack was at home, reading the local free paper. He leapt up when he heard the front door opening.

"Shit," he said aloud, folding the newspaper and frantically looking around for somewhere to hide it. At the last minute, he opened the bead bin and shoved it in there, just as Ianto came into the kitchen.

"Hey," the American beamed, turning around, "so how was your day?"

Ianto narrowed his eyes at the other man,

"What are you hiding?"

"Me, hiding something, I'm not hiding something, why would you think I'm hiding something."

Ianto turned his head to the side and gave Jack an odd, sidelong look.

"Um, oookay." He shook his head, "God, I'm starved. I don't think I can wait for dinner, Fancy an egg on toast?"

"NO!" Jack yelled.

Ianto jumped.

"Um, I mean...no," Jack repeated in a more sedate tone, "You don't want to spoil your dinner, I thought we could eat out or order in, whatever you want. Or I could cook, if you like, unless you wanted to cook that is." He knew he was babbling but didn't seem able to stop. Ianto ignored him, walked over to the bread bin and opened it, peering inside. He turned back to Jack, giving him the look, the one that told the American he was in trouble, and then pulled out the newspaper, unfolding it and smoothing it out on the table. The front page headline screamed at him,

"Cardiff Sportsman in Child Abuse Scandal."

"Oh great," he said, "that sounds like I'm the one doing the abuse."

"Headlines sell papers." Jack said, rubbing the younger man's back, "I'm sorry, I was hoping you wouldn't see it."

Ianto sighed and read the rest of the article aloud.

"The teacher at the centre of Cardiff's most recent child abuse scandal," he read, "looks unlikely to face charges this week, as details of the alleged abuse emerged. The allegation has been made by a local sports personality who cannot be named for legal reasons but who is as well known for his turbulent personal life and lack of stability as he is for his sporting prowess. A police spokesman told the newspaper that the case is still in the hands of the Crown Prosecution Services but they are confident that whatever decision they make will be the right one. The head at the school which employed the teacher stated that the allegations relate to events which took place before he joined them but they will be conducting an internal enquiry into his conduct at the school anyway."

"It's not so bad," Jack said, "They don't mention you by name."

"Only because they're not allowed to and anyway everyone will know who it is, a local sportsman with a turbulent personal life, who else is there?"

"There's that soccer player who left his wife and four kids for a glamour model."

"Okay," Ianto conceded, "maybe they won't know for sure but they'll speculate."

"So what if they do? You've done nothing to be ashamed of. I love you and no one will hurt as long as I'm around. Now, how about we get that takeaway and curl up on the sofa, we could watch a movie if you like."

Ianto smiled, "How come you always know the right thing to say," He put his arms around the American's waist and rested his head on his shoulder, "Yes to the takeaway and the sofa," he went on, "but no to the movie, we've got a list to work through."

"Hmm," Jack hummed wickedly, grinding his hips against Ianto's, "Is this like your 'things you can do with a stopwatch' list."

"Nope," Ianto took a step backwards and pulled a piece of paper out of his back pocket, "this is my 'how to plan your wedding in less than two weeks' list."

TWTWTWTW

"Calm down, woman," Rhys chuckled, "it's only Jack and Ianto."

Gwen picked up a scatter cushion from the sofa she'd been fussing over and hurled it at him.

"I know but it's been ages since we had them over, I want everything to be right."

"It's not going to be right if you're running about like a headless chicken when they get here. And think of the baby, all this stress can't be good him."

"Him?"

"Or her?" he smiled, "I don't mind either way."

As he was speaking the intercom buzzed, announcing they had visitors, he picked up the receiver and pressed the button to let their guests in, "this will be them," he said, "so for goodness sake, stop fussing."

He opened the door and greeted Jack and Ianto as they came up the stairs, standing back and beaming happily as he let them in the flat.

"Oh, so I see you've told him then?" Ianto chuckled.

Almost before the words left his mouth he realised he'd said the wrong thing. The grin dropped from Rhys's face and he glared angrily at his wife,

"You told him before you told me didn't you, and don't even think about lying to me?"

Gwen and Ianto froze.

"Oh I might have known," Rhys spat out, "Excuse me, I've got something to stir in the kitchen." Gwen winced when the kitchen door slammed behind him.

"What was that about?" Jack frowned.

"God, I'm so sorry Gwen, me and my big mouth," Ianto said, ignoring Jack.

"Oh, don't worry. He'll get over it, I'll go and talk to him," she made to go into the kitchen but he stopped her.

"No let me," he said.

He gingerly opened the kitchen door while Gwen turned to Jack, "I'd get you a drink," she said, "but the wine is in the kitchen and I think we should give them a minute."

"Forget the drink," Jack replied, "I want to know what all that was about."

TWTWTWTW

"For the last time, I'm sorry," Ianto apologised, "I know why you're upset but it's not like she told me, I just happened to be here when she took the test. Tosh was here too."

Rhys sighed.

"I know, I'm sorry," he said, "it wasn't just the fact I wasn't the first to know, somehow it was worse that it was you she told."

"How come," the younger Welshman frowned, "you can't be jealous of me, I don't know if you've noticed but she's not actually my type."

Rhys laughed,

"Yeah, bit hard to miss that." He paused, "but what if it's not you I'm jealous of," he looked straight at Ianto, "what if it's her I'm jealous of."

Ianto's mouth dropped open.

"Oh, close your mouth, you prat," Rhys barked, good-naturedly, "not like that."

"Oh," Ianto looked relieved and at the same time a little disappointed, "that's good," he said.

"What I meant is ever since you and Gwen got pally, we hardly see each other anymore, sometimes it feels as if my wife stole my best friend, I even hanker after the days when you two hated each other."

"I miss us too," Ianto sighed, "I love Gwen and Tosh but I think they forget I'm a guy sometimes. I can't do the kind of stuff with them I can do with another bloke."

Rhys laughed out loud.

"Don't start," Ianto giggled.

"Friends?" Rhys said, holding out his hand.

Ianto nodded and shook his hand.

"I'm glad we've got that sorted because I wanted to ask you a favour."

"Hey Gwen," Rhys grinned, opening the kitchen door, "Did you know Ianto was going to ask me to be his best man...oh for god sake, Jack put my wife down?"

"Sorry," the American said, "just heard your good news."

"Man, alive, woman, are you at least going to let me be in the same room next time you tell someone?"

TWTWTWT

"Ugh," Jack turned over in bed, "my head is killing me. How much did we have to drink last night?"

"Not sure," Ianto replied, "a couple of bottles of wine I guess."

Jack frowned,

"That's not so much between four of us, so how come my head feels like a high school marching band has taken up residence."

"Hmm, let me see," Ianto chuckled, "I don't drink anymore, Gwen's pregnant and Rhys has vowed to abstain as long as she has to."

"Oh," Jack groaned, "why didn't you stop me."

"You're cute when you're drunk, besides I was hoping to have my wicked way with you."

"Oh yeah?" Jack said, "how did that work out for you because I don't remember a thing."

"It didn't. As soon as we got started, you collapsed unconscious on top of me."

"Oops. Never done that before, must be getting old," Jack lifted himself off the bed and leaned over to give him a kiss, "hmm, you wanna finish off what we started last night?" he leered.

Ianto jerked his head away.

"Yuk, no way," he said, "not until you've had a shower and cleaned your teeth at least. You stink."

By the time Jack came out of the shower, the bed was empty. He pulled on a bathrobe, muttering to himself about damn, impatient Welshman. He frowned when he got to the top of the stairs, hearing voices. He listened a while until he was sure they didn't seem angry or threatening and then went back into the bedroom and got dressed. When he emerged, Ianto was seeing out two police officers, one of them glanced up at Jack before telling the Welshman they'd be in touch.

"What's happened?" Jack asked.

"It's Saxon," Ianto replied, "Another witness has come forward, they're charging him today."

TWTWTWTW

"Here's to your last night of freedom," Owen raised his glass, "I've got to be honest, When I heard you were getting married, I didn't think you'd make it this far."

"Very funny, Owen," Jack snarked, "Just be there tomorrow, and that goes for all of you. He let his eyes wander over the assembled party. It wasn't going to be a big wedding but it would be exactly what both of them wanted. They'd even managed to find a restaurant which would allow them to use a private room so they could still have toasts and speeches.

"How come your daughter isn't coming?" Gwen asked.

"We asked her," Jack shook his head sadly, "but..."

She gave her head a nod.

"She'll come around."

"Maybe. I do understand. I mean Ianto is the same age as her. I'm not sure how I'd feel if she told me she was getting married to a 43 year old."

"Where is the lovely bride to be, anyway?" Owen asked, "Shouldn't he be back with those drinks by now."

Jack turned around and scanned the bar, looking for his favourite Welshman. He felt his heart stop when he spotted him talking to a familiar face.

"Damn it, Ianto," he said under his breath, "why the hell are you talking to David Brigstocke."


	16. Someone there to pull you out

Rhys pulled on his favourite blue dressing gown and slipped his feet into the comfy slippers which he always insisted on wearing around the flat, despite the fact that Gwen hated them. He moved stealthily around the room so as not to wake her, tiptoeing out of the bedroom door and across the hallway to the kitchen. He flipped the switch on the kettle, resisting the urge to whistle loudly as per his usual morning routine. He was just about to make some toast when a noise from the living room stopped him in his tracks. He wasn't concerned, knowing as he did that Ianto was curled up on their sofa, not because he'd had another row with Jack but because today was their wedding day and the young Welshman had insisted on following tradition and spending the night apart.

Leaving the bread in the toaster, Rhys went to check on the other man. He sighed and shook his head at the sight which met him when he cracked open the living room door. It looked as if Ianto hadn't slept a wink all night as he was sitting up, clutching his head in his hands. Rhys cleared his throat and sat down on the sofa, slinging an arm over his friend's shoulder.

"Okay, what's up," he asked.

"What am I going to do," Ianto wailed unhappily. "What the hell was I thinking, I can't marry Jack."

"Of course you can, you idiot. It's just last minute nerves, every one gets them."

Ianto pulled away and sat up. He rubbed at his eyes with the heel of his palm and gave a little chuckle.

"You didn't," he said, "I had to handcuff you to the radiator just to stop you from getting ready four hours early."

"Oh yeah," Rhys grinned but a moment later his expression morphed into an angry glare, "and don't think I've forgiven you for that yet either."

"Why? It wasn't as if it was my fault," Ianto rejoined, "How was I supposed to know you'd lost the key?"

"I dunno, I just thought me screaming, 'I've lost the key,' at the top of my voice was a bit of a give away."

Ianto looked down at his feet, guilty.

"I thought you were lying," he apologised, "still," he brightened up, "at least the firemen saw the funny side."

"Hmm," Rhys narrowed his eyes at the younger man, "didn't one of them see the inside of your mouth too?"

"Uh huh," Ianto's eyes glazed over a little, "He was...nice. He had the biggest. um fire hose I've ever seen."

"Oh, ha ha!" Rhys groaned, "They do say the old ones are the best ones."

"Really though, he had a huge..."

The older man coughed loudly,

"Anyway, moving on..." he interrupted, "Jack loves you and god knows you've loved him for as long as I can remember. So no more talk of not going through with it, yeah? You know you're meant for each other."

Ianto let out a breath, letting his shoulder sag. He nodded.

"Thanks. Rhys. I guess you're right, it's last minute nerves," he smiled.

"Course I am, I'm always right." Rhys ruffled his friend's hair affectionately and hitched a laugh, "look at us," he chuckled, "all grown up. There's you about to get married and me with a baby on the way...who would have thought it, eh. Ah, we did some hell raising in the old days though didn't we?"

"Yeah, If you call drinking 10 pints and being sick in your shoes hell raising."

"Well, there was that time you got arrested in Vegas."

"Oh, yes. That was fun," Ianto rolled his eyes, indicating by his tone of voice that it hadn't been fun at all.

Rhys laughed and held out his arms, raising a questioning eye-brow,

"Well, what would you say to a manly hug?"

"I'd say hello manly hug."

Rhys ignored the comment and held out his arms expectantly. The two men shared a brief hug before they both pulled away embarrassed.

"Right," Rhys said, clearing his throat, "enough of that, let's get you some breakfast. Jack will never forgive me if you faint at the alter."

TWTWTWTW

_3 months later_

If anyone had suggested to Jack that marriage was bad for your sex life, he would have given a hearty laugh and a flirty wink and made some inappropriate comment but he wouldn't agree. In fact, right at this moment, with Ianto bouncing up and down on his lap, he'd have to say getting married was the best thing he'd ever done.

"Fuck, Ianto," he groaned, "not. Gonna. Last.

Ianto grunted in response, fisted his own cock, and lost his rhythm. Jack grabbed his partner by the waist and started thrusting his hips off the bed to meet him on the rebound. It only took a couple of thrusts to send the American over the edge and Ianto followed in quick succession, yelling out something incoherent as he climaxed.

The young Welshman collapsed on to Jack and let out a few gasping breaths into the curve of the older man's neck before falling on to his back next to his lover. Taking the opportunity to get rid of the condom and pull a few wet wipes from the bedside cabinet, Jack cleaned himself up and then turned on his side pulling Ianto into a hug and resting his head on his shoulder.

"I'd ask how was it for you," he chuckled, "but I think I all ready know the answer."

"Hmmm," Ianto replied, "I think I needed that."

"Yeah, you did," Jack answered, "You wanna tell me what's wrong?"

The Welshman stuck out his bottom lip and mumbled, "Sorry about that. I was being a brat wasn't I?"

"Hush. It's fine. I'd rather you yelled at me than kept it all bottled up." Ianto lifted Jack's head up and kissed him lightly on the lips. He held his gaze for a moment or two then sighed.

"They've set a date," he said.

"For the trial?"

Ianto nodded.

"When?" Jack asked.

"Two weeks."

Jack gasped.

"So soon, why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know, we've been so happy lately and I didn't want anything to spoil it."

"Ianto, I love you and nothings going to change that. I want to be here for you and I can't be if you keep things from me."

"I'm sorry. I seem to be saying that a lot lately."

"Never mind," Jack grinned, "if the make up sex is always this good, I'll forgive you. Now, why don't we go out for dinner tonight and you can tell me all about the trial."

TWTWTWTWTW

Ianto shivered nervously and squeezed Jack's hand tighter, burrowing his face into the older man's shoulder, Jack wrapped his free arm around him and kissed the top of his head.

"It's gonna be okay," he murmured, "It'll all be over soon."

Ianto nodded, not correcting Jack even though they both knew that whatever happened today it would never be over.

The room they were sitting in was wood panelled and dusty much like the rest of the building, but unlike other rooms in the court house, this one, which had been specially set aside for witnesses in abuse cases, had had a few additions made to it in an attempt to make it a little more comfortable. The chairs were cushioned ones instead of the hard plastic chairs in the main waiting area and someone had gone to trouble of hanging a few calming scenes of Welsh countryside on the walls. A large square coffee table in the middle of the room was scattered with magazines and leaflets. Ianto resisted the urge to tidy them into piles.

"Ianto?" Jack gently nudged his shoulder, bringing his attention to the open doorway where a court usher was standing, calling his name.

"Time to go."

Ianto nodded.

"I'll be in the public gallery," Jack went on, "If it gets too much you look for me, I'll be there, you're not alone."

Ianto blew out a breath and kissed Jack on the lips, running his finger's through the older man's hair. The usher coughed and looked away, but for once Ianto didn't care what other people thought. He pushed himself off the chair and left the room, following the man down the hallway and into the courtroom.

When he walked through the door the first thing Ianto noticed was the dock, and the second thing he noticed was the man sitting behind it. A man he hadn't seen for more than ten years and had hoped never to see again. Harold Saxon sat along side a custody office looking not at all like the evil monster Ianto knew him to be, but just a man like any other. In fact he looked almost beatific, staring right at Ianto with a disappointed expression which seemed to say, "I forgive you for what you are about to do." Someone coughed. A ripple of murmurs resonated around the court bringing Ianto back to reality. He swallowed and licked his lips, moving to the witness box and scanning the public gallery as he did so. By the time he climbed into the box, he saw Jack hurriedly taking his seat. Someone, he didn't know who, asked him if he needed to take a moment, he shook his head and mumbled, "I'm okay, thank you sir."

He made the oath when asked and waited nervously for the questioning to begin. He tried not to look at the jury, afraid they'd interpret his body language as lying if he paid them too much attention but equally afraid they'd come to the same conclusion if he ignored them. In the end he concentrated on the barristers reminding himself that the prosecution barrister was on his side and would be going first. He answered the questions as best he could, blushing and stuttering over intimate details which he'd never expected to have to speak out loud, let alone tell to a room full of strangers. He was immensely grateful that Rhiannon had respected his wishes and stayed away as he didn't want her to hear exactly what had happened to him while she was supposed to be protecting him.

He told how he'd been flattered at first when the charismatic form tutor had singled him out for special treatment, asking him to stay behind and tidy the classroom or sharpen the pencils. The older man had encouraged him to express his thoughts and feelings and to talk about his father. For the first time ever, Ianto felt like he had someone he could confide in. Someone other than his sister who would never truly understand him. He hadn't been too alarmed when he was asked to perch on the edge of Saxon's desk and read from a book of love poems; Mr Saxon was an English teacher after all. He _had_ been a little surprised, however when he noticed the older man touching himself while Ianto read, but even then he was more confused than distressed. He went home that night and wondered what it all it meant, did his teacher like him "that way," The first time Saxon kissed him on the lips it was brief and sweet and Ianto felt a strange fluttering in his stomach. Saxon told him he loved him and the little boy who'd never really felt loved, didn't know what to make of it all. Later, the teacher would hold him close and talk to him about going away when Ianto was old enough, going somewhere where no one knew them and no one would guess they'd once been teacher and pupil. It sounded exciting to the naive valley boy who'd never even been on an aeroplane before. Saxon would stroke his hair and tell him he was a good boy and how grown up he was. He talked about the things grown ups did to each other when they were in love. "You do love me, Ianto don't you?" he'd say, "If you loved me you'd let me." Ianto wasn't sure but he supposed his teacher knew best about such things, after all he was older and had experience of the ways of the world. Ianto hadn't always liked or understood it. It didn't feel sweet and chaste like those early kisses had felt but he gritted his teeth and thought of all the things they'd do and the places they'd see "when he was older."

Only it didn't work out that way. Some months after the whole thing began Ianto's voice had broken and the event signalled a sudden and violent change in Saxon's behaviour towards him, although of course it wasn't until much later that the Welshman understood the true significance of his leaving puberty behind. The young boy was thrown away like a balled up tissue, his ears ringing with threats of what would happen if he told. It was all Ianto's fault anyway for tempting the teacher with his vile disgusting ways, batting his not so innocent eye-lashes and wearing his school tie all skewiff with the top button undone. Ianto was a filthy whore and no one would want him if they ever found out what he'd done. Besides no one would believe him, Saxon was a well respected teacher while everyone knew Ianto was a dirty, rotten liar.

By the time Ianto finished his testimony he was sobbing and most of the jury were dewy eyed. Jack had stopped bothering to hide the tears that flowed unchecked down his cheeks. The lady sitting next to him tapped him on the arm and handed him a tissue. He thanked her and went on crying.

The judge called a recess and by the time Ianto returned to the witness box, he'd calmed down and appeared to be back in control. Though even from where Jack was sitting he could see the Welshman's adam's apple bobbing up and down as he swallowed nervously. By the time the barrister for the defence stood up, Ianto's knuckles were white from gripping the edge of the witness box so hard.

"Ianto," the man spoke, not unkindly, "Had you met or were you aware of the defendant, Mr Harold Saxon before the beginning of the school term in 1996 when he became your form tutor."

"Well yeah, I mean, he was...He was...everyone liked him."

"He was popular?"

"Yeah."

"What about you Ianto, Did you like him?"

Ianto licked his lips nervously, he bowed his head and nodded.

"Mr Jones," the judge piped up, "Could you give a verbal responses please...for the record."

"Oh, yes sir, I'm sorry." Ianto looked flustered.

A few moments of silence followed, as the Welshman looked unsure how to proceed.

"Well?" the judge coaxed.

"I..."

The judge peered at him over his spectacles, looking every inch the stereotypical adjudicator, he tutted and turned his gaze on the barrister,

"Could you please repeat the question for Mr Jones,"

"Did you like the defendant, Mr Harold Saxon?"

"Y – Yes, I liked him."

"In what way did you like him?"

"I'm sorry I don't understand the question."

"Well would you say you liked him in the same way as your classmates or..."

"I I was thirteen," Ianto interrupted, his eyes wide.

"Mr Jones," the judge spoke sternly, "could you speak up and please restrict yourself to answering the question that has been asked."

Before he could fully process or respond to what he had been told another question was flung at him,

"Mr Jones, we're you sexually attracted to Harold Saxon?"

His head shot up, he glanced at Jack who was struggling to remain composed but managed to give him an encouraging smile. Ianto opened his mouth to repeat that he was only thirteen but before he could say anything else the prosecution barrister stood up and yelled,

"Objection, Mr Jones is not on trial here and his feelings towards Mr Saxon before or after the alleged abuse have no bearing on the facts of the case."

"I understand that Your Honour," his colleague replied, "However, I merely wish to demonstrate Mr Jones's state of mind at the time of the alleged incident which I believe does have a bearing on the case."

"Objection sustained," the judge said, "You are skating on very thin ice here, may I remind you that there is never any justification for asking an alleged victim of sexual abuse if they found the defendant attractive. Mr Jones you are not required to answer that question," he turned to the clerk of the court, "please strike it from the record."

"As you wish m' lord" the barrister bristled, he shuffled his papers then walked over to the witness box, giving Ianto a smile that reminded the Welshman of the sharks he'd once seen on a school trip to the local aquarium.

"Mr Jones, can you tell me about your relationship with your father."

And so it went on, question after question. Even when the prosecution objected Ianto knew the very fact the question had been asked was enough to put doubt into the minds of the jury.

"When did you start having feelings for other boys?"

"Have you always preferred older men?"

"Isn't it the case that Mr Saxon's interest in you was entirely professional, as a teacher reaching out to a very troubled pupil in need of a father figure?"

"Is it possible that you misinterpreted his motives?"

"Do you know what false memory syndrome is?"

"Nobody would blame you, Ianto. It must have been very difficult for you, you were confused."

Through it all, Harold Saxon looked on with the same disappointed expression in his eyes. At one point Ianto felt he would do almost anything for it to be over. Part of him wanted to scream, "yes, yes you're right, I made a mistake, it was all in my head, whatever you say, only please, please, make him stop looking at me," but then he would look up at the public gallery and see Jack smiling encouragingly at him and he'd take a deep breath and tell the jury again what that bastard had done to him.

As soon as Ianto was released from the witness box, Jack barged past the other spectators and rushed down the steps so that when the Welshman walked through the door, he was there to sweep the younger man up in his arms. He kissed his face and whispered promises into his hair, promising again and again that no matter what, as long as Jack Harkness was living and breathing and on the earth, no one, but no one would ever hurt his beautiful Welshman again.

TWTWTWTW


	17. You know what I'm talking about

**A/N Sorry for the delay in posting. I could give excuses but lets just put it down to life. **

Jack sat at his desk sipping coffee from a flask and checking his email, though "checking email" was probably too loose a description for what he was actually doing. To Andy, it looked as if he was staring into space and sighing a lot.

"Oi!"

The American looked around startled.

"Huh?"

"You've been staring at that screen for hours," Andy tutted, "I was wondering if you were planning on doing any actual work today."

Jack chuckled, "Are we going to have to have that little talk again," he said. "You know the one, where I explain how the management structure works and remind you who's actually in charge around here."

"No need," Andy assured him, "you big chief, me little Indian, We've been through that several times. I just think maybe you should go home and sort out whatever is bothering you? You can be the big chief again tomorrow when you're mind is back on the job."

Jack let out another sigh.

It wasn't as if he didn't know something was wrong. Actually, it wasn't so much what was wrong that was worrying Jack, it was more what wasn't wrong. Since Ianto had given evidence at the trial of his one time tormentor and serial pederast, the younger man had seemed happier and more relaxed than he had in, well ever and although Jack felt he should be happy too, he couldn't shake the feeling that it wasn't normal. The trial wasn't even over yet and bizarrely, Ianto had shown no interest whatsoever in knowing how it was going. Jack had been worried enough to suggest staying home from work but Ianto had insisted he was fine, and anyway he was going to join the lads for a practice match and then go out with Gwen for lunch. She was getting quite big now, he said, and before Jack knew it the conversation was over and he was out the door, grasping a flask to his chest and shouting "I love you," over his shoulder on the way out.

"You know, you're right." Jack said. He stood up, retrieved his jacket from the back of his chair and left the office, returning a few moments later to pop his head back around the door. "Thanks, Andy," he said with a grin, before disappearing again.

He drove home and found a car parking space right outside his house which was unusual these days, since more and more of the surrounding houses had been turned into flats. There were too many cars on the street now and the dwindling number of available spaces was a constant source of irritation for both men, though less so for Ianto since he had temporarily lost his driving licence on medical grounds.

Jack pricked up his ears as he locked his car door, the sound of a dog barking making him groan. Even with Martha helping out during the day, Charlie was becoming a handful and it was only a matter of time before one of the neighbours complained about the noise.

He opened the front door, surprised that the dog didn't rush into the hallway and jump up at him, wagging his tail excitedly as he usually did.

"Charlie," he shouted, "Here boy, Daddy's home."

He stood in the hall and waited but though the barking continued, no dog appeared. He was probably sulking, Jack thought, "damn dog."

"Where are you, you stupid mutt?" he grumbled.

He followed the sound of the barking to the master bedroom, rolling his eyes as he walked up the stairs. Ianto would have a hissy fit if he found out the dog had been on the bed again. He loved that dog but hated finding dog hairs in the bed. Jack did a quick scan of the room but it came up empty. He frowned and shouted again, his frown deepening when the answering bark came from the other side of the door leading to the en suite bathroom. Charlie hated bath nights and never went in there voluntarily.

"What is it boy?" he asked, sticking his head around the door.

His heart stopped when he saw the reason for Charlie's odd behaviour. He quickly assessed the situation, dropping to his knees and giving the dog a friendly shove out the way. It looked as if Ianto had tripped and bumped his head on the toilet, landing unconscious on the floor with his head coming to rest between the toilet and the bath tub. A cut over his right eye had bled into his hairline, causing a sticky mess in the hair around his ear and a large bruise was blossoming under the eye and up over his temple. Jack went into auto pilot, carrying out the basic first aid checks he'd learned as a new recruit. Once he was satisfied Ianto wasn't in any immediate danger, he gently shook the younger man and shouted his name, letting out a relieved breath a few moments later when he spluttered and opened his eyes.

"Thank god, you're okay?" he said. He bent down to kiss him but froze midway, his lips hovering just above Ianto's, so close that the younger man had to cross his eyes to keep him in focus. Jack sat back again in shock. An overwhelming sense of fury hit him and the unmistakable stench of hard liquor assailed his nostrils.

"You're drunk," he cried, "you're fucking drunk."

"'mm not," Ianto slurred, trying to sound affronted. "ah 'it m' ed."

"So I see," Jack said, "And was that before or after you went to the liquor store."

Ianto giggled.

"Liquor store," he gasped between giggles, as if it was the funniest thing he'd ever heard.

"Yeah," Jack sighed, reaching for his phone, "Tom-ay-toe, Tom-ah-toe, very funny, Ianto."

TWTWTWTWTWT

Dr Harper wondered if it was time to rethink his open door policy. After all six foot, muscle bound rugby players, while reckless to the point of stupidity on the pitch, were babies off it. It was hard to comprehend that the same guy who thought nothing of joining the scrum with a broken limb, would later be sitting in his office asking about the symptoms of bubonic plague because he'd sneezed funny.

"Right, Davies," he said, "I'm pretty sure it's not swine flu this time but it's as well to be vigilant. Take a couple of painkillers and rest up. If you still feel bad in the morning, give me a call."

He stood up to dismiss the man and then moaned when his office phone immediately started ringing.

"Bloody hell."

"You need a secretary," Johnny chuckled.

"Tell me about," Owen replied. "Owen Harper," he barked into the receiver. His face fell as he listened to what the person on the other end was saying.

"Wait. Calm down, Jack. Say it again?"

After a brief pause, the doctor slapped his hand against his forehead and cursed.

"Fuck."

Johnny pulled a face, listening to Owen's side of the conversation and wondering what trouble it meant for him.

"How long was he out for?...Okay is he coherent...What am I saying, of course he isn't coherent...Yeah, I can hear him, the twat...Look, he might be a twat but it needs checking out, can you get him to A & E? ...Good, I'll ring ahead and let them know you're coming and meet you there...See you in a bit...yeah, bye Jack."

He put the phone down and shot Johnny a surprised look, as if he was seeing him for the first time.

"You still here, Davies?"

"That was Jack."

Owen didn't reply. He looked at the rugby player with a blank expression on his face.

"Jack, as in Ianto's Jack," Johnny went on.

The doctor shrugged his shoulders and made no response.

"Jack, as in Rhiannon's brother in law."

When there was still no response forthcoming from the doctor, Johnny continued anyway.

Jack, as in the partner of my wife's idiot brother." he said.

Owen let out a sigh.

Johnny groaned.

"What's the little fucker done this time?"

TWTWTWTWTW

Owen was pleased to see that the receptionist on duty in the A and E department that day was someone he recognised from his last locum shift.

"Hi, Annie," he said, looking around the waiting room, "busy?"

"Not particularly. I expect things will pick up later, after the pubs close." She frowned at him, "I didn't think we were expecting you today though?"

"Nah, I'm not here to work. I'm here for one of my patients, Ianto Jones?"

"Oh, yes. The rugby player," she tapped at her computer as she talked, "it's a real shame that, and I thought he was such a lovely boy as well. You'd never guess from looking at him would you?"

"Guess what?" Owen said, screwing up his face.

"Oh, I don't mean him being gay?" she chuckled, "Of course I know you can't tell that from looking at someone. No, I mean about him being a drunkard."

Owen looked sternly down his nose at her,

"He's not a drunkard, Annie," he chastised, "and anyway, I shouldn't have to remind you that it's not professional to gossip about patients."

"Oh, I-I wasn't." She stammered, blushing furiously, "I mean, I wouldn't, not with anyone else. I only said it because you know him."

"Right," he said, narrowing his eyes at her, "so, where is he?" he asked.

"I'm Sorry," she mumbled, looking downcast, "take a seat and I'll get someone to take you to him."

"No need. What about Jack, the guy that brought him in, is he with him?"

She shook her head.

"Relatives room," she said, "he was a bit distraught." She looked up quickly, "That's not gossiping, honestly Dr Harper, he was. There was a lot of shouting, from both him and Mr Jones. I had to call security."

Owen pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed.

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that. His bark is worse than his bite you know," He pushed himself away from the desk, "I'll find my own way."

Luckily Jack had calmed down by the time Owen caught up with him.

"Am I glad to see you," he said, standing up and pulling the doctor into a hug, "they won't let me see him. Um, I might have made a scene," he went on sheepishly. Owen clapped him on the back and gave him a tight smile.

"Don't worry about it Jack, they see worse every day. You might not be so happy with me in a minute though."

"Oh?" Jack said, giving him a questioning look.

"I think Rhiannon could be right behind me."

"Shit," Jack sat down again, "Why did you tell her?"

"I didn't." He let out a sigh. "Johnny was in my office when you called."

"Oh Good," Jack breathed a sigh of relief, "She doesn't know anything then. So what are we going to tell her?"

"The truth, I hope."

Jack groaned as he looked up to see Rhiannon standing in the doorway, stony faced and with her arms folded across her chest. When Jack made no reply she turned to the doctor.

"Dr Harper?" she asked.

"I'm sorry, Rhiannon. You're not his next of kin anymore. I can't discuss it with you."

"But you'll discuss with him," she fumed, throwing up her arms towards Jack.

"Like it or not, Jack is his next of kin." Owen tried to reason with her.

"Rhiannon, please," Jack interrupted, looking at her imploringly, "Do we have to fight all the time, we both want what's best for him. He bumped his head, that's all."

She glared at both men before walking further into the room and sitting down.

"Then why the secrecy," she said, "and Johnny said Owen called him a twat. Why would he call him a twat if he'd bumped his head?"

Jack rolled his eyes, leaned his head back on the wall behind him and groaned.

"Oh, Rhiannon," he complained, "Why do you always do this?"

"I just want to know what is wrong with my brother."

"Fine," Jack snarled, finally looking at her, "he was drunk, okay. He was drunk and he banged his head, happy now."

"Drunk? How did he get drunk and where were you?"

"I went to work," Jack sighed, "he told me he was fine and I went to work."

She snorted angrily.

"Weren't you the one who told me you could look after him," she said, "when you insisted on taking him out of my care? This would never have happened if he stayed with me,"

Jack had had enough. He stood up and waved his finger at her.

"You sure you want to go there, Rhiannon. You sure you want to talk about him not getting into harm under your care."

She visibly started, shrinking further in to the chair.

"What is that supposed to mean?" she bristled.

"Oh I think you know what I mean, Rhiannon."

She gulped and sat up straighter; gathering what was left of her dignity.

"No," she croaked, "I don't. Why don't you tell me?"

He bent over her, so close their noses were almost touching and yelled in her face,

"What I mean, _Rhiannon_," he snarled, "IS WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU WHEN THAT FUCKING MONSTER HAD HIS FILTHY HANDS ALL OVER HIM?"

There was an audible gasp from all three people in the room and even Jack looked shocked by his own outburst. As soon as the words left his mouth, he stepped back, regretting them almost immediately.

Rhi, – Rhiannon," he stammered, "I I'm sorry, I shouldn't..."

Rhiannon never heard Jack's apology. She stood up, pulling herself up to her full height and stalked out without looking back.

"So" Owen grimaced, "I thought that went well."

TWTWTWTWTW

Tosh smiled at the catering assistant and took back her staff cafeteria card.

"Thank you," she said politely, picking up her sandwich and bottled water. She turned around and spotted a familiar face sitting at one of the tables near the window. She walked over and sat down opposite him.

"I didn't think you were back today," she said.

"I'm not," Jack replied. "I've been to see John about taking an extended leave of absence."

"Really?" Tosh said, sounding surprised, "That's a big decision. Are you sure you've thought it through?"

"Honestly I don't know, Tosh but I've been thinking about it for a while and Ianto needs me, so..." he shrugged.

"But can you afford it, what will you do for money?"

"I've talked to Ianto's social worker about getting carer's allowance for him. It won't be much but it'll be something. Anyway, it's not always about money is it? We could sell the house, move somewhere smaller and I've always thought I had a book in me. You know, like Bravo Two Zero. What do you think, Tosh? Could I be the next Andy McNab."

"You know, Jack," she chuckled, "I think you could be anything you wanted to be." She grinned at him and took a bite of her sandwich, "I thought I'd pop in and see Ianto tonight if that's okay."

"Sure. He'd like that. They've moved him though so make sure you go to the right ward."

"Oh, okay," she said, "where have they moved him to?"

Jack looked away then back again.

"Um...psych ward," he swallowed.

"Oh," Tosh put down her sandwich and put her hand over his,

"I'm sorry," she said, "I didn't know. What have they said?"

"A breakthrough depressive episode according to his psychiatrist," Jack told her. He shook his head, "I knew something was wrong but he's just so damn good at hiding things. If I hadn't come home early and found him pissed up on the bathroom floor, who knows how long it would have been before we discovered how ill he was. Still," he said, brightening up, "the nurses tell me it's nothing to worry about. They just want to keep him in for a few weeks while they adjust his meds. Make sure he's stable again before they let him come home."

"He'll be fine, Jack. You know he always bounces back."

"Yeah, I know. I'll see you at the hospital later then, shall I?"

She nodded, picked up what was left of her sandwich and stood up, briefly touching him on the shoulder before leaving. As soon as she was gone, a shadow passed over him and someone else took her place. The American growled angrily at the newcomer.

"So what, you're stalking me as well now?"

"I'm not stalking anyone, Jack."

"It's Mr Harkness to you, Brigstocke."

"Mr Harkness," David Brigstocke said, "I'm not stalking anyone. I was here interviewing students about the increases in university fees. You being here is purely coincidental."

"And I suppose it was purely coincidental you being in the same bar as me and Ianto on the night before our civil ceremony."

The reporter cocked his head to one side and shrugged his shoulders.

"What can I say, I get around."

Jack seethed, "Just say what ever you came over here to say, then get lost cause whatever your selling, we aint interested."

"I'm sorry, Jack...Mr Harkness, I didn't mean to upset you. I realise it must be hard for you, what with Mr Jones back in hospital."

Jack looked up sharply.

"How did you know..." he stopped abruptly and groaned, "fuck," he murmured. He'd just fallen for the oldest trick in the book.

"Don't be too hard on yourself," the reporter grinned, "I was 98 percent certain anyway," he tapped the side of his nose conspiratorially, "I have contacts. Don't worry, I wasn't going to print it. What I was thinking was maybe you or Ianto might want to give me an interview sometime. You know, local hero triumphs over adversity, sort of misery memoirs kind of thing, Might even sell it to one of the celebrity mags, more Closer than Hello, but the money would still be good. Could even be a book in it."

Jack barked out a laugh but immediately turned serious. He glared at the reporter,

"Not gonna happen, Brigstocke. Now piss off. Bother either of us again and I'll put in a complaint to the paper."

"That's a real shame," the reporter sneered, "Oh well, I'll just have to go with the other interview then."

Jack narrowed his eyes.

"What other interview?" he yawned, feigning indifference.

"Thing is, Mr Jones is going to be very newsworthy in a couple of weeks time, once the trial of a certain School teacher is over. He's probably going to make the nationals. Everyone is going to want a piece of him. I often find a preemptive strike is prudent in these cases, get you're side of the story in before someone else puts the boot in."

"Nice try," Jack growled, "but you're forgetting you've all ready done an expose on him. We've got nothing left to hide, you've spoken to all his past boyfriends."

"Hmm," the reporter frowned, "not quite all."

He reached into his briefcase and took out a note pad, flipping over the pages until he found what he was looking for, "Ah yes, here it is. Alexander Cunningham."

"Never heard of him," Jack snapped.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," the reporter said patronisingly, "Well, they do say the wife's always the last to know."

Jack jumped up and grabbed him by the front of his shirt, pulling him across the table.

"That's fucking offensive, Brigstocke and whatever the hell you think you know, you know nothing, do you hear me."

The reporter calmly brushed off his shirt and sat back down again. He picked up his notebook and began to paraphrase from it.

"Alex Cunningham, 19 year old former Media Studies student from Newcastle upon Tyne, dropped out of Cardiff University at the end of last term, apparently there was some problems with drink and drugs and he's been in rehab since last August." He looked up from the pad, "to cut a long story short, Jack, our Mr Cunningham has a very interesting story to tell about Ianto in the weeks leading up to his breakdown. He claims your boyfriend is quite the player and he's just dying to give me the details. I'm thinking of calling it "My Nights of Passion with Drugged up Rugby Star," The newspaper reporter chuckled, "I realise it lacks finesse but gets to the point, don't you think?"


	18. Chapter 18

_"Rugby's bad boy, Ianto Jones was in the news again this week when it was revealed that lawyers acting on behalf of his club, Cardiff Blues have paid an undisclosed amount to a 19 year old former student after it was rumoured the teenager was in negotiations with a celebrity magazine. The man, who remains unnamed is said to have told friends he was prepared to divulge shocking details of an affair which took place prior to the Civil Partnership Ceremony of Jones and his long term partner, Jack Harkness, (44).  
_

_Some reports claim the club is very concerned about the 27 year old player's increasingly odd behaviour, which has been described as out of control at times, and if true, this latest revelation may mark the end of a career dogged by controversy. He is currently on probation, on charges which have never been heard since Jones was declared unfit to plead and he has been missing from the fixture lists for several months, playing only a handful of games this season. At one point there were rumours that his absence from the team coincided with an extended spell in a private medical facility though this cannot be confirmed. _

_One former rumour which we can confirm, however is that Jones **is** the mystery sports star at the centre of the child abuse case against School Teacher, Harold Saxon."_

TWTWTWTWTW

Jack thought he hadn't been this nervous since his first date with Carly Stuart, not a nerve racking event in itself but made so because he'd only asked her out to get closer to her brother, Simon. In the end he'd been too scared to tell either of them how he really felt and went on to date Carly for six months anyway. It wasn't his proudest moment.

He wasn't sure where that memory had come from but standing outside Ianto's childhood home, clutching a bunch of flowers, and rehearsing what he was going to say, it was beginning to feel a little like a first date. There was a lot riding on Rhiannon having the good grace to listen to what he had to say but he wasn't going to blame her if she slammed the door in his face.

"Jack," Rhiannon said curtly, making the American jump. He'd been so lost in thought he hadn't heard the door open.

"Um, can I come in?" he asked.

She narrowed her eyes at him for a moment but stepped aside to let him in.

"Go through to the kitchen," she said stiffly, "Johnny's watching the football in the lounge," she explained.

He walked into the kitchen then turned around and handed her the flowers which she took and put on the table without a word.

"Can we sit down?" Jack asked.

She pointed vaguely in the direction of the table and chairs in the centre of the room. Though she didn't actually say it Jack took it as an invitation to sit down and waited until she had handed him a mug of steaming, brown liquid before taking a seat. She sat down opposite him and he took a sip of the coffee, trying not to wince at the taste.

"I wanted to apologise," he began, "for the other day in the hospital, I had no right."

She didn't speak right away, reminding Jack so much of her brother. Though she was more of an extrovert than he would ever be, Rhiannon had the same unnerving ability to hide behind a blank stare.

"I was angry," he tried again, "but not at you. You were just in the wrong place at the wrong time and I'm truly sorry for what I said."

She let out a sigh and her eyes watered a little but she sniffed and appeared to be making an effort to rein in her emotions. She shrugged.

"Doesn't matter," she said, "you were right. I should have protected him."

"No!" he insisted, "you weren't to blame." Without thinking he stood up and moved around the table, sitting down again in the seat next to her and wrapping his arms around her. It took a few moments but after a while she relaxed into the embrace and let herself be held by him. It didn't last long however, and they soon pulled apart awkwardly. Their relationship was mostly based on distrust and animosity and the nearest they had come to being friends was an unspoken agreement to tolerate each other for Ianto's sake. The closest they'd come to hugging before was a stiff back pat on special occasions. She coughed and turned away from him, picking up her mug to take a sip. She pulled a face as soon as the brown liquid touched her tongue.

"Yuk, that's disgusting," she said, "why didn't you say something?"

Jack laughed.

"I didn't like to, I was trying to be polite."

She gave him a sideways look and then smiled at him, shaking her head with something approaching affection. She pushed her mug away and put her elbows on the table, resting her chin in her hands.

"I failed him though didn't I? I wasn't there for him when he needed me and Saxon took advantage."

"But you couldn't have been there all the time. You were little more than a kid yourself."

"Maybe." She didn't look convinced but nodded her head absent-mindedly and then gave a heavy sigh and shook herself,

"Right," she said, standing up, "I'm starving. Do you want to stay for lunch? It won't be much, but I could make a sandwich or something."

"Sure," Jack said, "Does that mean you accept my apology?" he asked hopefully.

"Cheese and pickle okay?" she said, ignoring the question.

"Nah, that brown stuff you call pickle here, it's kinda icky. Just cheese is fine."

She opened the fridge and took out some cheese and butter to make up a sandwich which she put on a plate and handed to him. He watched with a small frown on his face while she made another for herself.

"Hmm this is good," he mumbled through a mouthful of bread and cheese.

She laughed and rolled her eyes at his lack of manners and he grinned at her.

"You know," he said, "I've always hated that we don't get along. I love Ianto and so do you. You love him enough to take me on and I know how scary I can be."

"You don't scare me," she chuckled.

She took a bite of her sandwich then put it down on her plate carefully, growing serious all of a sudden.

"I went a bit far though didn't I?" she swallowed nervously, "with the injunction and everything?"

"Maybe, a bit, but you were only looking out for him, like you always have."

She hummed non-committedly then stood up and took two glasses from a cupboard above her head.

"Water, juice, or pop?" she asked.

"Pop," Jack said, stressing the final p and letting it burst from him lips with a popping sound, "I love the way you say that, "pop-p," he repeated.

"You really are quite infuriating aren't you?" she said as she took a bottle of lemonade from the fridge, "I've no idea what Ianto sees in you."

He gave her a suggestive look and she raised her eyes to the ceiling and shook her head. After she'd poured two glasses of lemonade she sat down again.

"Does Ianto talk much about his childhood?" she asked him.

"Not much, he's a man, Rhiannon. We don't do the touchy, feely stuff, but I know you both had it hard."

"It was harder for him than it was for me," she said, "Dad wasn't a bad man, you know Jack. He was good to me, proper little Daddy's girl I was," she smiled at the memory but the smile was soon wiped from her face, "but I knew the way he was with Ianto was wrong and I never understood it. Unless Ianto was doing something he could push him for like getting good marks at school or winning at Rugby, he just ignored him mostly. I was the one that did the caring stuff."

"I know, and so does he. He knows how much you gave up for him."

"I was bright too, you know," she sighed. "Not as bright as him but bright enough to go to University. I might have gone too, but I knew there was no way I could leave Ianto alone in the house with Dad. I don't regret anything but sometimes I think I might resent him for needing me so much when I could have been doing other things and then not needing me at all when it was to late for me to do them. Oh I don't know, Jack. Am I making sense?" she asked him.

"Perfect sense," he said with a small smile, "and then I come along and railroad my way in without a thought in my head about how I was pushing you out."

"You didn't push me out," she shook her head, "I should have backed off years before. God knows Ianto tried to tell me for long enough. No wonder he felt he couldn't be open with me. All those lost years when we could have been close. Still," she held out her hand, "I'm willing to let go of the past if you are?"

Jack grinned, took her outstretched hand and shook it,

"Ya know, Inato's going to get a big shock when we turn up best friends."

She barked out a laugh,

"Yes, well, one step at a time eh?"

"Oh but I can be very charming when I want to be," he grinned, "By the way," he went on, pointing at Rhiannon's plate, "what's with the sandwich choice."

"What about it?" she asked, taking another bite.

"Cheese and chocolate spread?" He raised one eye-brow at her. She frowned and shook her head, _what? _He gave another brief nod to the plate than looked back up and raised the other eye-brow. Still frowning she looked quizzically at the sandwich. The frowned deepened as she stared at it and then all of a sudden, her head snapped up. Her eyes were wide and staring and her mouth formed a silent "oh"

"Something you want to tell us, Rhiannon?" Jack chuckled.

TWTWTWTWTW

Owen pulled up outside Jack and Ianto's house, double parking alongside Jack's big American car. He beeped his horn and waited a few minutes before beeping it again. He was just about to press it for a third time when the passenger side door opened and Ianto appeared, smartly dressed in a suit and tie, and slightly out of breath. He was still tucking his shirt in at the back as he slipped into the seat beside Owen.

"Sorry," he panted. He fastened the seat belt and then flipped down the sun visor. He checked his reflection in the vanity mirror and patted down his hair before flipping it back up.

"I do not want to know what you were doing," Owen said, pulling a face.

"What can I say," Ianto grinned, "he's just that irresistible."

"Eww," Owen wrinkled up his nose, "I said I didn't want to know."

He checked his wing mirror then pulled away, giving Ianto a sideways look as he did so,

"I take it everything is ok in that department then?" he asked.

"I thought you didn't want to know."

"I don't, but as your doctor, if the new drug regime was affecting your sex drive I could help."

"Oh yeah, right," Ianto felt his cheeks burning, he sat up a little straighter, "Everything's fine on that score, thanks. Good in fact, very good."

"Oh, well. That's good then."

"Very good," Ianto mumbled, looking pointedly out of the window.

Owen fixed his eyes on the road ahead. After a slightly too long silence, he cleared his throat and spoke again, "By the way, I saw the news this morning,"

"Oh, yeah," Ianto replied, "I was going to tell you."

"Twelve years," Owen tsked, shaking his head "And he'll be out in eight. It's not long enough is it?"

"Not really, but it was never about revenge or even justice; I just wanted to make sure he wasn't in a position to hurt anyone ever again."

Owen nodded,

"I suppose so," he said, distractedly, concentrating on his driving, "but I would have thrown the book at the pervert."

When Ianto didn't respond the doctor glanced over at him and then looked back to road with a frown.

"Okay, What's up?" he asked.

"Nothing," Ianto said, trying to sound casual, "Why should anything be up?"

The doctor sighed. He indicated and pulled over, stopping the car by the side of the road.

"What are you doing," Ianto complained, "we'll be late."

"No we won't, we've got a few minutes. Tell me what's wrong."

The Welshman shrugged,

"It's nothing really," he rested his head on the window, "we should go."

"and we will when you tell me what is wrong."

"Okay, okay," Ianto huffed, "it's just, maybe I feel a bit...guilty, that's all."

"Guilty, why should you feel guilty?"

The younger man let out another sigh and sat up straighter in his seat, resting his head on the back of the seat then turning to look at Owen. He quickly turned away.

"You know. He..." he gulped, "He never forced himself on me. I..." He took a deep breath and leaning forward in his seat as far as his seat belt would allow, he held his head in his hands and let the rest of the sentence tumble out of his mouth on a sob, "_Iwantedhim_."

Owen closed his eyes briefly before opening them again, then he leaned across the seats and placed a hand on the younger man's back, "No you didn't." he said, "not like that. What you wanted was a father figure, someone to be proud of you and tell you you were a good boy. What Saxon did, it's what men like him do. He groomed you Ianto, you do understand what grooming is?"

Ianto rubbed the heel of his palm over his eyes, wiping any stray tears from first one eye and then the other. He pulled himself together and nodded.

"Yeah, I know. I know what it is and I know what you're saying is true, but sometimes," he shook his head, "oh I dunno."

"Right, maybe this isn't the best time to do this. Perhaps, it's something we could explore further in our counselling sessions?" the doctor said, looking at Ianto questioningly.

Ianto nodded, "Okay," he sniffled.

"Are you sure you want to do this now because you don't have to if you don't feel up to it. You've only been out of hospital a couple of weeks."

"No, I've got to face them sometime and I'd rather get it over with."

"If you're sure," Owen said, starting up the car and pulling away again, "I think it'll be okay, you know. On the one hand you've cost the club a lot of money, but on the other hand they wouldn't have paid the guy off if they didn't want you to stay. They'd have sacked you straight away and thrown you to the media hounds."

"I hope you're right," Ianto sighed, "I haven't given up on the dream of playing internationally yet," he frowned. "You know, I can't understand why Brigstocke told us what he was planning."

"Who knows what Brigstocke is thinking these days? He's finally lost the plot if you ask me. I guess he was trying to blackmail you."

Owen stopped as the traffic lights up ahead turned to red,

"It might have worked too, if he'd gone to you instead of Jack" he turned in his seat to face Ianto, "That's the bit I don't understand. Why go to Jack if he was trying to blackmail you?"

Ianto didn't reply. His eyes darted about, focusing on anything except Owen as he worried at his finger nails. The doctor did a double take at the younger man before letting out a loud groan. A horn blasted out causing Owen to jump and he looked up to see that the lights had turned to green again.

"Alright," he yelled gesticulating to the car behind, "keep you're 'air on," he gave Ianto a look as he drove away, "Fuck's sake, Ianto." he growled, "Does Jack know?"

"No," Ianto said quietly, shaking his head, "please don't tell him, Owen. He'll be furious if he finds out I've been keeping things from him again."

"He'll be more furious if he finds out from someone else. What if Brigstocke tells him." Owen paused, "Wait, that's the reason you drank yourself into a stupor isn't it? You just let us all assume it was because of the trial?"

Ianto rested his head on the window again,

"I just wanted him to go away," he whimpered.

"Bloody Hell," Owen sighed, "what if things don't go well today, are you gonna go getting pissed again."

Ianto made a noise in the back of his throat, a sort of humourless snort.

"Don't worry," he said, "even if I wanted to, Jack won't leave me alone long enough."

"Ah," Owen pulled into the stadium car park and parked his car close to the player's entrance. He put on the hand brake, then turned in his seat to face Ianto, "problems?"

"Not really, I mean I understand why he felt he needed to give up his job but I wish he'd talked to me about it first. He watches me like a hawk, twenty four hours a day, seven days a week, there's no let up. I'm not even allowed to pop to the shop or go for a run unless he knows who I'm going with and when I'm going to be home."

"You want me to talk to him?" Owen asked.

"No," Ianto shook his head determinedly, "I'll do it, come on, let's go face the music."

TWTWTWTWTW

Two hours later, Owen dropped Ianto back at home with an appointment time for him to come and see him in his office later in the week and Ianto gave him a friendly wave in return as he drove off. When he opened the door to the house, the Welshman heard Jack's raised voice coming from the living room and guessed, from the bizarre Scottish lilt he was using, that the older man was on the telephone to a member of his family. As soon as he saw him in the door way, Jack's face lit up and he broke into a huge grin which Ianto returned with a softer smile of his own, cocking his head to one side and resting it on door frame. Jack jammed the telephone under his ear and mouthed,

"How did it go?"

Ianto held up a thumb and the two men shared a look. It was one of those moments that only lovers share, when time seems to slow down and all the things that stay unspoken pass between them in a single look. All of a sudden, though the moment was broken when Jack gave an irritated groan and turned away,

"Yes, I am listening, Mel and yes, I heard you but no, I will not repeat it back to you. I'm the parent here and I'm not five years old, and he is standing right here so if you've got something to say, I'll put you on speaker phone and you can say it to his face."

He raised his eyes to Ianto and covered the mouthpiece,

"Sorry," he whispered.

Ianto shook his head and rolled his eyes, pushed himself away from the doorway and went upstairs. He hung his jacket up and took off his tie before picking up his laptop from the bedside and going back downstairs into the kitchen and switching on the coffee machine. He set up the laptop on the kitchen table and opened a browser while he waited for Jack to finish the call. After a short while the man in question stormed into the kitchen.

"Argh, I don't know where the hell she gets off sometimes."

"She's just looking out for you," Ianto said.

"There was no need for her to say what she's just said though."

"What did she say about me?"

"It wasn't so much what she said about you, it's what's she said about me."

"Okay, what did she say about you?"

"That I don't need the hassle."

Ianto smiled at him and sighed,

"She's right. You don't."

"Hey," Jack moved to stand behind him, not commenting when Ianto quickly shut down his browser, "I love you and it's no hassle," he rubbed his lover's shoulders and Ianto hummed and stretched his neck in response, "Anyway, that wasn't it. It was what she said after that."

"Oh?"

"Apparently," Jack sulked, taking his hands away and folding his arms across his chest, "Apparently," he repeated, through gritted teeth.

"Apparently what?" Ianto said starting to get irritated."

Jack lifted his arms a little and let them come back to rest tight against his body. He huffed, his words coming out in a rush.

"Apparently, I'm not getting any younger," he snapped.

Ianto laugh loudly, then slapped his hand across his mouth,

"Sorry," he smirked, trying to look serious, "It's not funny. You're not old. You're..."

"Don't finish that sentence, Ianto. Let's just go with 'not old. So what was it," Jack grinned at him, pointing at the laptop, "Porn or ebay?"

Ianto touched the side of his nose, "Just remember Christmas is coming up Jack, and don't bother trying to check the history when my back's turned, because I clicked on private browsing. Anyway," he went on, "What has your lovely daughter got a bee in her bonnet this time. I know she hates me but she doesn't normally have a go unless something sets her off."

Jack sighed and rubbed his face over his hands, "It's nothing really. She read something in the Daily Mail online that's all, nothing to get upset about, it's all unsubstantiated rumour, you could sue."

"Oh yeah, because that would really make the story go away. Anyway I'm not allowed. The Chairman says I can't do anything unless I talk to the lawyers and the PR Company first, and one more wrong move and I'm out on my ear."

"Ouch," Jack said.

"It could have been much worse. Probably would have been without Owen. He tore a strip off them. Told them I had a medical condition and reminded them of their obligations under the terms of the Disability Discrimination Act. I'm still in the team but I'm not allowed to blow my nose without checking in with them first," Ianto opened a browser while he was speaking, "and I have to do some unpaid PR for the club and you know how I hate those things."

Once Jack realised what Ianto was typing into the search engine he put a hand over his and tried to stop him,

"Leave it, Ianto."

Ianto pulled his hand away and pressed return,

"I'd rather know what they're saying about me," he said. He quickly scanned the page.

When he'd finished, he sighed heavily, folded his arms in front of him and dropped his head onto the keyboard,

"I know," Jack said, "It's outrageous. How dare they say I'm 44, I'm only 43."

"Um, no," Ianto said, sitting up again and placing a comforting hand on his lover's arm, "you were forty four last birthday. Remember."

"Shut up," Jack snapped, giving Ianto a look which caused the younger man to roll his eyes but smile fondly. "It's not so bad," the American went on, "It's a tiny article in an online newspaper, it didn't even make it in to the printed version, it'll all blow over in a few weeks." He took hold of Ianto's hand and pulled him up off the chair and kissed him on the lips, using one arm around his waist to keep him in place and bringing the other up to run his hand through the short hairs on the younger man's neck. When he pulled away he noticed Ianto was shaking, his eyes darting about, flicking from Jack's eyes to his mouth. Jack sighed and rested their foreheads together.

"Don't," Jack begged, "whatever it is I don't want to know."

Ianto ignored him.

"I knew what Brigstocke was planning," he said, "he came to see me weeks ago."

Jack let out another sigh and pulled Ianto closer, resting his chin on the younger man's shoulder. Neither man spoke for several minutes.

"Jack?" Ianto said eventually.

"I heard you," Jack said without moving his head.

"You can't just pretend I never said it."

"Let's go to bed,"

"For fuck's sake. It's 4.30 in the afternoon," Ianto snapped, he pushed the American away angrily, "and despite what you think not everything can be solved by sex." He stalked away.

"Who said anything about sex?" Jack asked, running after him. He caught up with him in the hallway and grabbed him by the arm, yanking him back, "I just wanna talk."

"Then talk, Jack, don't just blank me. Tell me what you're thinking."

"Okay, you wanna know what I'm thinking," Jack shouted, tightening his grip on the younger man's arm, "I'm thinking what's the point of saying no more secrets to you, you never take any notice anyway. I'm thinking off all the times you and me have been together recently, eating dinner, having sex, curling up on the sofa watching TV, you telling me everything was fine and I'm trying to remember if there was any sign you were lying to me, and you know what there wasn't. How do you do it, Ianto how do you lie right in my face over and over again?"

"Let go of me, you're hurting me."

Jack let go so suddenly that the younger man stumbled slightly though he righted himself before he fell.

"I'm sorry," he wailed, "I'm sorry, I don't know how I do it. I wish I could give you an answer but I can't because," Ianto's eyes stormed angrily as he floundered to find the right words, "because I'm not a nice person, I'm a liar and a cheat and I don't blame you for hating me."

Jack sighed and pulled the younger man back into a hug.

"Please don't get upset," he said, "I'm sorry. I don't hate you."

Shakily Ianto grabbed the back of Jack's shirt and hung on as if his life dependent on it, as if he was lost at sea and Jack was the only thing keeping him from sinking beneath the waves. The American wondered if it had always been that way, he'd just missed the significance of it until now. He was Ianto's life raft and the trick was always going to be saving Ianto while keeping his own head above water.

"I love you," he said, "and nothing else matters now."

TWTWTWTWTW

They'd started off with good intentions, just to lie on the bed and talk, but somehow they'd both ended up stripped to their boxer rutting against each other like horny teenagers.

"I thought..." Ianto managed to gasp before his mouth was captured again in a hot kiss.

"Talk later," Jack panted into his lover's mouth, "wanna cum now."

When they'd come down from their climatic love making, Jack lay half sprawled across Ianto while the younger man stroked his hair soothingly,

"Hmmm," the American purred, "'s nice."

"I really am sorry, you know," Ianto sighed.

"I know," Jack replied, "So am I. I ask too much of you. I shouldn't ask you to tell me everything when you obviously can't."

Ianto pulled his head back to look at the other man quizzically,

"You're still angry with me," he said.

"No. I'm not. If you can't be honest with me all the time," Jack shrugged his shoulders, "maybe I shouldn't be asking you to be."

Ianto pushed Jack away and sat up on the edge of the bed,

"You'll make allowances for me because I'm mental." he said, sounding hurt.

"No," Jack said, turning around on to his back, "I'll make allowances for you because I love you."

"That's not right, you shouldn't have to."

"What alternative do I have, Ianto. You tell me what am I supposed to do. I don't want to lose you but I can't go on being let down by you."

"I don't mean to do it," Ianto let out another sigh. "I don't always tell you stuff because I make bad decisions and given the choice between doing the sensible thing and doing something stupid, I'll do the mind blowingly, idiotic thing every time. I don't trust myself so whenever something happens and I need to make a choice, I just switch it all off and pretend it isn't happening. Only that doesn't last for long and then the only way out is oblivion."

"Which is why you should talk to me when something is bothering you, so I can help you make the right decision," Jack lifted a hand and placed it on his partner's back.

"I can't promise I'll do that," Ianto said.

Jack sighed, letting the hand drop away. The younger man looked back at him over his shoulder, "but I can promise I'll try," he went on.

TWTWTWTWTW

Ianto gawped at his lover and his sister, sitting close together on Rhiannon's couch, a photograph album open across both their knees and several other albums strewn around the floor at their feet,

"Aw, look at that," Jack chuckled, "he was such a cutie. Where did he get the pink tutu from though."

"Oh, that was mine," Rhiannon answered, "He loved dressing up as a kid. He was always sneaking into my room and pinching my clothes and make up. Looking back, I don't know how I ever thought he was straight." she shook her head at herself and Jack giggled.

"Right," Ianto stood up, "that's it," He stalked into the kitchen where his brother in law was getting more drinks for them, "Johnny ring Owen and get him down here to section me because either I'm hallucinating again or Jack and Rhiannon are being nice to each other."

"I told you he'd freak," Jack grinned at Rhiannon.

She threw her head back and laughed, shouting loud enough for Ianto to hear in the kitchen.

"And we haven't even got to the photos of his musical theatre group yet."

Ianto ran back in the room, wailing loudly.

"Noooooo!" he yelled.


	19. Chapter 19

"Here," Gwen said, handing Jack a bundle wrapped in blankets and smelling faintly of sick and sour milk, "do your godfatherly duty while I nip to the loo would you, and if you see Rhys's Mam, tell her I've ran off with a Norwegian figure skater. That should keep her happy for at least half an hour."

Before Jack could protest, she disappeared into the ladies room, leaving him standing in the middle of the church hall, quite literally holding the baby. Alwyn Williams, his brand new godson and a carbon copy of his daddy, gazed up at him quizzically, until Rhys appeared and took him away, replacing the baby with a glass of champagne.

"Suits you," Rhys chuckled, "have you and Ianto ever talked about..."

"Hell no," Jack interrupted, shaking his head, "not doing that again. I love Melisa, but the older they get the more trouble they are."

Rhys frowned, "shouldn't you be asking Ianto before you dismiss the idea outright. How do you know he doesn't want kids?"

Jack looked shocked but before he could respond, Owen and Tosh appeared. Tosh pulled a funny face and made goo goo noises at Anwyn who was looking decidedly unimpressed by her antics.

"What were you saying about Ianto?" Owen asked.

"Rhys thinks he might want a baby," Jack said worriedly, "you don't think he does do you. I mean, we've never discussed it, I just assumed."

"Ah, I wouldn't worry, talk to him but I don't think he's that keen on babies."

Actually, If he hadn't been bound by the patient confidentiality clause of the GMC Code of Conduct, Owen could have told Jack that babies were just one of the many things Ianto was phobic of. His OCD was kept under control mostly by him avoiding his triggers, which is why the thought of being sole carer to something as unpredictable as a baby, inclined to gifting its parents with copious amounts of puke and shit at random intervals, terrified him.

"Yeah, I suppose you're right," Jack looked relieved, "by the way, where is he?"

"Not sure, I was talking to him about ten minutes ago though so he can't have gone far."

"You're not sure?" Jack queried, "I thought you were meant to be watching him?"

"Watching him?" Owen looked dumb-founded, "What do you mean watching him. He's not a child, Jack. He doesn't need a baby sitter."

"I know but..." Jack passed his glass to Tosh and started to move away but was stopped in his tracks by Owen grasping his sleeve,

"Look, don't you think maybe you should back off a little."

"I'll back off," Jack seethed, pulling away, "when I can be sure he's not getting blind drunk over some secret trauma he hasn't bothered to tell anyone about."

With that he stormed off in the direction of the door.

"Aw f..." Owen began. Tosh interrupted him with a loud cough, "fudge," he finished, looking apologetically at Rhys and the baby.

TWTWTWTWTW

Jack was starting to panic. There weren't really that many places to hide in the church hall. After all it was just one big room with toilets and a small kitchen area off to the side and he'd all ready checked in there. He'd even walked all the way around the outside of the building, searching the garden at the back, but there was no sign of Ianto anywhere. He was about to check the main hall again when a thought struck him and going back outside, he crossed the car park and walked into the church next door. He sighed in relief when he saw the man he'd been looking for sitting in one of the pews about half way down the aisle. Ianto looked up and Jack gave him a tight lipped smile, his relief turning back to anxiety when the other man's expression remained unreadable. He walked further into the church, slouched down into the pew next to Ianto and rested his head on his shoulder. After a brief pause, the Welshman asked,

"Did you slip a tracker device into my pocket while I wasn't looking?"

"Nah," Jack replied, "That would be silly...It's in the heel of your shoe, obviously."

Ianto chuckled and leaned his body towards his partner.

"How did you know where to find me?"

"Didn't," Jack told him, "Been looking for a while."

"Sorry," Ianto apologised, "I didn't mean to worry you. I just needed a minute, must have lost track of time."

Jack lifted his head and sat up straighter; he pulled one leg up over the other and fiddled with the laces on his shoe.

"Ianto," he asked, "Am I smothering you?"

"No," Ianto shook his head, "Well, yes," he corrected, "but that's not why I left the party."

"You would tell me if there was something wrong though wouldn't you. Remember, I just want to help."

"I know, and there's nothing wrong."

That wasn't exactly true Ianto knew, but how was he going to explain it to Jack when he didn't fully understand it himself. There being nothing wrong was exactly what was wrong. He'd believed for so long he wasn't destined for happiness and he couldn't shake the feeling that the next drama was just over the horizon.

"If there's nothing wrong," Jack asked, "why are you hiding away in here?" He scratched his head, "I'm confused."

"Of course you are baby," Ianto laughed, "you're American."

Jack face lit up, he put his leg back down on the kneeler and turned his body to face Ianto.

"You called me baby," he said happily. The grin quickly dropped from his face as his brain caught up with the rest of what Ianto had said, "and what's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing," Ianto said, his eyes twinkling with amusement, "just you know, Americans - easily confused."

Jack scowled.

"Plus," Ianto went on, shaking his head with a frown as if he was trying to work out the reason for his next statement, "they don't understand irony."

"Now that's just a stereotype," Jack huffed, "we do so understand irony. I understand irony."

"No, you don't Jack, you really don't."

"Do."

"Don't" Ianto insisted," you think it's something you use to get the creases out of your shirties."

"Ha, ha" Jack said, not amused, "Irony is saying the opposite of what you mean with the intention to mock or deride for humorous effect. Ha, so there." he stuck his tongue out and pulled a cross eyed face, grinning happily again when it made Ianto laugh.

"Actually, that's sarcasm, but hey," Ianto ruffled Jack's hair patronisingly, "nice try...for an American, that is."

Jack scowled again,

"Damn it," he muttered, "I always get those two mixed up."

"I know you do," Ianto agreed, "that's because you're American."

"You know, that really is just a stereotype."

"What?" Ianto said, pretending to sound surprised, "next you'll be telling me the Welsh don't really shag sheep."

"Oh no," Jack replied with a straight-face, "actually, that one is true."

Now it was Ianto's turn to scowl but Jack just laughed and put his head back down on the Welshman's shoulder,

"Hey Ianto," he said.

"What?" Ianto replied through gritted teeth.

"What do you call a sheep tied to a lamppost in Wales?"

"Yeah, heard it before," Ianto snarked, "it's not funny."

"Honesty officer," Jack said in a passable impression of a welsh farmer, "I was only trying to help that sheep over the fence."

Ianto made a humph sound and shifted his shoulder so that Jack's head fell off.

"Not funny either, eh? Okay how about this one, 'Two Welsh sheep farmers are standing in a field when they spot an angry bull. "Quick run," the first one says, "but what about the sheep," the other one asks. "Fuck the sheep," says the first one and then the second one says...'"

"Do you think we've got time?" Ianto interrupted with a huff, "You know, I don't think I like you anymore."

Jack's head snapped up, his face all pouty lipped and hung dog eyes. Ianto chuckled, he glanced nervously around the church, "mawh," he shrugged, and then leaning forward he placed a slow, romantic kiss on Jack's pouting lips.

"Not that I'm complaining," Jack asked, "but what was that for?"

"Nothing, just...I bloody love you, Jack Harkness."

Jack's grin grew impossibly wide, he sighed happily and rested his head back on Ianto's shoulder.

"Do you remember," he began, "I think it was our third or forth date. We went shopping down by the Bay. You went in that little sports shop near the harbour. The clerk knew you by name and not because of you being in the Blues and all but because it's that kind of place, the kind where the staff know all the regular customers by name. I was slightly freaked out because you spent more on a pair of sneakers than I've ever spent on a whole outfit."

"Trainers," Ianto interrupted.

"Huh?"

"They were trainers, not sneakers."

"Ah," Jack said, nostalgically "I wonder if I'll ever tire of listening to you correct my Americanisms."

"Now, honey," Ianto mocked, "how are you ever going to learn unless I tell you when you're wrong?"

"Anyway," Jack went on, lifting his head again and giving his lover a funny sideways look, "we decided we were hungry so we bought fish and chips and ate them out of the paper on a bench, watching the boats go by. You told me off for feeding the seagulls."

"Yes, well, you shouldn't encourage them," Ianto said, pulling a face, "They're dirty, horrible creatures, like rats but with wings and you wouldn't feed a rat would you? Well, you might if it was a pet rat, but why anyone would want to keep a rat as a pet..."

"Will you be quiet," Jack laughed, "stop interrupting and let me tell this story."

"Sorry," Ianto dipped his head.

"As I was saying you told me off for feeding the seagulls. You gave me the rats with wings speech then as well. I dunno, I though it was cute but something must have shown in my face because you stopped in mid-sentence and asked me if you'd blown it again. You told me how you thought you'd blown our first date because you were so nervous you spent half the evening trying to explain string theory to me. Do you remember what I told you?"

"Yeah," Ianto chuckled, "I do. You said you thought my voice was sexy."

"I said I loved the way you wrapped those beautiful welsh vowels around all those long, science-y words," Jack laughed again, louder this time. "So then you decided to explain quantum mechanics to me and tell me why time travel might be possible in theory but would never work in practice.

"Hmm?" Ianto said, looking down his nose at Jack, "is there a point to this story."

"The point is," Jack said, turning his head to stare deep into Ianto's eyes, "I listened to you going on about energy and matter and some other words I didn't understand and would never remember," The words caught in Jack's throat and he had to take in a large breath before he could continue, "and I felt like my heart was breaking 'cause that's when I realised I was falling for you and I was the one that had blown it, not you. I'd lied about my age and I was so certain you were going to dump me once you found out the truth that I made up my mind not to put myself through the humiliation. I told myself it would be better for everyone if I just finished with you and made up some excuse. Only it didn't work out that way because I couldn't do it and the longer I left it, the more I was risking you finding out and dumping me anyway, which you sort of did in the end, even if it was for a different reason. You know, if it hadn't been for John making me realise what you and I had was worth fighting for, you might be married to Jay now and I could be back in the states with John. What I'm trying to say Ianto, is I can't lecture you or stay angry with you for keeping secrets, not when I was the one who set our relationship off on that path and nearly destroyed it in the process."

Ianto gave a heart felt sigh, "I'm not keeping a secret, Jack. Honestly,I'm happy. You and I are getting on better than ever, Neither Saxon nor Adam can hurt me anymore and Owen is helping me see that I can let go of some of the things I did in the past because I was manipulated or I wasn't myself when I did them. My career is getting back on track and I've got a beautiful godson and I'm gonna be an uncle in a few months. Everything's perfect." he finished, sounding anything but happy.

Jack put his arm around the Welshman's shoulders and pulled him closer, placing a kiss on his forehead,

"If everything is so perfect, how come you sound so sad?"

Ianto shrugged,

"Honestly, I dunno. I should be happy, I am happy, but I can't help thinking something is coming, something bad."

"Ianto," Jack lifted the younger man's head with a finger to the chin, "I love you. I love you and I promise that even if you're right, which I don't think you are, I'll make sure you're not hurt. As long as we're together nothing else matters."

Ianto let out another sigh then smiled softly. He nodded. His smile grew larger and he cocked his head to one side.

"Jaack?" he said, looking at him coquettishly, "How soon do you think we can blow this party."

"Well, since we're the godparents, I think it would only be polite of us to stay a little bit longer," Jack looked at his watch, "I don't know, about another hour, give or take. Why do you ask?"

"Because I want you to take me home and..." Ianto glanced at the alter at the front of the church before gesturing for Jack to come closer and whispering something in his ear. Jack was taken a back for a minute but then he leaped out of the pew and pulled Ianto up with him, dragging him off towards the door,

"Then again," he said, "when did I ever care about being polite."

**A/N: I had hoped to have this fic wound up by now. I have no idea where this chapter came from except that maybe the story just needed a bit of fluff so sorry about the lack of any real plot development. Don't worry, despite appearances this is not a portent of doom, the major angst is all done and the happy ending is just around the corner. However there is a bit of a shock for Ianto next when he discovers something about himself which changes everything. **


	20. Chapter 20

**a/n: I know I promised this would be finished by now, but it is taking on a life of its own. I won't say there's only one more chapter left because who knows?**

Ianto tripped over the threshold of the stadium changing rooms, sent flying by an overenthusiastic back slap from one of his colleagues. Luckily he managed to right himself before he lost his dignity and smiled weakly as the offending team mate squeezed past him and shouted a greeting,

"Good to see you back again, Ianto."

"Hey Ianto," Rhys yelled, "over here, mate," he waved his friend over and grinned, "I hope you're back for good this time 'cause the bloke who played your position last week was shit."

"Oi," a man, who Ianto didn't recognise, turned around and yelled angrily, "that was me."

"Well, duh," Rhys replied with an exaggerated eye-roll, "I knew that, Griff, I was kidding with ya."

"Oh," the other man smiled awkwardly, "Oh, yeah very funny."

When he turned around again, Rhys grimaced at his back and mouthed a curse under his breath.

"How's Alwyn," Ianto asked, pulling off his tee shirt and taking a rugby top out of his kit bag.

"Ah, he's lovely," Rhys yawned, "But he's still keeping us up all night. What about you, how's your little one?"

Ianto chuckled, "Oh, he's lovely too, still keeping _me_ up all night though,"

Rhys guffawed, then winced.

"Oh god, what's it like," he groaned, "It's been so long I've forgotten."

"Hmmm?" Ianto hummed, staring dreamily into the middle distance. He was snapped out of his day dream by Rhys waving a hand in front of his face.

"Oh, yeah. Sorry. I was just thinking about...oh never mind. What's up with you and Gwen anyway, are you having problems?

"Not really, but with the feeds and the changing nappies, and cleaning baby sick off everything, by the time we crawl into bed we're both just too knackered to do anything."

Ianto gave his friend a sympathetic smile, "I'm sure I've read somewhere it gets better eventually. Round about the time they leave for University, I expect."

"Still, he's worth it. Best thing I ever did."

"Best thing y_ou _ever did," Ianto said, raising his eye-brow, "be honest though, Gwen did help a bit."

"Well yeah, she was there, obviously," Rhys laughed.

Just then, Aled the team captain called everyone to order with a loud yell. The veteran rugby player had led the squad for several years and had the respect of everyone on the team. "Okay settle down," he shouted. "As I'm sure you all know, this is an important match. We need to win this one if we are going to stand any chance of getting through to the next round so I want to see you all at the top of your game."

Halfway through Aled's pre-match motivational talk, Ianto happened to glance around the room and locked eyes with the new guy, Grif. Something about the look in the man's eyes unnerved him enough that he had to turn away immediately. He had that uncomfortable feeling you get when you know you are being watched for the rest of the speech, so much so that he was greatly relieved when it was over.

Luckily, once he got on the field, he forgot all about Grif's odd behaviour. Rugby had long been his emotional outlet, from his very earliest days in the school team, when the crowd consisted of little more than a bunch of teenage girls with a crush on the same fly half. He'd always been able to switch off his mind to everything except keeping the opposing team from scoring a try.

When the full time whistle blew they were 19-6 up and Ianto whooped and cheered along with the rest of his team. As they walked off the pitch, the crowd let out a loud cheer and a couple of intrepid fans manage to reach out with their pens and programmes before security moved them along. Ianto signed one or two and a group of girls shouted his name and took pictures on their mobile phones. In the changing room spirits were high and the young Full Back was teased remorselessly about his 'fan girls' but he knew it was good natured and was able to give as good as he got for the most part. He laughed along with them as he stripped off his boots and socks and was just pulling his top over his head when the team manager strolled in, shaking hands and congratulating the players nearest him,

"Right Ianto," he called, coming to stand where the young Welshman was slipping out of his shorts. Ianto grabbed a towel to cover his dignity and wrapped it around his waist.

"Yes sir?"

"You need to shower quickly and change into your tracksuit," the manager told him, "Sky Sports are in the press room, they want a post match interview from you for the evening bulletin."

Ianto groaned, "They want me? How come?"

"Can't think," the manager replied sarcastically, "not done anything newsworthy lately have you."

Ianto's face fell so that the other man took pity on him.

"Look, don't worry," he said, "the Press Office set it up. It'll be very friendly. Nothing you can't handle and it's not live so just stop it if you're not happy."

"Okay," Ianto nodded resignedly, "Rhys, would you do me a favour and ring Jack, tell him I'll be late."

He dropped the towel and jumped in the shower, poured some shampoo into his hand and soaped his hair, closing his eyes and relaxing as the hot water cascaded over his body. When he opened his eyes, he jumped in surprise to see that Grif was standing in the shower block looking at him again. He felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. He cleared his throat and turned away, switched off the water and picked up his towel, wrapping it around his waist as he walked away. The usual chattering and antics of his team mates washed over him as he changed into his tracksuit and left, making his departure without saying goodbye to anyone.

After the interview, Ianto made his way back to the changing rooms. Most of the squad had left, but a few stragglers remained behind. Ignoring them, he picked up his kit bag from where he'd left it earlier, slung it over his shoulder and left without speaking.

"Hey, Ianto. Wait up."

He stopped and turned around to face his brother in law, planting a smile on his face.

"What is it?" he asked.

"I was just about to ask you the same thing," Johnny replied, "What's up?"

"Nothing's up. Why? Should it be?"

"I dunno, but you've had a face like a smacked bum ever since you got out of the shower."

"It's nothing." Ianto sighed.

"Was it the new guy, did he say something to you?"

"He didn't say anything."

"Did he threaten you?"

"Just leave it Johnny, yeah."

"I'll talk to him."

"No don't"

"Look," Johnny insisted, "You're family, and no one messes with a Davies. Besides, an injury to one and all that. Anyway, if I don't talk to him, Rhys will probably kill him before long. He's not keen as it is and you know how protective he is."

Ianto let out another sigh and nodded and his brother in law gave him a friendly punch to the shoulder before turning around and walking away.

"Hey Johnny," Ianto shouted after him.

"Yeah?"

"Nothing, just thanks."

Johnny grinned.

"Don't sweat it, kid."

Jack's car was parked by the players entrance and Ianto chuckled when he opened the door and the American startled at his sudden appearance,

"Were you asleep," he asked.

"Just resting my eyes," Jack replied drowsily. "Ooh," he brightened up suddenly, "you're wearing you're tracksuit, you little minx and you know what that does for me." He leaned over and planted a smacking kiss on the Welshman's lips. He pulled away, staring into Ianto's eyes for a second before moving his head forward again. Ianto licked his lips in anticipation...and then leaped backwards when a loud banging noise startled them both. They groaned simultaneously when they saw Johnny, who after thumping the top of the car was grinning inanely at them through the windscreen. He made a thumbs up sign then walked away, laughing to himself.

Jack started the car up and pulled out of the parking space,

"If he's dented my car, I'll kill him," he moaned.

"How would you tell," Ianto chuckled.

"And just what do you mean by that."

"Jack, you know I'm only saying this because I love you, but your car is a wreck."

"She's a classic," Jack pouted.

"She's old," Ianto retorted, "you should scrap it and buy a nice Audi or something."

Jack gasped, He turned on Ianto, opening and closing his mouth a few times, before turning his attention back to the road. He took one hand off the steering wheel and ran it lovingly over the dashboard,

"Hush, she'll here you," he said. "Don't listen to him baby, he's just jealous."

Ianto laughed,

"You're crazy." he said.

Jack took the wheel again and grinned,

"I might be crazy," he replied, "but you still love me."

TWTWTWTWTW

"Jack?" Ianto put down the newspaper he'd been reading and chewed at his bottom lip.

"Hmm?" the American replied distractedly. He took a bottle of milk out of the fridge, opened it and sniffed the contents, "Mah" he thought, shrugging his shoulders as he reached in the cupboard for a box of cereal. He put the box down and turned around.

"What did you want?" he asked.

"Forget it," Ianto shook his head, "It's nothing. Get your breakfast"

"Hey now," The American stopped what he was doing and took Ianto's hands in his own, "It must be something or you wouldn't have said."

Ianto looked down at their joined hands and sighed,

"It's okay," he took a deep breath in and puffed it out.

"What is it?" Jack ran a hand through Ianto's hair and let it rest on the nape of the younger man's neck rubbing a thumb over his the cheek, "tell me what's wrong?" he pleaded.

When Ianto sent a glance at the newspaper, Jack frowned and picked it up. It was open on an article about how the Restore Military Readiness Act was being used to delay the repeal of the Don't Ask, Don't Tell act. He read it all the way to the end and then he looked up again, still frowning.

"I don't understand?" he said.

The Welshman rolled his eyes, sighed heavily and pointed to a box within the main article which Jack also read. The breakout paragraph included a sentence which suggested that some of the thirteen thousand service men and women discharged under the rule might be allowed to re-enlist and Jack gasped when he realised this was what Ianto was upset about.

"You really thought I might re-enlist?" he said.

The younger man pouted a little and nodded and Jack burst out laughing.

"Don't laugh at me, Captain Harkness," Ianto snapped.

Instead of having the effect of making Jack more sympathetic, the outburst made him laugh even harder. He hadn't been Captain Harkness for years and as far as he could remember, his partner had never addressed him by the military titled he'd once owned with pride. Besides he looked quite adorable with his bottom lip sticking out and his cheeks flushed with both embarrassment and anger. Jack wiped at his eyes with his sleeve as tears of mirth rolled down his cheeks.

"Oh, 'm sorry," he said, "but really, Captain Harkness? Although..." he wiggled his eye-brows provocatively and leered which made Ianto snicker and give the American a coy look,

"Leading Seaman Jones, reporting for duty, sir."

"Grrr," Jack growled, pouncing on Ianto and kissing him to within an inch of his life.

TWTWTWTWTW

"Bloody hell," Ianto said, "get off me, ya big oaf," he pushed Jack away and sat up, "Oh yuk, that is so unsanitary," he moaned, "we have to eat off this table, you know."

"Quit ya moaning," Jack laughed, "you weren't complaining five minutes ago."

Ianto glared at him.

"Oh Jack," the American teased, "Faster Jack, faster, Harder, Fuck me, please. Harder, harder."

"Fuck you," Ianto grumbled.

"Well, okay if you must, but can I have something to eat first."

"Ha, ha." the Welshman laughed humourlessly. He stood up with as much dignity as he could muster and pulled his dressing gown back over his shoulders, "I'm going for a shower," he said, "make sure you disinfect the table before I get back."

TWTWTWTWTW

"Did you really think I might go back," Jack asked Ianto later, "after they threw me out without a backward glance. Even if I didn't have you, I love it here and don't ever want to go back."

"I'm sorry," Ianto smiled, "I guess I was over reacting. It's just...I hope you don't take this the wrong way. I love the fact that you want to look after me and I love it that you're around more but you must realise by now I don't need a full time carer and you're not cut out to be a WAG."

"And you thought the reason I wasn't looking for work is because I was planning to go back to America?" Jack rolled his eyes.

Ianto looked up. He sniffed and grinned then dipped his head again,

"I guess I was being stupid."

"Yeah you were," Jack agreed. He looked at his partner, then stood up and left the room. Ianto heard the printer going and a moment later Jack returned carrying a wad of papers.

"It's only the first chapter," he said, "but what do ya think?"

The Welshman looked surprised and took the papers with an air of bemusement. When he still hadn't said anything after he had turned over the first page and started on the second, Jack was getting nervous. He poured himself another bowl of cornflakes and ate them, sitting opposite his lover and sending surreptitious glances his way every now and again. When he'd finished the cereal, he put down the spoon and it clattered noisily in the dish. Ianto jumped, as if he'd forgotten he was there.

"Well?" Jack said, trying not to sound too eager.

"You wrote this?" Ianto asked.

"Yeah, I did. Why, is it not very good. It's rubbish isn't it," he reached out for the papers, "I knew it was rubbish. Give it here, I'll shred it."

"Wait," Ianto pulled his hand away quickly, "It's," he grinned from ear to ear and gasped, "it's brilliant. I had no idea."

Jack felt his face flush with pride.

"Thanks," he beamed, "I knew it wasn't rubbish."

Ianto tutted and rolled his eyes,

"Is this what you've been doing?" he said, "all that time you've been spending in the study or on your laptop."

"Yeah. I've been thinking maybe we could manage on one wage for a little while. We could give it a year or two and if nothing comes of it, I'd give up and look for something else. If you agree, that is"

"Of course I agree, Jack." Ianto stood up and moved behind his partner, bending over him and kissing his forehead. "I think it's fantastic. I'm so proud of you. We can manage on what I earn and I could always get a sponsorship deal if we find we're struggling."

"I won't let you do that," Jack insisted, "I know you hate those things. We'll work something out if we need to."

He reached back and hooked his arm around Ianto's neck, pulling his head down so it rested on his shoulder. Then he took both of Ianto's arms and pulled them around his middle, resting his own arms over them,

"Love you," he said.

"Hmmm," Ianto hummed, tightening his hold on the other man, "me too. Let's celebrate."

"Celebrate what?" Jack asked laughingly, "I've only written the one chapter."

"Well we'll celebrate that then. Let's go out tonight."

"Okay," Jack agreed, "we'll go out later, but in the meantime," he murmured, and turning his head he captured Ianto's lips in a bruising kiss.

"Oh, you have got to be kidding me," Ianto laughed, "do you ever stop."

Ianto felt happy and for the first time in a long time, he didn't wonder how long his happiness could last.

TWTWTWTWTW

As it turned out, it was only a matter of days before something happened to threaten Ianto's new found confidence in his future happiness. A few weeks later, he rose early one morning, coming downstairs long before Jack was up. Instead of starting his usual morning routine, he went straight into the lounge and sat on the sofa in his dressing gown. His hand reached into his pocket and he pulled out the letter which he'd shoved in there, away from Jack's prying eyes, when it had arrived the day before. He knew he'd messed up again. He should have told Jack as soon as that English solicitor had approached him with the news that he needed to take a DNA test. He didn't even know why he hadn't. At first he thought it was because he wanted to make Jack proud, let him see he was capable of handling his own problems, but he wasn't so sure now. He suspected he'd made another bad decision and he didn't know how he was going to put it right this time.

He turned the letter over and slipped his index finger under the flap. He paused for a moment. before carefully opening it. He read the contents and sighed. "That's it, then" he thought, "it's true," He was vaguely tempted to hide the letter away again and pretend he'd never received it. He was good at that, he thought bitterly, pretending. Pretending he wasn't gay, pretending the bullies didn't single him out, pretending his teacher wasn't fucking him, pretending his father didn't hate him. Only his father didn't hate him did he, or at least Ianto didn't know whether he did, Turns out, he didn't know the first thing about his father. He put the letter back in his pocket and picked up a cushion, clutching it tightly to his chest and pulling up his knees as he buried his face in it.

He didn't even look up when he heard Jack enter the room a few minutes later.

"What's the matter?" Jack asked, "and don't say nothing because we both know that would be a lie. You've been off for weeks."

"Have I?" Ianto beamed, his downhearted countenance transforming so quickly it made Jack's head spin.

The American let out a tired sigh.

"I don't understand you, Ianto," he said, "Sometimes I wonder if I ever will."

"Don't you see, Jack," Ianto cried, excitedly, "you knew, you could tell. I was being off, that's what you said wasn't it?" Ianto frowned momentarily before continuing, "Yeah, yeah it was. You said I was off so I wasn't being secretive. I couldn't have been, could I?" he frowned again. "Could I? No, I couldn't," he answered his own question, "I thought you'd be mad but you can't be now because you said it. You said it, Jack. You..."

"Stop it!" Jack yelled. Ianto shut his mouth so suddenly his teeth rattled and his bottom lip trembled a bit. Jack reached out and pulled him into his arms, "Stop," he said using a much quieter tone. He placed a finger against his lover's lips and smiled gently, "Now," he went on, "first things first, have you been taking your meds?"

"What?" Ianto said, "Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well no, not today anyway. Not yet, but yeah, yeah, I have...Yeah."

"Okay," Jack kissed him on the top of his head, "but you're a little hyper and you remember what Owen said."

"Owen says a lot of things. Owen says..."

"Owen says," Jack interrupted quickly, "stress can bring on an episode, so relax, take a few deep breaths and calm down. I'll go and make us a drink."

He went into the kitchen, flicked on the kettle and, deciding against coffee, he popped a tea bag into each of two mugs. While he was waiting for the kettle to boil he ran upstairs to fetch Ianto's pills which he set down on the coffee table with a glass of water, before going back to make the tea. He returned a few minutes later carrying two mugs one of which he handed to Ianto. The younger man sniffed at it and wrinkled his nose,

"Tea?" he said, pulling a face.

"You can have coffee later," Jack admonished, "the last thing you need right now is any artificial stimulants."

Ianto gave Jack a look, but drank the tea anyway.

"Now," Jack said, "what's this about. I won't be angry, I promise."

"Oh yeah," Ianto looked as if he'd forgotten there had been a problem moments earlier. He took out the letter and handed it over. As soon as Jack saw the words "DNA testing centre" in the letterhead, his heart sank and he felt like he'd been kicked in the stomach. The blood pounding in his ears as the words '99.95 percent probability.' 'familial relationship,' and 'parent/child' jumped out at him from the page. He looked across at Ianto who grinned at him as if he didn't have a care in the world.

"I know it's huge deal. I'm not sure I've taken it in yet and when I do I think I might freak out about it."

Jack glared at him as if he'd grown two heads but Ianto didn't seem to notice and just carried on speaking.

"It's going to change everything," he said, "I mean, everything is different now. I've got a new family and I've no idea how Rhiannon's going to take that."

Jack couldn't believe his ears.

"Rhiannon?" he cried, "Why would you care what Rhiannon thinks, shouldn't you be more concerned with what I think."

"Oh, well, yeah. Of course," Ianto frowned, "but I didn't think you'd mind."

"You didn't think I'd mind," Jack blurted out, trying desperately to stay calm for Ianto's sake, "you sit there and tell me you got some, some..." he paused, his face turning purple with the effort of keeping his anger in check, "...woman pregnant and...and you didn't think I'd mind. You know, I'll do anything for you, you know that," Jack was beginning to lose it, his voice turning more whiney now, "I'll do the step father thing if I have to, we can paint the spare bedroom pink, or blue or yellow, or whatever damn colour you want, but the least you can do is give me the right to be just the tiniest little bit upset by all this."

"You...I...What?" Ianto looked taken aback at first, then burst out laughing.

"What's so funny?" Jack snapped.

"Jack, you idiot," Ianto laughed, "I haven't got anyone pregnant. Oh my god, can you imagine the headlines."

"Well, yes I can as it happens," Jack said, "but...then, I mean, why did you need a DNA test?"

"Isn't it obvious," Ianto smirked.

"Not really, no,"

The Welshman rolled his eyes.

"I haven't got a secret love child, Jack. I _am_ the secret love child."


	21. Chapter 21

"Hi," Ianto called out, "I'm back."

He smiled brightly as Jack came bouncing out of his study.

"How did she take it?" the American asked him.

"Fine."

For a brief moment Ianto's smile faltered, but then it was back, brighter than ever. If Jack hadn't known him as well as he did he might have been fooled.

"Okay, what's happened?" he asked.

Ianto's shoulders sagged and he let a tired sigh escape his lips.

"Can we talk about this later?"

"Mmm, O-kay" Jack sounded uncertain. He raised one eye-brow, watching worriedly while the younger man took off his overcoat and hung it up on the hook by the door.

"It's not what you think," Ianto said, turning back around, "there's nothing wrong, I just need to mull things over in my head for a while that's all. Anyway, how's the book going?"

"Chapter 2 in the bag," Jack beamed. He knew Ianto was trying to distract him but decided not to push it. He was going to give the Welshman the space he needed to work out how he felt about whatever it was that Rhiannon had told him.

Gratefully, Ianto smiled and kissed him on the cheek, manoeuvring past him to get to the kitchen. He was almost through the door when he found himself suddenly pulled backwards, making an oof sound, as his chest collided with Jack's and all the breath was forced out of his lungs. With one fluid movement, Jack spun him around and had him pressed up against the wall, kissing him so fervently that his heart pounded in his chest and it left him giddy and breathless. For a second he felt as if he was going to faint.

"Um hello, anyone in there?" Jack's laughing voice cut threw his reverie.

"_Oh Shit,"_ he groaned inwardly. He'd been concentrating so hard on not passing out like some 19th Century literary cliché that he'd failed to notice when Jack had stopped kissing him. The American was staring at him with a bemused look on his face.

Ianto's cheeks reddened. He cleared his throat and mumbled something incoherent, "'..was miles away," he finished.

"Yeah, you were," Jack smirked knowingly.

He sounded so smug that Ianto want to throttle him but while he was trying to think of a witty come back, Jack's face turned serious and Ianto pulled his head back and frowned at him,

"What's the matter?" he asked.

"Nothing, just….I missed you."

"I was only gone a couple of hours,"

"I know," Jack whined, "it was awful. Promise me you'll never leave again."

"Okay," Ianto laughed, "but what about when I have to go to work?"

Jack looked sad but then grinned suddenly, the smile lighting up his whole face as if he had had a light bulb moment, "We could clone you," he said, excitedly, "then there'd be two of you, one to play rugby and do all those public appearances and one to stay here and bring me coffee and blow jobs."

His eyes glazed over for a moment and he sighed contentedly, hugging Ianto more tightly to him,

"Jack," Ianto scolded, pulling away a little and raising his finger in the other man's face, "you've been confusing sex dreams with reality again haven't you?"

Moodily, Jack shrugged out of Ianto's embrace, "go on then," he sulked, "stamp on my dreams," he folded his arms across his chest and pouted, "It's not like I ask for much."

"Ooops sorry," Ianto apologised. He rubbed the older man's arm up and down, looking contrite, "Can I make it up to you?"

"I dunno," Jack shrugged, doubtfully.

"We could play Cowboys and Indians?" Ianto suggested.

Jack made a non committal grunt in response.

"doctors and nurses?" Ianto tried again, "pilots and air stewardesses?…oh, I know, gap year backpackers and south American freedom fighters, you love that one?"

Jack's eyes twinkled and his lips twitched upwards. He looked as if he was struggling not to laugh but he made no reply beyond another grunt. Ianto carried on talking.

"Cops and robbers…..I'll let you use the handcuffs…high powered company executives and overworked, underappreciated secretaries…prison guards and inmates…bored housewives and plumbing and heating engineers."

The American looked up at that and smiled almost shyly,

"Would you like me to unblock your pipes, maam?" he said, lifting one eye-brow suggestively.

Ianto raised his eyes to the ceiling and groaned.

TWTWTWTWTW

"Are my pipes up to standard then?" Ianto asked. He lay in bed on his stomach, resting his chin on Jack's naked chest.

"Would you like me to get my dyno rod out again," Jack leered, "just to make sure?"

Ianto flopped down on his back and flung up his arm, burying his face in the crook of his elbow. He groaned loudly.

"Your sex talk is truly awful."

"Oh yeah?" Jack teased. He turned on his side and tickled the Welshman under the arm, "you weren't saying that half an hour ago."

"That's what you always say. Anyway, half an hour ago you could have said you wanted to stick your liquorish in my sherbet dip and I would have said it was the best line ever."

"I'm that good, huh?"

Ianto moved his arm and cracked open one eye,

"Don't get cocky," he warned.

Jack laughed heartily and lifted Ianto's arm up, lying down and pulling it around himself.

"Mmm, this is nice," he murmured sleepily. He yawned loudly then snuggled deeper underneath the duvet, pressing his chest against Ianto's side. After about five minutes his breathing evened out and he gave a soft snore.

When he woke up he wasn't too surprised to find the bed cold and empty. It wasn't that Ianto didn't love spending the afternoon curled up in bed with a sexy American, but he wasn't one for afternoon naps. Unlike Jack, who liked nothing better than that naughty feeling you got from having a snooze in the middle of the day when you were supposed to be working, particularly when you'd been lulled to sleep in the arms of someone you loved. Although he didn't want to admit it, Jack knew the difference in their daytime sleeping habits had a lot to do with Ianto being young and Jack being that thing that started with middle and ended with aged. He sighed and stretched out fully, reminding himself that you're only as old as the man you feel.

When he was dressed, he went downstairs and discovered that Ianto had not only left their bed but had left the house too. Although was slightly more surprised at that, he wasn't concerned. The Welshman had probably taken the dog for a walk, but still, it wasn't like him not to leave a note. Just to make sure Jack picked up his phone and dialled Ianto on speed dial.

When it rang out and then went to voicemail, Jack frowned. He left a quick message then ended the call, putting the phone down on the kitchen table and glaring at it as if it was to blame for his current lack of sexy Welshmen. He jumped when it rang suddenly. He made a dash for it, almost dropping it in the process but managing to catch it before it fell on the floor. He was relieved to see Ianto's name appear in the caller id.

"Sorry. My phone was in my jeans pocket," the Welshman explained, "I couldn't get it out in time."

Jack laughed, "that's what you get for wearing those too tight jeans," he tittered.

"Stop being childish, anyway are you complaining that my jeans are too tight."

"Nope," Jack replied dreamily. He sighed, spending a moment picturing Ianto's bum in those jeans.

"Stop drooling on your phone, Jack," Ianto told him off.

"Spoilsport."

"Where are you?" Jack asked.

When Ianto told him he frowned,

"What are you doing there?"

"Oh you know, just visiting someone, someone who's well over due a visit."

"Ah. Are you coming home soon?"

"Actually could you come and pick me up. I didn't mean to walk this far, it was a bit of a spur of the moment thing."

TWTWTWTWTW

Jack thought he might have to search for Ianto but as soon as he got out of the car, he heard Charlie barking and the dog ran up to him, wagging his tail and dragging his lead with him. He bent down and patted the dog's head.

"Did you run off again, ya silly mutt? Now where's Ianto, eh?"

The dog barked and ran off so quickly that it was only a matter of luck that Jack was able to grab the lead before it disappeared again.

A little way down the path, he came across Ianto sitting on a bench, staring straight ahead of him and it made Jack's heart break to see him looking so small and sad. He sat down and stretched his arm out over the back of the bench.

"Which one is he?" he asked.

Ianto looked startled, clearly so lost in his own world that he hadn't notice anyone approaching.

"Oh good, you've found him, I tied his lead to the bench but he must have got free while I was distracted."

"He's fine," Jack assured him, "What about you, are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm fine. It's that one by the way."

Ianto pointed to a square slab of marble, nothing much to distinguish it from those on either side of it. From where he was sitting, if he squinted hard enough, Jack could just make out the name, Ifan Jones and the date 22nd August 2003.

He moved his arm from the back of the bench and put it around his lover's shoulders, pulling him in and kissing him on the side of his head. They shared a moment of silence.

"Do you think I look like him," Ianto asked, "my real Dad I mean?"

"I dunno," Jack said. "You don't look much like Rhiannon, so maybe you take after your father, yeah."

Ianto nodded, thoughtfully.

"Rhiannon knew him," he said, "They were best friends. my father and him, or should I say the man I thought was my father and him. She said they were like me and Rhys, you know more like brothers than friends, but they had a massive falling out a few months before I was born. Of course she didn't know what it was about until now," he turned in his seat to face the other man, "Jack, It's no wonder he hated me. Every time he looked at me he must have seen them together, his wife and his best friend, a constant reminder of their betrayal."

Jack took Ianto's hand and rubbed his thumb over the back of it.

"And yet he forgave her. He must have done because they were together another four years after that. You didn't ask to be born. He should have…." Jack paused.

"Should have what, Jack?"

"I don't know," Jack conceded, his shoulders slumping. He was worried that if Ianto started feeling sorry for Ifan Jones, his guilt could set him off on a downward spiral that would end in him being hospitalised again.

"I don't suppose there was anything he could have done differently. He tried his best in an impossible situation, but that doesn't make it your fault."

Jack looked around for something to say to distract Ianto. His eyes landed on the gravestone, taking in the date that was written there. He frowned.

"He died so close to your birthday," he said, "I never realised. You never said."

Ianto gave a humourless chuckle,

"You never asked," he replied, "it was the day before my 20th birthday, I was home for the holidays. Well not really for the holidays since I wasn't going back. I was working up the courage to tell him when he died suddenly, heart attack they said. Wasn't even that old, he wasn't overweight and he never smoked, drank a bit mind," Ianto looked up at Jack, a little sheepishly, "We Jones men tend to do that,"

"Yeah," Jack raised one eye-brow, "I noticed."

"I was relieved when Rhiannon told me. Can you believe that, my own father was dead and all I could feel was relief. What kind of person does that make me?"

Jack sighed, shrugging his shoulders,

"I don't know. You need to make peace with him though, don't you think."

Ianto nodded slowly,

"I dunno, I just wish he could have found a way to tell me. Maybe if he had, I wouldn't have wasted half my life and gone through all that shit trying to get him to acknowledge me. Still at least I know why he couldn't now."

Another moment of silence followed, the two men sitting side by side, their heads together and Ianto turned slightly towards his lover. Even to the casual observer, it was obvious they shared an intimacy beyond just friendship.

"Do you think it's genetic?" Ianto asked, out of the blue.

"What?" Jack asked.

"Me, the way I am, do you think it's genetic?"

"I love the way you are," Jack gave him a lop sided smile and Ianto shook his head, "soppy git," he chuckled.

"I do," Jack insisted, "You're beautiful, inside and out, and I wouldn't change you for the world."

Ianto looked at Jack.

"Thank you" he said.

"S'okay"

"No I mean it, I don't know what I would have done without you, and I never even told you how sorry I was."

"You've nothing to be sorry for."

"Jack, I put you through hell. I treated you like shit and….I cheated on you."

"You didn't," Jack told him.

"But I did though didn't I?"

Jack sighed.

"You didn't, because you weren't yourself so it doesn't count as cheating. I won't pretend I wasn't hurt but we've dealt with it and I'd like it if we could move on."

Ianto nodded and sighed. He slapped his hands on his thighs then stood up, holding out his hand to Jack,

"Right." He said, determinedly. "How about we drop by the video shop on the way home and pick up a couple of videos. We can get a take away and a bottle of wine, make a night of it."

"Sounds like a plan," Jack replied, taking the hand "and in the morning you can phone your Dad."

The two men walked slowly back to the car, hand in hand. Ianto had Charlie's leash securely in his free hand and as he was walking away, he glanced behind him once, thinking perhaps he was walking away from more than just his father's grave.

"Do you think he'll like me?" he asked.

"He'll love you," Jack insisted, "if he doesn't he's an idiot."

**The End.**

**a/n: I'm not sure about this ending. It might seem a funny place to end it but I had never intended on exploring Ianto's relationship with his real dad. Only for it to be the catalyst that spurs him on to finally leave the past behind him. Oh well, good or bad it's done.**


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